Hanging On

For years I have been trying to convince my mom to move into a senior complex.  She wouldn't listen. She finally filled out the application a few months ago and just got a call Wednesday to move in today.  She will be paying on 2 places this month as had to give 30 days notice.  But her new housing costs will be half!  However, I'm afraid she is going to rent a storage for all the JUNK. GRRRR!  Golly, I hope I don't end up being like her.  But then I'm not really a 'thing' oriented person.

She had  her 2 teenage great granddaughters  come over and clean out there stuff from her house.  One threw it all away.  Mom went out and took it all out of the trash after she left.  The other threw it all in a bag (learning from the sister) and toted it home and threw it away.  Mom went over to their house, saw it, and toted it home!!  She is still complaining about all their stuff at her house and where she will put it!  Geeze, in a way I am glad I am 1600 miles away,  but then again,  I want to just get in there and 'handle it'.

The new place has sensible rules that mom is having trouble with.  No more then 7 'sleep overs' per year.  If she has company,  they will need a motel.  No babysitting.  Children make noise and unfair to the neighbors.  Children can visit, but parents need to be on site.  A $200 animal deposit.  Housing authority does EVERYTHING, including changing light bulbs.  I can understand that.  Old people tend to either neglect things (my mom) or 'do it themselves'.  A 100 watt bulb in a 45 watt encasement could burn the place down.

I'll be glad when she is moved in.  At least she doesn't have to do it all in a day or 2.  Has 3 weeks.  Maybe that's good.  Maybe not.  She could never be like me.  When we moved from California to Idaho, we loaded the U-Haul.  Important things first.  When we ran out of room,  we just left the rest in the yard with a big sign "Free.  Help yourself".

When I divorced and took off, I had my car, clothes, my stereo and music and $2000.  The only thing I wanted that I left behind was the computer which I would get when I settled in somewhere.  Sure,  I regret leaving some of my stuff behind.  My beautiful antique dining room set (seats 18!) .  It's worth about $5000 or more today.  My daughter wants it and her dad will "sell" it to her GRRRR!  I paid for it.  Not him. But his conscience, not mine.  But to think I would end up in a place I could actually use it was unrealistic.

 My grandma use to say 'Your mom would keep your used toilet paper if she could".  It's true.  She has every picture I ever drew.  Every paper I ever did in school.  Boxes of clothes I wore as a child.  

And not just stuff that was mine,  but everyone elses.  I remember when mom got all grandmas True Detective Magazines.  Grandma love True Detective.  Well, they were boxed in the basement.  They were a real fire hazard and were starting to "crisp".  The basement flooded one winter.  I thought to myself "thank you God".  That was short lived.  Mom toted up all the soggy boxes and began drying everything out, including the magazines.  She strung clothes line rope from every door and piece of furniture and hung the magazines over them to dry.  Laid bath towels under them to absorb the drips.  The house remained like this for weeks.  Gas heaters running and a house full of paper ripe for burning.  God was with her as nothing caught fire.  She finally had to admit that "a few" were not salvageable.

If memory serves me,  these magazines also moved from California to Idaho where they again received the wrath of flood and were finally given up.

Don't get me wrong,  she is a giving person....but she attaches strings.  If she gives it to you,  it is only on loan.  You are not free to do with it as you see fit.  If you don't adhere to her expectations, then you best give it back to her.  Think maybe most of us have been guilty of that in more then one instance, but most of us don't make that a life long expectation.  If your going to move forward, you got to let go of the stuff holding you back.  Mom will never accept that.


Mom is moved into her new place and loves it!!  As I predicted, she "just did not have time to organize for a moving sale".  Most of the 'junk' has been brought to the new place, even though she is not allowed to have a yard sale there.  Sometimes being 1600 miles away from family is sad, other times it is a relief!
Mom passed away at age 94 in 2017.