God grant me the Senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered: 

I started out with nothing & I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.


  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded..
  • All reports are in;  Life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • Some days you're the dog;
    some days you're the hydrant.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  • Accidents in the back seat - cause kids!
  • I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • Only time the world beats a path to your door is 
     you're in the bathroom.

  • If God wanted me to touch my toes,
    he would have put them on my knees.
  • When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

    It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

  • These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.

    I go somewhere to get something & then
     wonder what I'm here after!