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Carol's Blog for 2013

 Be who you are and say what you feel...Because those that matter... don't mind...And those that mind... don't matter."

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are the personal views of Carol and are not necessarily intended to reflect the views of the
Ozark Dogs Rescue Organization.

FYI: LGD=Livestock Guardian Dog, Pyr = Great Pyrenees, OES=Old English Sheepdog,  ASD=Anatolian Shepherd Dog, GSD= German Shepherd Dog, AC or ACO=Animal Control (officer) or Air Conditioner (as appropriate to make sense), HV=Home Visit. HW=Heartworm,  HS=Humane Society, HC = Health Certificate, Doxy=Doxycycline (a medication)

12/30/13:  Got the small dogs delivered to the HS.  Janet came today... Thank God.  I have been so sick for several days so I really needed her more then usual.  Got the shot in Cola and spent time petting her and Pepsi in freezing cold. 
   When I fed this morning, Leslie and Freedom were in the other yard having a great time.  I hope they remember they can go inside the shop.  It has been over a month since they were moved to the other area.
    Tried letting Colby and Princess in to the main part of the house. As I suspected, it only too Atmo a few minutes to decide he was not welcome.  If I feel better, we will go at it again tomorrow.  Atmo has not been feeling good.  He just looks tired.  On antibiotics for the last fight with Fez.  He is such a good boy, but just has a hard time with male dog competition. 
12/29/13:  Gracious went to her new home today.  Lovely lady.  Very dog savvy.  I'm really happy for both of them.  I opened the gate between where she was the past few days and where the 4 wild ones are.  This will give them more room.  I'm hoping I can catch them separated at the right moment and close the gate keeping Cotton and Pumpkin together and the boys on the other side.  I have no calming female influence to put in with them.  I'm sure I'll get a call about one.....
    I moved Colby and Princess Dingleberry (new name) to the back side of the house.  No fence fighting.  No glass door growling.  When the day is right, I'll open the door and I'll have 11 in here.  I don't think Atmo is going to challenge Colby.  Dingleberry is such a goof ball, she won't know if anyone challenges her.  She'll just roll over and want to play. 
    Opened the gate into the shop yard for Leslie and Freedom.  Hopefully she will go over and into the shop to stay warm and Freedom will follow.  A very long shot but I can hope. 
    When Riley leaves in a few days I will either move Patty in with Solo (if I have help catching Patty) or I will move Solo in with Pepsi and Cola.  He would be a good calming influence for Patty or them.  Patty needs it most.  
     I'll have 2 or 3 empty yards and they need to stay that way until spring.  Just so darn cold and toting water is just so hard. 
     Went to meet to little dogs and an elderly lady who must give them up.  At 78, not much point in telling her how screwed up she let her dogs get.  No socialization outside the home.  No walks, vet comes to the house, no visitors (they would be leg bait).  Dogs are just under 2 years old and not even housebroke.  Got pictures, posted them on facebook, my site, petfinder.  Time is running out.  They have 2 days or they may be taken by the court and euthanized.  They are very re-habilitateable (is that a word?) but according to the vet (which is new and an ass...not at my vets practice) and a trainer (who has not met the dogs) they are a lost cause and need euthanized.  I told the daughter to give my phone number to the lawyer and I would testify that they are just in need of some training.  Just not fair to the dogs.  Not their fault they had no structure.
12/27/13:  Had a great Christmas doing nothing but fun with Candy.  She was here for 5 days.  Becky came with.  They all got along pretty darn good.  A few minor 'get out of my butt' things but nothing serious. 
    Janet has not come for a week.  Neither did Mike to finish my back stairs.  He tore them out and started new but nothing is set up.  Just one big drop off.
    Fez is still battling his ear flap infection from the altercation with Atmo a month ago.  I am so sick of all the pills.  I am also very worried about side effects.  This is just all wrong.  That is why I hate dealing with several different vets on the same dog.  But when it's a Saturday, you don't have full choices. 
    Gracious will probably be going to her new home Sunday and Riley to hers mid week.  I just hope Riley does not think the little dog is dinner.  So far just a little jealousy.  The couple is local so the lady is coming over every other day and bringing her little dog and walking them together. Just never know when the environment changes and Riley gets comfortable and "Pancho" gets courageous.
    Weather has finally been great.  I spent over an hour working on Cotton and his mats.  Sure didn't take long for his long hair to start twisting.  Wish I knew how to make it cord without clumping in big gobs.  I just love that dog.  I just don't think I will let him go.  At least not before the others are gone.  I'll just have to see how things work out.  I want him in the house but for now he is the security blanket for all 4 of the scared siblings.
12/20/13:  Fez had surgery on his ear flap today.  He was too groggy to be released.  I'm pouting.  Darn, I really like all my babies home and tucked in at night.  Fez in my bed partner while I watch TV.  Then he gets too hot and gets down when I fall asleep.
   Colby had his drain removed.  His head looks awful again.  He is just such a precious guy.  They all are.  I hate to part with any of them but know they will be happier inside with people and being cuddled.   
   Candy will be here tomorrow afternoon.  So much to do while she is here.  I need to get serious about if I become incapacitated.  Need to get paper work organized on the dogs.  Set up a separate dog account with emergency funds.  Get the new feeding chart made.  Of course we will do silly, lazy stuff too. 
    Riley may have an adopter.  Gracious may have an adopter.  I may be getting 2 new female Pyrs.  One for sure.  The other a maybe as she needs to be caught.  Trouble is new coming in before others leave. 
12/18/13:  Too much time on FB:   but quicker and easier for what's going on with the dogs.  Socialization is going well with Leslie and Pepsi.  Janet has been a great help.  Just not had a lot of time for the '4 pack'.  Seems I'm also spending too much time going to the vet.  Fez's ear flap, Colby's drain in his head, Cola with her deformed knees, spays, picking up meds, etc.   Also just slipping through snow and ice for a week.  It is almost melted off but a lot had to be broke and shoveled before it will go away. 
    Candy will come Saturday if all goes according to plan B.  Plan A sucked as she wouldn't get here until Monday.  We agree to can plan A.  We will have 5 days to act like middle aged idiots and not care.  Aside from the mandatory dog chores, the week is for much deserved self indulgence.
    Gracious may leave on the 26th.  I just hope she will not cop an attitude with the ladies other, smaller dogs.  She can be great and then she can be a poop.
12/6/13:  The ice storm/ snow storm is well upon us.  I tried to prepare before it came but there are always things you don't anticipate.  Fraz refused to take shelter.  All 5 in the 2 adjoining yards are out in this.  They have covering and igloos but are just out in it.  It is suppose to reach 1 degree tonight.  I don't know what I can do.  I know what I have for them is not perfect, but it is certainly adequate if they would just take advantage of it.  I'm heartsick with worry.  All the others are being sensible.... at least by human standards.  Pepsi and Cola got spayed Wednesday so got them back same day and moved them into the lower yard with heat.  They are actually using the heated house.  Moved Solo and Riley off the hill and into where Pepsi and Cola were.  They are so social I should have just moved them into the shop and moved Colby and Gracious here to the house.  then the 5 could have the larger shelter.  Of course that still leaves Freedom and Leslie but they seem to cuddle in an igloo.  But I am just so worried about all of them.  This is just the worst we have had since the 2009 ice storm. 
12/2/13:  Weather has been great so have spent most of the daylight hours outside with the dogs.  They are getting spoiled.       
     Colby was really limping today so he is scheduled for surgery on Friday.  $500 to $600.  UGH.  When I was in at the vets picking him up and man asked me what kind of dog he was.  I told him and about the bullet to his head.  The guy began to sob.  Literally.  I wish I could find some single guy my age with that much compassion again.  Loren was like that.  He would cry when we took in a dog in bad shape or saw one in need in another rescue.  Checkbook always came out if one touched his heart.  Most did.  Anyway, from there I took Colby with me to Hardys and we shared the 2 hamburger Big Bag Lunch.  He really thought it was great. 
     Pepsi, Cola and Freedom are scheduled for spay/neuter on Wednesday.  Have to have the vet come out to help me get them in.  Cola is really hurting.  Karen noticed it is both sides.  I just kept thinking I was confused on which side it was.  I put up a semi transparent mesh between Freedom and Cola.  they like to fence fight.  Don't know how long it will last.  If they tear it up, I'll have to use something solid.
     Did talk to my financial advisor and all the money I have dumped into the rescue is deductible.  I was afraid I over did and not all would count.  I can carry over if I have to.  I won't be able to donate near as much in 2014 as my income will drop considerably.  Doing everything I can now and hoping the new year will see a lot of donations and a lot of volunteers. 
11/26/13:  So darn cold.  At least the hose thawed today so I didn't have to carry water.  Hope I got it drained good this time.  I'm concerned because Pepsi, Cola, Emo and Fraz did not eat today.  Maybe they will tonight but breakfast went untouched.  They have igloos and shelter but I don't see them go in.  Wind is really kicking up so it will be very cold tonight.  I'm hoping none will get too cold.  I want to get some moved into the lower yard that has an insulated house and heater.  Karen Kelley is coming Thanksgiving to discuss socialization methods so maybe we can get several moved into the warmth. 
    I'm hoping I can get a real grasp on a way to move forward with Pumpkin and Patty as they have potential applicants waiting.  I'm just waiting to hear back from several rescues I've requested to do home visits for me.  I'm being ignored so may have to work on another angle for finding someone.  I just don't have any adopters in either of their areas. 
    I have several people looking at adopting Colby, but I think I have just the right one.  He came highly recommended by a rescue friend whom I completely trust.  I think Colby is the best match for him and his other dog.   The other people interested in him could fit with one of the other dogs.  Not gotten the others applications yet but only been a day since the phone calls.  
   Atmo is getting fat but he thinks he is being starved.  He had plenty of blood work done and was wormed but maybe I need to have a thyroid test done and re-worm him. 
   Lacy has been visiting.  She is just so darn sweet.  Of all the dogs, she is the best.  Never takes issue with anyone over anything.  Of course, she is a Collie.  She has the Lassie personality.  I wish she'd get up on the bed with me.  I snuck off into Lorens room last night and the others were snoring and didn't notice.  Lacy followed and laid right by the bed all night.  I hung my arm over to pet her until I fell asleep.  Hate to admit it, but I slept good.  Maybe sleeping with Fez (yes he was on the bed last night), Hanna and Sweetness really does not leave much rolling over room for me.  Before I bailed, Fez decided I was a really good tummy pillow.  His tummy on mine.  I only outweigh him by 4 pounds so the discomfort was maximal.  It is not that I didn't have the heart to make him move.  I didn't have the strength and he had no clue why I was gasping and wiggling.   
11/19/13:  5:15 ands it's dark.  Hate the winter 'short days'.  Was even shorter when I lived north in Idaho.  Canadians must really have it bad.  I'm ready for bed and some netflix. 
    Either Patty or Pumpkin hurt her back leg.  Unless they are side by side, I can't tell them apart.  One is carrying the leg.  I'm hoping it was just stepping on a rock or small stump.  I tried to cover up the little stumps we could not get out of the ground.  Piled rocks around them.  I probably missed many.  If I get more gravel in the yard, I should be able to find ones I missed.  Also, she could have jumped wrong off the deck.  they were racing around playing 'tag' earlier.  It was great to watch.  Even Cotton was chasing too.  All were fine then so obviously the play had something to do with it. 
    Allergies are really bad again tonight.  I didn't take a benadryl last night because they zonk me so bad but will have to take one here real soon.  Throat glands are beginning to swell and nose is running.  Ache all over too, but blame that on all the raking yesterday and too much sitting at the computer today.  So far behind on dog listing progress reports and newer photos.  Did get Gracious's page and pix up on both my site and petfinder.  She gets spayed this Thursday.  They squeezed her in and I am so grateful. 
    Off to bed to watch some old "Leverage" or what ever.  How I wish I had really understood Netflix when Loren was sick.  He would have so enjoyed so many of the programs commercial free and movie choices.  I sure miss him.  Gets worse, not better.
11/18/13: Can hardly move the body.  Raked leaves for 6 hours... off and on.  Took dog socialization breaks while the piles burned down.  Emo is finally out of the dog house.  He moved in several weeks ago after being neutered.  He is not running from me but he is not staying put for me to approach him.  Fraz runs in a frenzy.  Emo just moves away.  I guess me crawling inside the igloo with him has helped. 
    Gracious is afraid of the click of the camera.  I got a few pix but don't know if any are worth saving.  I'm too tired to download them tonight.  Maybe tomorrow when Betty and Nancy come to walk the dogs I can get some good ones of her. 
    Hope the weather holds.  It has been amazingly nice.  We had such a weird summer that maybe we can have a weird winter too. 
11/17/13: Horrible allergies.  Took a Benadryl last night and it kicked my butt.  Barely heard the storm but know we had one as found Parker in my bath tub this morning.  Allergies are for summer.  This is not fair!  I will be getting into the doctor for something as being zonked with Benadryl all day won't cut it.  Neither will sneezing my head off and eyes itching like crazy. Too much to do. 
    Fancy has not settled in at her new farm.  Still very scared.  To be expected.  Leah is a great lady so am confident if it is meant to be, she will do it.  Grace has settled in here (we traded dogs), but she got past me this morning and I had to chase her down.  Luckily she went for the neighbors house to meet the Boxers so was able to corner her.  I need to put a gate back in front of the shop door as a back up system.  I'm out of gate panels though. 
    Douglas (a worker) is here raking leaves in the empty yard... Lord... an EMPTY YARD!!  I want to keep it that way.  After all, I just built 4 new ones in the past month.  From 3 to 7.  I need adoptions!  Atmo, Colby, Solo, Riley and the new girl Grace are so ready.  Cotton and Leslie are close to ready given the right person.  Pepsi and Pumpkin are close.  Cola, Fraz, Emo, Freedom and Patty are still a ways away from social enough to leave. I feel so bad for the ones who are social and not getting the attention they want and need.  
11/16/13: Temperature stayed nice but windy.  I was up at dawn making my way back to the house and it was really comfortable.  I had felt so sorry for Colby being alone I spent the night in the apartment with him.  He curled up on the bed with me after about 6 ups and downs.  I do wish he'd had his head on the pillow next to mine instead of his butt. 
    Fancy is on her way to a family farm to watch pet goats. I really believe this is a good move. She is just one of those that really needed a job besides guarding the sofa. She was reasonably easy to catch once I removed Patty. Fancy then had no one to guard. Patty did quite well being moved way across the property to the fartherest yard to join Pumpkin and Cotton. She was very happy to see her sister. They are both cuddling up to Cotton so I am sure I will make very quick socialization progress with her now too.
     We did a trade so for Fancy, I took Grace. Grace is a love muffin and wants constant attention... sort of like several others around here. I put her in with Colby in the shop. Leslie was jealous. She has a thing for Colby. I may end up switching them and putting Grace with Freedom since she is really social. He needs more encouragement. I feel like a dog psychologist, trying to figure out each of their needs and how to best meet them.  
   Only 2:30 and feels like bed time.  Water is done but too much wind to poop scoop.  Missing one day will not be critical.  I really feel like feeding early and going to bed. 
11/12/13:  I hated to leave the window this morning.  Freedom and Leslie were playing.  It is one of the happiest 'dog moments' I have had. 
    Pumpkin is really easy to come up to now but she backs up and sits totally on top of Cotton.  He tolerates her.  When I say I have a stack of dogs, it is literal.  I may be making a trade.  Fancy to go as a field dog for a female who is too social.  Will know in a few days.  we need to work out the transportation logistics since they are in Columbia, MO, about 5 hours away.  If it was just one dog but trading means a long trip for both of us. 
    Weather held great for Candy and friends visit but this morning is very cold.  It has already slipped into 10:30 and I am so far behind.  Got to get to the store so I can get detergent and softener to finish my stacks of laundry.  Just need milk.  There is enough left over potato soup Candy made to last me quite a few meals along with some yummy bread. 
11/8/13:  Sometimes disappointments are so great that they literally make one sick.  (rest of explanation deleted)
     The sun is just now coming up.  I'll get dressed and feed the dogs.  The off to the store to get the fixings for the stew I promised to make for Candy's visit.  I'll appease myself with a couple of chocolate iced donuts.  My heart is broken and it just won't ever go back together right no matter how much doggie glue (slobbery love) is offered.
11/3/13:  Thirty years ago I thought I had the worst time of my life.  I adopted a girl who the agency failed to mention was  sycophantic and a sociopath.  The past 3 months have closely rivaled that experience.  I did all I could.  I tried.  I'm done.  I did not know it was possible to love someone so much and dislike them so much at the same time.  Hopefully after the bus leaves tomorrow, I will bounce back where I was 2 years ago before my world started falling apart. 
    I moved Pumpkin in with Cotton today.  I knew it would be a good move.  We really struggled getting her about 100 yards across grass and gravel but once there all went well.  She snuggled up to him and even relaxed enough to let me pet her.  I knew it was just Fancy running the show.  My next move is Patty in with somebody.  Not decided who yet.  Colby will go in with Fancy in hopes that his socialness will rub off on her.  If Atmo gets in another fight with Fez (happened while I was out feeding) then Atmo may be the one sharing space with Patty in the shop rather then in the house. 
    Hate this time change.  Not even 5:30 and it is already dark.  Hot bath is sounding really good.. 
10/28/13:  This is a link to Duddits (aka Ivory) and Victoria's learning/teaching adventure.     Beautiful!  Note from Victoria: "Today's adventure for two little boys I know that are probably going to have troubles due to being more then a bit preemie. As long as no one tells them they can't climb trees, they will figure out a way how". 
10/27/13:  Well, trying to 'catch' Pepsi or Cola without help is not going to happen.  The weather is really nice today and I was really in the mood to start on at least one of them.  Instead Cotton got most of my attention.  I put him in the back house yard and let Chipi and Sahara in with him.  He is a nervous boy.  While he was over there I expanded his yard out another 10 feet and added a back gate.  It's 36' across the back and one side while the other side is 46' and the front is 20'.  Have to go with the lay of the land and how things 'fit'.  He really wanted back in his space so when I was finished, I put him back.  Sat on the ground for about an hour working on a few missed mats on him.  I just really love this boy.  Another one, I know.  Love them all, but a few stand out.  Some because I feel so sorry for them (currently Freedom and Colby) and some just because there is a spark of something in their eyes that I feel they are reaching in and touching my soul like Keeton did so many years ago. 
    Colby is new.  Came Thursday.  Pyrenees.  Very tall.  Guessing 33".  X-rays scheduled for Tuesday.  I think he was shot in the head and has hip displacia.  Has a hole in the side of his head and a lump the size of a golf ball (no exaggeration) over his eye on the opposite side.  Can hardly walk.  The leg goes out and he carries it.  I can tell he is in pain.  He always lays with that hip up.  He has made himself at home and loves the crib mattresses.  He also has made himself comfortable in James apartment and on his sofa!  He has made friends with Leslie and he and Freedom are fine with each other.  I think adding Colby in with Freedom has helped even more then putting him with Leslie.  Freedom is really starting to gain confidence.  He actually barked at me and stood his ground.  He did not hide when I entered the yard.  Great progress.
    Ebony went to her new home on Saturday and Lily went to her new home last Wednesday.  Count is 22... I think.   
10/23/13: Never enough hours in the day.  If I could just leave some 'have tos' out, I might get caught up.  Choices?  Sleep. Oh, I already cut that to 2 hours a night.  Eating... oh I already cut that to one meal a day.  Cleaning the house... Already eliminated that and boy does it show!  Watching TV... oh, I don't do that!  Answering emails... Nope, got to stay polite even on those that are a waste of time (Forwards, "will you take my dog?", etc.)  I hate that I need FB.  It has become a Rescue lifeline at times.  Grooming up dogs...  Lets see, if I work on each dog for one hour a week.... well, Pepsi and Cola won't live long enough to ever be cleaned up.  Ah... taking a bath... Nope, not giving that up.  My 15 minutes of relaxation before I crawl in bed under hairy sheets and squashed between snoring (or pawing) dogs. 
     I've not even started working on Pepsi and Cola.  I wish there was someone within an hours drive that knew Komondor grooming.  Pepsi could be magnificent.  I just don't know how to even begin.  I do need to get their pix and pages up.  Another time consuming thing I can't cut back on. 
     Great progress with Freedom.  We moved him igloo and all into the shop.  Took off the doggie door flap and pointed his igloo towards the door.  I had already put Leslie in there.  I put her on leash and crawled in through the doggie door several times with her in tow.  She is more comfortable with 'out' then 'in'.  Anyway, the great news is that Freedom is comfortable being out of his igloo.  He is outside and has not ventured inside, but he looks happy.  He prances around the big yard.  I even walked by today and he did not run or hide.  Watched very closely and nervously, but is gaining trust.  He is absolutely beautiful.  This is hte first time I've actually seen him standing and moving and not cowering or hiding.  It is so heartwarming.  Still a very long way to go, but progress. 
     Lily went to her new home today.  Ebony should be going to hers on Friday.  Tomorrow I am getting a boy from Hot Springs.  He looks old and gentle. 
     The 6' fence is up so Atmo won't be doing any more traveling.  We built a new yard for the new guy.  Had kennel panels donated so stuck it between the Shop yard and the first yard behind the house.  Only place left that we can get water to.  It enclosed the power pole and meter but tough!  They will just have to come knock if they need to read it.  We have made 2 shelters and added to a third.  My worker showed me about lumber 'cull packs' and I have saved a huge amount of money.  I could not have built any of them otherwise.  The place is really looking like a dog estate where I get to live if I'm good and feed them hamburger with every kibble dinner. 
10/15/13:  Picked up a Saint yesterday.  Had no where to put him so dropped him at the vet on the way home.  He will be neutered today and then stay overnight again.  A foster for a Saint Rescue will be meeting me to pick him up then.  I will not get to know him but I guess at this point in my life that is a good thing. 
     Atmo is still missing.  I've put up flyers on every post for the 5 miles of my road.  Notified all the places one might call.  A FB friend works for UPS.  I never thought to ask the drivers so she will.  Also will ask the mail man and Fed-ex to be on the lookout.  Will take flyers into all the vets today incase someone brings him in.  I had not thought of that yesterday.  Just to mine. 
    I did not lock Lily up last night knowing she would leave.  I was hoping she would go find him but she came back alone.  She is a very experienced night traveler.  I can't contain her.  Neither could her adopter.  Two years, 17 acres and a 5' fence and she just made her nightly explorations.  That is why she is back here.  Atmo is not experienced and will get in a car with anyone or stand in the road and get hit.  Worry of him is consuming me and I can't let that happen.  Search and seek out every resource, but I have 20 some other fur bodies that also need me.  I've totally lost progress with the wild ones.  I am really feeling like a failure.
10/13/13:  Atmo went missing this morning.  He has been gone 12 hours.  I am totally heartsick.  I have put up flyers and driven for hours.  Someone had to have picked him up or he would have come back.  He does not like the forest so he would have stayed on the road.
10/9/13:  I don't know where the days keep going...  nor the weeks or months.  I need to slow down but the clock won't let me.
     Wendy (vet) came out Tuesday morning and we played rodeo.  She got drug by Fraz through the weeds.  Literally on her belly.  She was quite the trooper.  She hung on for dear life as she knew if she lost hold, he would never be caught and die of starvation or bullets or car.  She has always been one of my favorites and this just endeared me to her even more.  We got Emo, Fraz, Fancy, Patty and Pumpkin loaded up.  I ran 4 to the clinic while she got blood for tests from Freedom.  Don't know how she managed as I had to take off and get them into spay/neuter surgery before sedation wore off. 
    Tuesday afternoon was traumatic.  Leslie had come in heat on Saturday or Sunday.  Tuesday morning she was hemorrhaging.  Rushed her in and they did emergency surgery and spayed her at the same time.  She stayed 2 nights.  I brought all the girls home yesterday while they were still in lala land.  The boys had just come out of being neutered so I left them over night and picked them up this morning.  We just left them in the crates... girls too.  Then lifted them out crate and all, set them in the yard and opened the crate door.  Pumpkin was zonked for some time.  Leslie was more then ready to be back.  Picked her up with the car and she rode in the back seat.  She is now in with the other girls.  Thought maybe some of her socialization might rub off on them but afraid it is the other way around.  Either Emo or Fraz will not come out of the igloo.  I put them in hte middle yard between Cotton and Solo.  Cotton and Solo fence fight.  Poor Cotton is really lonely. 
     Cotton gets neutered Friday.  Riley gets spayed tomorrow.  I don't know what the vet bill is going to be.  At least $2200.  Already spent $600 for Sweetnesses emergency last week.  With all the shelter and fence building (labor and materials. Some materials were donated but much was not) just to make room for these guys has been enormous.   I need to some how raise some money. 
10/4/13:  My days are so full I don't stop.  But when I do finally hit the bed, I am dead to any disturbance for several hours.  I got on the scale at the vets.  I knew I was losing weight.  Lost 11 pounds.  About 14 more would be really nice then no more.  I have some great 501's waiting for my return :-)
    Been putting up fence and shelters.  I had so many things to do, I could not be constantly supervising.  UGH.  Monday will be re-do day.  I am livid when I am so insistent on what I want and then the person I hired blames me for their mistake.  He works hard but he is a know it all who knows very little about what he thinks he is an expert on.  I really wish he had a mute button I could push.
   Solo got neutered today.  Riley tore through the gate looking for him... twice... Then when I picked him up and put them together... well, in the few minutes it took for me to scoop their kibble and put in their pills, they were gone.  Guess Riley wanted to show him the neighborhood she had discovered earlier.  I won't go into some very frustrating details, but a neighbor walked Riley home because my phone was suppose to be monitored, not 'used' while I went looking.  Anyway, I picked up Solo and got him back in the yard, but no Riley.  I came up and asked James where she was.  He was on the phone.  I asked several times.  Well, guess who was standing right in front of me!  Here is Riley in the house with Zelda and Sahara, Chipi, everybody!!!  And all doing just fine!!  I would have liked to just leave her in but Solo would have been miserable alone and no way would Goofy and Parker allowed him in.  I secured the gate with an array of 4 things so hope they are still in come morning.
    People coming to meet Lily in the morning.  They are approved.  They usually adopt rescued Greyhounds.  I just don't know the breed at all so they will have to be the judge if they think she will fit in.
    Had people come today to meet all the dogs.  Had friends of their come a few days ago an meet them all.  First are approved.  I'm sure I will approve these today also.  Not sure what dog each will take.  I'm setting a high adoption donation on the Komondors.  I've spent several thousand already, even with donated kennels, and not even got them vetted.  I'll have over $6000 invested just to take these 12 dogs not counting dog food.  People just have no idea the time and expense involved in saving each dog.
9/29/13:  Happy Birthday, Randy and James. 
     The 3:33 a.m. "Choir" woke me up.  James told me last night it's not been Atmo crying, but Freedom.  I've got to get him out of the dog house and into my arms.  Candy and I are going to work on that this morning.  We will take James to lunch early and then she needs to head home.  Sure wish she had another day or week here.  We have so much fun. 
9/27/13:  Got to get fencing up today.  I can't stand to hear Atmo crying all night.  I got up at 3 a.m. and got dressed.  Was going to go sleep in the shop with him, but it would make every dog start barking.  I'm just going to start calling all the farm stores for prices and get it done.  I need about 1000 feet.  It will go right to the existing 40" fencing so it should go quick if I can get James to help.  It is not a one person feat.  I can't even drag a 100 foot roll of the stuff.  Douglas is planning to come in the afternoon and help with whatever.  It was going to be shelters, but moving Atmo back into the house without fear of him going over the fence is priority right now.  Hopefully no rain until the shelters get up.  I just need people to help!!! 
9/25/13:  I don't need another 'today'.  Thank god I mended fences and got that yard divided.  No sooner had I got Riley settled in on 'her' side then Fraz and Solo got into a bad fight.  I didn't even hear it.  I was in the house, so I should have since they are under the window.  When I went down to pick up food bowls, there was blood all over both of them.  I gave Solo a bath and checked his wounds.  they are all puncture so stitches are not an option.  Opted not to call emergency vet.  Just gave him Cephalexin and sprayed with veteracin.  I can't catch Fraz by myself.  There is no corners to run him into.  After about 10 minutes of trying I thought "This is really stupid.  If he is hurt, I'm just making it worse."   Guess it will just be evaluated in the morning when I can see. 
    Anyway, to back up and start at the beginning.  Someone called about a dog at 3:20 a.m.!!  I was sleeping so good.  Could not go back to sleep.  Gave up at 4 and got up, had a piece of toast and chocolate milk.  Answered emails and updated some web pages.  In the process I could hear Atmo crying down in the shop.  I knew if I went and got him, all the dogs would start.  They have been so quiet.  It's amazing.  After I fed, I brought Atmo and Lily up to the house.  I was working outside on the kennel panels where they could see me.  Next thing I hear that 'invader' bark from the gang.  Counted heads and 2 were missing.  Grabbed the car keys and leashes and headed down the road.  They were close but would not get in the car.  Atmo headed home and Lily headed over to the neighbors.  Followed Atmo home and closed him in the family room then chased down Lily.  She finally got in the car after she got the neighbors border collies all in a rage.  I had to put them back in the shop.  Felt bad.  I just don't see how I can afford to re-fence.  It will take close to 1000 feet of 6' to keep them in and have to change out 2 gates as well.  I can use the existing T-posts.  The fence I have is just not adequate for a dog that chooses to leave.  My guys are happy so not an issue for them.  However...
    Finished the panels and started toting them down. Goofy came running out of the house and darted right past me out the open gate.   He has been very determined that every day is Tuesday.  Tuesday is the only day they get walked as I have Nancy and Betty come.  I don't have time to be walking them every day.  Goofy just doesn't understand.  He will go for a walk every chance he gets even if it is on his own.  He ran up the hill behind the house.  I was on foot.  That is one steep hill.  At least it's easy coming down.  Decided I better not try moving any more panels without help.  James finally appeared and we got the panels set up. 
    In the process of getting the panels to fit, I moved rocks.  Rebar!!  All kinds of it buried and sticking up.  No way could I put a dog in there with that sticking up.  James had already started mowing so here I am, a 68 year old lady toting a sledge hammer I can barely lift up the hill from the shop.  I mustered up enough strength to give each of the 3 a good slamming.  It knocked them sideways.  Actually I missed about 9 out of every 10 swings.  When I did manage to connect, it was never quite right.  Once they were laid over I had a bigger target and just pounded the heck out of them.  Enough so that I managed to dislodge them from the ground and could work them out.  They were 24" long and only 3" were originally sticking out so it was no easy task. 
   So back to the end of the day.  Solo was really good for a bath.  I know the soap probably stung the wounds but I had to bath him.  While I got him dry, James moved Riley back in with Cotton and Leslie.  By now it was very dark.  I had not turned the house lights on either.  Put Solo in the new yard which he is not overjoyed with.  After treating his wounds, he started to roll in the dirt!!  I caught him just in time.  He really is a good boy.  I'm thinking "he usually sleeps on the platform under the shelter.  What can I give him to sleep on?".  I decided against a crib mattress since it would be on dirt.  I took a house area rug!  What the heck.  The dogs bring in the outdoors with every trip so not much difference if the dirt is under or on top or both.  On my way back into the house I felt a sting on my back.  I grabbed and under my shirt was this huge bug.  Don't know what it was but it's a dead bug now.  The spot is where I can't reach.  Ever try to stick a band aid with medicine on it on a back scratcher and try to apply it to your back?  Forget it.  Lousy idea.  Long cool shower.  Clothes in the washer. Here I sit.  Time to go to bed.
9/24/13:  Just when you think you've seen it all.  This was an ad on the local radio stations web site:  Looking for someone to ride motorcycles with and get tattoos with / looking for a straight talk phone free or cheap .  Does anyone else see something wrong with this mental picture??? 
    Out working on fencing until dark.  Riley is not very doggie social.  It is getting worse.  She won't let Cotton and Leslie eat or get near the water.  I am mending the panels as best as I can and hope to get that new yard divided.  Poor Leslie and Cotton hide in that batch of trees and are even afraid to eat while I stand guard.  This means 2 shelters really fast instead of one.  Won't be picking up the remaining dogs this weekend.  Need to get either Solo or Riley in to be altered so I can put them together.  They are in love!  It will still be 2 weeks after before I can put them together so I need to get one of them a bath and a vet appointment.  Solo is probably the easiest but Riley really needs that wound looked at.  I've started her on Cephalexin today.  I had not seen one really bad wound until this morning.  I was looking at a small one and thought that was it.  It should of had stitches but even when I got her, it would have been too late.  Matt said it happened last week, or at least that's when he noticed her limping. 
     One of those sad days.  My grieving process is weird.  It gets worse rather then better.  A lot is all the little things that Loren always did and now I'm faced with figuring them out.  My email program disabled my virus protection and I can't figure out how to fix it without losing all my mail.  It keeps warning me if I "return to previous setting Mozilla will have to be re-installed".   I hate computers!  It would go the way of cable TV if I didn't need it for the rescue and talking to my daughter. 
9/22/13:  Almost finished the mat cutting process.  Re-sprayed the dogs with Cedar for fleas.  Got to treat the ground tomorrow.  Just didn't have much energy today.  Just spent a lot of time sitting with the dogs and petting the frightened ones I could corner.  
9/22/13:  Picked up 3 more dogs from the farm.  They are all social.  Not sure which sex.  Gave them generic names; Leslie, Riley and Cotton.  It was an easy trip.  They loaded with a little help.  Unloaded uniquely.  I backed up as close to the yard as I could.  James got the lawnmower and hooked up the little trailer to it.  Douglas came to help.  We lifted each crate, dog and all, into the trailer. drove them to the yard.  Carried them into the yard and opened the door.  I was able to get collars on them all so now everyone has a collar. 
    Friday was quite the ordeal.  I managed to move Pumpkin, Fancy and Emo all by myself.  I had to empty that yard so I could put Atmo and Lily in it.  It has the shop.  They have both been going over the house fence in the middle of the night, visiting the other dogs and then coming to the front door to be let in.  Don't know why they can't jump in.  after all, they have no trouble jumping out.  Fancy gave me some warning growls and a soft mouth on hand but we did good.  I moved each by cornering them in an igloo, climbing in and slipping one lead around their middle and another around their neck.  That way to pull was on the middle and not on their neck.  Had to alternately coax and run circles to go the 50 or so feet to the other yard.  Took an hour and a half, most of the time being to move Fancy.  I still need to move Patty and Fraz in with them.  Maybe Solo too.  Not sure.  He kind of bosses them around.  He is the king or so he tells them.
   Saturday was a 13 hour day of straight work.  We had to finish prepping the new yard and secure the chain link to all the newly donated kennel panels.  Got 12 donated last week and 5 igloos.  Anyway, I wanted the panels double reinforced at the bottom so if one did take a notion to pull it loose, they couldn't.  We got them up and using the existing fences on both sides was able to make a 40 x 60 yard.  I need one more panel and I plan to divide it into two 40 x 30.  Need shelter for both.  Thinking of building it in the middle and running fence down the middle of the shelter.  Then I'd have enough panels.
   It's late.  I'm exhausted.  Dogs are loudly adjusting.  I may sleep in the family room.  It is quieter in there. 
9/14/13:  Douglas that has worked for us for 15 years has squeezed me in his work schedule so things are getting done.  We finished up the framing on the first shelter last night and Have 3 of 6 roof panels in place.  We will get them done before we quit today.  Tomorrow I'm taking the U-haul over to pick up panels and igloos that are donated.  A 3 hour trip on way so it will be a very long day by the time we take them all down and load them and unload them.  They have to be unloaded as I will have to return the trailer before dark.  I'm petrified pulling it.  Douglas will go with for moral support and help with the panels.  So much work to do next week all by myself.  It is exhausting.
9/10/13: Got to have help! Worked until well after 10 last night. The one dog from the farm does not like Lily and went after her. Jealousy. I sit on the dog deck and brush Lily. The others are coming very close and wanting attention too. It was working for several days. Now one does not want Lily in the yard if I am not there. I had to change out a kennel panel, make an area smaller and put up 5 kennel panels to split the yard. And this was all done AFTER DARK! Had a few yard lights and a spot light 50' away. Can't hold a flashlight while balancing a kennel panel, a bracket, a wrench all by myself. Dropped the nuts numerous times until I ran out. Hard enough to find in the daylight. Impossible in the dark. Yes, I wanted to cry. Yes, I did cuss... more then once. I have string holding part of them together. Looking out the window this morning, they are still standing. Lily could not even go out to potty so I had to do this. The others are not social yet so no way to move them to another yard... even if I had another yard. No where else to put Lily. Up at 4:30 and going all day... I just can't keep this up.
9/9/13:  I had one wonderful email that started my day off well.  Ezra is not Moose.  It fits!  He is doing great, 90 pounds at 7 months.  Probably 100 by now.  Then the day went down hill.  I turned down an applicant.  She was an idiot.  I don't know how many times I had to explain Ebony was NOT a purebred Komondor.  Komondors do not come in black.  No, she would not cord.  This person I guess thought I could create a black Komondor (the look is a Pully) and stretch her coat and change her muzzle.  She wanted a look and no consideration of the personality or needs of the dog. Then I get another email telling me the Koms that ARE Koms are Russian Ovcharkas.  So now someone is turning my white dogs into brown/ multi color coated dogs with very intense dispositions.  When you comb out a Kom, it is still a Kom.  When you shave a Pyr (and you better not dare) it is still a Pyr.  I'm not an expert, but I'm enough experienced to not be an idiot.  Besides there is no such thing is "Pure blood lines" or "purebred" just the AKC (which sucks) that collects money to promote breeding.  If farmers had a mind to it, the AKC would have adopted the "Great Komoneese" (or Pyrondor) into its ranks of 'registered purebreds' a long time ago.  It's time will come.  I'd bet on it. 
    I dread another trip over to get dogs.  I have 2 going, but one is one I brought!  Now need to take her back.  People were within a few miles of the farm.  Had I known, I would not have brought her here.   Catching her will be a trip. 
   I just want to go find that cave.  Too hot to work on the shelter until evening.  So overwhelmed with things that need done that I do nothing.  I'm going to go sit in the dog house with Freedom.  Sure wish I could get him into the cool shop.
9/4/13:  Where did the week go??  I know where today went... all 12 hours of it.  Every muscle in my body aches.  We repaired kennel panels.  Many were free but in horrible shape.  The guy I'm getting the dogs from donated them.  I really needed them too, to accommodate the extra dogs.  I even figured out how to re-weave chain link.  My fingers are so sore.  My back is sore from so much bending and carrying panels.  And my head has a lump.  Now this took real talent.  I was using a socket and ratchet to put the clamps on to put the panels together.  It slipped. flew out of my hand and bounced off my head!  I truly have no idea how I could have been so acrobatic to have done that.  Anyway, I am off to bed.  I may sleep in tomorrow...  Maybe until 7:30 if the dogs let me. 
8/29:  Everyone has settled in pretty well.  A little too much night barking but if my guys and the neighbors dogs would shut up, we'd be good.  Freedom is starting to trust me.  I've spent a lot of time just petting him now that most of the mats are out.  Betty came and petted him today.  Nancy came and petting on Patty and Fraz while I combed on them.  Emo is still too quick for me.  He is getting pretty curious though.  He came fairly close to watch us working on the others.  I think in a few days he will be wanting the attention.  Maybe they will be coming for attention soon too rather then chasing them down.
     Atmo wants to play tonight and no one will play with him.  They are grumping at him.  He really needs a young playful dog for a companion.  He is so full of happiness and energy.  I think they really missed his age.  I'm leaning towards 3 or 4, not 5 to 7.  No way is he 7.  Chipi is finally playing with him.  That is great as Chipi does not play.  He is in the submissive role and she is not quite sure what her next move is suppose to be.  She has just never played.  Always a very serious guardian.  I just love it!!!   Goofy is close by me.  He is the grumpy old referee.  He does not understand those noises they are making is in fun. 
    I better referee before Goofy gets too bossy.
8/25:  Cramps in my legs.  Major Charlie horse.  Guess I will put some ice packs in the freezer so they will be there when needed again.  Friend told me I needed to drink more water so that is about all I have been drinking.  Just do not like bananas so guess I need to stop at the health food store.
     It was a long trip today.  The guy was really nice and others were out there to help.  I wish we would of had a video.  It was quite an operation.  Linda had her catch pole and it was a good thing as we sure needed it.  We took the smaller crate out of the SUV and he loaded it on his tractor.  Linda got the 2 boys cornered and we leashed them after she got them with the catch pole.  Then we shoved one into the crate.  Lifted the crate into the tractor bucket and the other guy got on and held the crate in place and they drove it up to the SUV.  Had the get the dog out and into the larger crate.  Linda caught the girl while we still had the other boy so we did the same with the girl.  After that we just had the other boy so he got into the crate and then after his tractor ride, they put him, crate and all into the SUV.  Then we went back and got the scared girl who we had drug out of her igloo by her chain and drug her into a crate.   They cut her chain about 3' long. Closed the door and left her while we went to get the others.  It was so hot.  I was really concerned.  But we got all 4 and loaded within an hour and a half.  I've chased dogs for 5 and 6 hours so this was a breeze.   
   Brought home the scared girl and 2 males and one female of the yearlings.  Female will be easy.  Males will take a little more work.  Unloading the 2 that were sharing the big crate was quite a chore.  We just had to drag them out.  Hated doing it.  The other 2 we just unloaded them in the crates, put the crates in their respective yards and opened the door.  Good thing they are small dogs.  About 70 on the males and 55 & 60 on the females. 
   The scared girl was matted to the skin all over.  I put her in the front kennel by my shop door.  I went past her numerous time, each time talking softly to her and each time touching her a little more.  I set down on the ground and touched her.  She was starting to relax.  I went and got the little snippy scissors and slowly started working on her mats.  As long as I stayed behind her shoulders, she was so content, she fell asleep.  But touch her head and she would wake and get really scared.  I got massive amounts of mats off and she seemed to really be happy.  I know her skin had to feel terrible underneath all that nasty mess.  She is going to look like a 3 year old had done a number on her, but at least her skin can get air.  I eventually got the chain shortened so now she just has about 6" dangling.  I just could not leave all that on her for fear she'd hang herself.  Maybe in the next day or 2 she will let me take it off her neck.  I am not sure if it is secured, just a choke chain or if it has matted into her coat.  What ever, she absolutely doe not want me near it.  I just hope it is not imbedded.  If she will let me feel, I will know but it was not going to happen tonight.
  It's late and I have no idea if all I just wrote makes any sense.  Will look it over tomorrow.  I'm off to bed and hope no leg cramps.
8/23:  Down to 11... Up to ??? come Sunday.  Know I'll pick up one.  Frightened girl who has lived her life on a chain.  Dubbed "Crazy".  She will be my project.  I sure don't need her, but she needs me.  That is what matters.  No dog should suffer in terror their whole life.  If it takes the rest of mine, she will learn the world is not a terrifying place.. at least not in my home.  She needs a special name.  I'll work on that tonight.  I'll get out my list of American Indian names and find one that means "to overcome".  I've not even seen her, just a pix, but I already have a great love in my heart for her. 
    Atmo has settled in just great in the house.  He keeps trying to entice Goofy and Chipi to play.  He gave up on Zelda very quickly.  Fez is leery of him and Parker is jealous.  He has not enticed Hanna yet but she loved playing with Myah.  I hope they start to play.  She would like that. 
    Been trying to walk Eddie and Ebony every day.  So darn hot lately.  And getting the leashes on is a real ordeal.  They are just so excited.  Once we are out the gait, they do pretty good. 
    I actually set around doing nothing for a few hours today.  I'm lost without dogs to stress and fuss over aside from my sleeping beauties.  I tried to take a nap while they did but just could not fall asleep.  It's 10:30 and I'm beyond that tired point.  I know as soon as I get in bed, they will all wake up and go running out barking, to let the world know they are on guard duty while mom sleeps.  Only mom can't sleep from the noise they make.  I think James has the right idea.  Just stay in bed all day and up all night.  That seems to be the dogs schedule.  
8/20/13:  My daughters mother-in-law passed away today.  It is a very sad time for all of us.  I could not have wished for a better mother-in-law for my daughter.  She was an amazing lady with a huge amount of love, compassion and understanding.   It has been a hard year but when we get old it is inevitable.  
8/17/13:  Guess I'm done with Facebook.  It won't let me log in.  It says I don't know myself.  That I am not my own friend.  So for those of you who are still 'there', if you will post to my wall and let people know they will just have to email me. 
    The weather has finally gotten beautiful.  Now if things will just get done.  Bush hog guy was coming this morning but I don't consider 10 still morning.  He's a farmer, so he shouldn't either.  I've had the dogs shut in since 8:00 expecting him. 
   Atmo is calling.  He slept through his walk time. 
   10 pm: Bush hogging got done in the afternoon.  Boy what an improvement.  I can see the dogs when they are on the hill, or just out there anywhere.  Still some weed eating around the edges.  Guess I am going to have to invest in a push lawnmower for the hills.  Just too dangerous for a riding lawnmower or tractor.  I spent over an hour looking at ratings for them.  Think I find a good one and then read the reviews and back to square one.  Consumer Report wants you to pay to get their ratings so pooh on that.  Loren probably does have a subscription but I don't know what to do to log in and find out.  He had a lot of subscriptions to info sites but I failed to ask him to make a list.  Just not on a high priority at the time. 
    James had walked to the store and a neighbor gave him a ride back.  Gave him some cake.  I brought it up here and bagged it so I could wash her pan and return it.  I ate a piece and it was really good.  I'll have to ask her if it was box or recipe.  Mine don't come out that moist.  Back to bed I guess.  Hope the dogs don't 'start in' as soon as I doze off.  I have a hell of a pain on my side and I really need to try to get some sleep. 
8/12/13:  I am ready to just scream and drive to Washington DC and start shooting.  All these months and over 2000 pages of documentation on Lorens cancer from Agent Orange and I get a letter today saying that they need proof.  How many fucking times do I have to send it???  I am so near tears.  Not just for myself, but for all the veterans who died and are dying from our governments incompetence and recklessness.  The government will give every elected officials kids a full college ride but not help those who fought to keep us free....  And what was the point?  Obama is handing our economy over to China and our basic freedoms over to Muslims.   We don't need a war to defeat us, just a bunch of jackasses in congress. 
8/9:  The rain has been almost continuous since the 13th of July.  My daughter must have brought it from Washington.  I told her to take it home with her but guess she missed the message.  With all that has happened these past few months, the dogs are so off balance.  Fez clings to me inside, but is afraid to come inside unless I escort him.  He will lay out in the rain and get soaked.  I have to be diligent on finding him when he's not by my side.  Parker and Goofy pick on him.  Parker is still wondering what happened to Loren since he was not here at the time.  He lays by the door and if I open it, he goes in and lays by the bed.  Zelda is also still in grieving.  She knows, but she is so sad.  She has another hot spot too.  She has had health issues that we cannot find.  I just know there is something wrong and have for about 4 or more years now.  Mothers instinct.  Goofy has become clingy and a path blocker.  He is really in need of special attention.  He can no longer hold his poop.  It is an every morning event to go through the house with paper towels and a bag.  Sahara has become afraid of storms.  She has also melted into my life more then before.  She will now let me brush her for hours, even her tail.  She and Chipi have really grieved over the loss of Sissy.  The 3 were very close.  Having company did help some but upset others.  Then the company leaving made the happy ones sad.  My daughter is almost as big a dog lover as I am only her furry friends are usually in the 40 to 60 pound range, not twice that or near as many.  Hanna has become somewhat distant.  That is in comparison to how she has been.  With Fez now sleeping ON the bed with me, she has waited to come up.  He don't care but she is still cautious.  Myah is finally giving me space.  I don't know if she will ever get an adopter and even if I find someone great, that she will be able to adjust.  I know what you all are thinking...  No, I do not want to keep her and making excuses.  I really do want her to have a special home with less competition for attention.  Just instinct.  Some "goat dogs" just don't re-adjust after they have bonded for the first time.  Sahara and Chipi are clear cases of that. 
     Time just slipped away.  It's 2:00  Got sidetracked trying to get transport for 2 Pyrs who need to get to their elderly owner.  Emotionally exhausting.  Time to grab a bit to eat and take a nap.  Got up late (7:30) but put in a full days work by noon.  Still got to grab the area rugs from outside letting them dry from being cleaned or it may rain before I wake up from the nap.
8/5/13:  Sissy crossed the Rainbow Bridge. 
8/3:  Unexpected storm hit an hour ago at around 5:40.  The dogs knew it was coming.  I was asleep until several piled on the bed with me.  Parker is in my tub.  I would prefer him in the other bath tub but guess mine was the closest and so was I.  Storm does not phase Myah nor Hanna.  They are in the livingroom wrestling.  Everyone else is clustered around me for protection. 
     I was afraid James' door might be closed and the rest of the shop magnifies the sound.  I went down and got drenched.  We have go to get a communication system between the buildings.  Anyway, Atmo was fine.  the door was open and he had been in with James.  By the time I got back to the house, I was drenched.  I also discovered the rain gutters are clogged and the rain is escaping right over the back door.  Even with the umbrella, I got even more soaked getting inside. 
8/1/13:  Hardly believable that it is already August.  This morning was frustrating.  After 2 hours of dusting and vacuuming, I discovered a very large pee spot on the wool area rug.  It was a used one someone gave me, but very nice and matched the room decor very well.  It was still 'sticky' so could not have been there more then a day.  Sprayed the spot with a pre treatment and drug out the steam cleaner.  I dropped the water part and water went everywhere.  Luckily it did not break but I had a huge mop job on my hands.  Not even in an area that needed it.  The pee spot will not come out.  Cleaned up the cleaner and went to finish vacuuming and the vacuum threw the belt.  When I tried to put it back together, something slipped and I can't get it to fit right.  My other vacuum is already terminally ill.  Wonderful suction but it keeps throwing the beater bar out.  Been in the shop and it's too old to get the part.  The lawn mower guy dollared me to death with parts that I could not possibly have needed.  When he racked up $558, he quit.  He did not even "service" it.  What the hell??  It is like polishing your fingernails before your hand gets amputated.  What good are all the parts going to do if the motor blows from lack of clean oil and filter?  I HATE workmen!  The guy that was recommended to see about my bathroom mess wants $1000.  Not going to happen.  At least not for what he was willing to do.  Where do these guys get off thinking they can get from $100 to $400 an hour?   They are redneck thieves with a junior high education.  Yes, I sound prejudice but I'm not.  Facts are just facts.  Honest, hard working people are becoming fewer and fewer.  They are all my age or older (is that's possible) and dying off right and left.  This next 'old' generation is going to be in a world of hurt. 
    It's 11 a.m. and I have not stopped since I got up at 7.  If I had not been up until 11:30 last night, I would have been up much earlier.  I so enjoyed Candy's visit.  Guess I'm missing the great laughs and our silliness.  Just in a really bummed mood.
7/27: 2:12 a.m.  Hard enough to worry about dogs without other worries.  The lawnmower is going to be $500 to fix.  That is above the $100 I already spent on parts.  The toilet leak has been going on for years!!!  The tile setter did not put down that special board, just laid it to floor.  Then when he set the toilet in, it was not sealed properly.  The tile cracked 3 days ago so I know something was not right.  Went into the basement looking for structural problems and found water doing a slow drip.  It had just reached the point of total board saturation.  I'm probably looking at $3000 to $4000 which insurance will not cover.   The whole entire bathroom will probably have to be tore out.  Loren was the only man I have ever known who always did things right.  No short cuts.   No half-ass.  I had plans to get all the house dogs health checked.  Only a few are under vet care.  Others need dental check and cleaning, blood work, etc.  They are getting old.  They are getting grumpy with all the aches and pains that come with it.  I wish I could just go to bed and cry myself to sleep but tears always seem reserved for the dogs,  never for me.
7/26:  Dread tomorrow.  Saying bye to my daughter and then taking Arlo on to meet his forever human.  A double whammy for the day.  I really didn't think I would have this hard a time letting Arlo go.  It has been a year since I got him from AC.  Actually a year to the day.  I meant to get his rabies shot as it expires next week.  Just ran out of time.  Will give his human a chance to introduce him to his vet.  Arlo did get a bath.  James helped and we got him looking handsome.  When he laid down and curled up in my lap, that was hard. 
7/25:  Total melt down...again.  I can't deal with other peoples problems.  No, I won't look for you a Bulldog.  Go to s bulldog rescue!  No, I won't take the pit bull you found on the side of the road or the lab puppy you adopted and decided you can't keep.  No, just because you were a groomer, does not make you experienced with Komondors.  (Did you ever even see one???)  No, just because you have two 100 pound dogs does not make you a good candidate for a livestock breed.  Size has very little to do with characteristics.  Those who are my friends already know my parameters and I welcome their requests and shares.  They are people who respect it when I say no.  
    I'm old.  I'm tired.  I'm overwhelmed with all the added responsibility.  I'm fed up with people I hire to fix things and then gouge me on the bill.  I'm tired of the sales spiels that after you question them over and over, you agree and then you get the 'one time fee' they neglect to mention.  I will live without TV.  I will cancel the no obligation, 'free month' in a few days, long before the month runs out.  Been without it since March 27 and sure have not missed it since, prior to that, I only watched to keep Loren company.  Once the adoptable dogs are gone, so goes internet.  I'll use public Wi-Fi twice a week to check my yahoo email since my other will be gone.  I'd become solar powered if I could. 
    James left the shop lights on all night.................  Where is that cave?? I need it!
7/20:  James arrived.  Bus was over an hour late.  Today he will start helping...  he may think he will get an 'adjustment' period but I have an adopter coming around noon and Echo and Eddie need a bath. 
     Ezra will probably go next weekend.  Another rescue is doing the HV Sunday.  I have an application for Arlo.  The person and environment are going to be wonderful.  I just need to be sure the 'match' is going to be a good one.  I'm leaning towards Myah being better suited.  I do have a Pyr rescue in his town who can do the home visit so will know more after that. 
    It's 2:37 a.m.  I had a long 'nap' but I think I need to go take another one until about 6 a.m. so I can survive the day.
7/18:  Hopefully my grandson is on the bus headed this way.  It has been a rough trip to get to the trip.  Everyone agreeing he should come and then being totally discouraging to him the day he is to leave.  The dogs felt my stress and got in a fight.  Keeping my emotions under control for the past 6 months has been impossible.  How do you not stress when you know the one you love is dying?  How do you not stress when the person you love so much is in pain?  When he is gone? When your future is uncertain?  When you are forced to take on all the responsibilities?  Realizing technology has passed you by?  Having no personal support person?  Being dumped on by half your family?  It is 4:27 a.m.  I did get some restless sleep.  Way overdue for Gods Jar.  Back to bed.....
7/16:  I am really enjoying my daughter and grandson.  I wish Kenny could stay the 2 weeks too but he can't.  Saturday after picking them up at the airport, I thought I might get lucky and get them in to eat at Lamberts'.  Well, that was a waste of and extra hour and a half going up there only to have the 'wait time' be an hour 20 minutes.  We turned around.  Ate hamburgers on the outskirts of Branson.  Got home just before dark.  Was exhausted by the time the dogs were fed and watered.  Sunday was not much better.  They wanted to go to the car show in Branson.  The map was totally wrong and we never did find it.  Stopped and asked and they did not know anything about it.  Sandy had the print out so we know it was the right dates, etc.  Ended up going to Ripley's Believe it or Not.  That was fun.  More fun then I had expected.  More expensive then I had expected to!  Then we ate at a rib restaurant and got home before dark.  Kenny did all the driving which was a relief since being lost is what I do without any help from wrong maps.  Who knows where we would have ended up if I had driven.
    Yesterday was stay at home.  That is aside from 2 trips to Wal-mart and one to the vet.  AC thermostat had a short in the shop so the repairman was out to replace it.  Kenny helped with some projects that I needed done.  I cooked 2 big meals.  It was not the plan but I had put the roast in very early figuring a light breakfast.  Sandy wanted French toast so we are still stuffed this morning.  It may be a 'left over' day or the dogs may be the luckiest dogs in the world this morning.
     For some reason my phone has been really messing up.  Vet called a dozen times over several days.  Message thing would not kick over.  Derek called quite a few times and thought I had done something so he couldn't leave a message and that I was mad at him.  I have no idea how many other calls went missed.  Phone company tried and it worked fine.  I have gotten messages, just not always.  Anyway, the phone gal said it could be the portable phone.  So I disconnected it.  I'm tethered again so won't be answering if I'm in the middle of cooking or feeding. 
     Got the results back on Micah's ears.  Really bad.  The infection has been there "for a VERY long time".  Went through the ear drum and into the inner ear.  They are rated level 1 to 4.  His was a 4+.  Rob talked to a specialist on treatment.  I have to wear gloves to give him the pills!  My heart is just breaking at what he must be going through.  I knew it was really bad, just not this bad.  I am just so grateful I have him and not some farmer where he is miserable out in a field.  I really wish I didn't have so many.  I really love this fella.  Getting to attached to too many.  Puppies I can let go. Izzy and Ivory were pretty special, especially Izzy as she is so insecure, but they have great homes.  Way more attention then I could provide.  But adult Pyrs just look at me with that "I love you so much" look.....
7/13:  So interesting how one persons truth is anothers' lie and so forth.  It all comes from perspective, personality, history and outside influence.  Simple example:  Star Wars.  My truth is it was stupid and a waste of time.  On the other end, some people lived in it, for it and became part of it.  True, we often see what we want to see because that is what makes us continue to strive.  Negativity, in this instance, is my reality.  It neither makes Star Wars good or bad or nothing at all.  It is in the eye of the beholder.  The eye of the beholder having been influenced by genetics and environment (experience and exposure).   So to know a truth before we experience it, we seek others opinion.  Then we decide based on who we are.  I will be faced with a lot of those truths and lies very soon.  I will find my own truth, be it agreeable with anyone else or no one else.  It will be my truth.  The reality of it will be in the history of the future... and those who try to make sense of it. 
7/12:  Was sleeping really good until someone had to stand in the livingroom and bark.  Assuming the exit was blocked, I got up and found everyone asleep... or pretending.  Do not know who the barker was and no doorway was blocked.  Guess whom ever was just making sure mommy was alive and well and 'on duty'. 
    The past few days have been so busy.  Car in shop Tuesday only to learn it needed an expensive part and I should not drive it until it is fixed.  Part is on order.  I will have to drive the SUV, the gas hog, for several days when my daughter and grandson come tomorrow until the car is fixed. 
     The new carpet for the bedroom (only carpet in the whole house) got put in yesterday.  I could have went my whole life and not noticed the pattern.  I just saw a 'design'.  It is sculptured and I just wanted to get something in as long as the color was reasonable (to match dog hair without showing too much dirt).  Well, my spare bedroom which is way over wall papered with quaint village scene now has Winnie the Pooh carpet!!! 
     Area rugs were 'professionally steam cleaned.  Boy, my Bissell would have done a better job.  I re-did one and will have to re-do the rest.  I hate paying someone to do something and then I have to re-do it. 
     Izzy got her bath last night and ready to meet her new mommy today.  Ezra will not be going to MN.  Maybe Texas, OK or TN instead.  Still waiting on applications.  Three calls all wanting him and settling for Eddie so maybe they will both get homes.  I need to let the 3 know he is available after all.
    3:40 a.m.  Back to bed.  I hope.....
7/8/13:  Bad ,bad morning.  It started out ok but went to shit by 9:30 a.m.  Cooked up hamburger last night so they would have a treat in their breakfast.  Still, half of them did not eat.  The heat, I'm sure.  Went to the vet's and got Revolution in hopes that will help this epidemic I have here.  Many articles online say it will.  Of course they were out of the size I needed so went with larger.  Didn't know it was a liquid like Frontline but that was OK.  I had syringes so was able to pull out the excess and save it in the syringes and then used them for 2 dogs and saved the partial container for later.  Then the fun began!  Well, fun for the pups, not for me.  What did I have in my hand?  I need love.  I need to jump on you and give kisses.   I need to see what you have in your hand.  What did you hide in your pocket.....  They could have cared less about their food bowels.  Decided after the first application I should have just left the full amount in the tubes.  Warning not to get it in contact with human skin... yah, right.  First one I puncture with the little cap, following the instructions, went all over my hand.  Got Echo done and exited to the shop and scrubbed my hands.  Went back to do Ezra.  Same thing.  Wiggle, wiggle.  He was done eating so absolutely nothing to distract him from that 'thing' in my hand.  Damn, I just remembered, I forgot to loosen his collar.  It is getting snug.   I really don't want to go be mauled again....  Anyway, another hand washing.  The saga continued through the remaining 3 pups.  Then I realized my glasses were not hanging from my shirt collar.  Back into the lions dens to look.  Very hard to find glasses when you can barely see.  Spent over 15 minutes in each pit of torture looking for them.  It was fruitless.  I hope they don't break the glass and hurt themselves but I have not a clue. 
7/7/13:  Total meltdown.  I am so upset that Derek has not at least called.  If I had known he was not going to show up, I could have called job force and hired someone else to do the stuff that has got to get done before my daughter and grandson come in 6 days.  Just really pisses me off since I advanced him money for an 'emergency'.  I'm concerned about Dan, the older fella who worked for me.  The one with Tourettes who walks from coast to coast because of an emotional problem.  He was suppose to be back in April but when I spoke with his mom in May, she had not heard from him.  He was/is such a good, honest, hard working person and so appreciative.  One in a million. 
    Think I have an adopter for Ezra but no transports go that way and it's 18 hours away.  No way can anyone put together an 18 to 20 person relay.  I can't do more then 3 hours tops.  I don't need this stress right now.
     Carpet cleaners and carpet layer are coming on Thursday.  Both at the same time.  Bedroom carpet replaced.  Been there since the house was built 23 years ago.  The cleaner guy will do my area rugs.  I just don't have the energy and he is really reasonable.  Too reasonable.  I think he made a calculator error so plan to pay him fair if he does a good job.  My biggest thing is the burn pile.  I am terrified to do it myself.  It has gotten so BIG!  It will have to be spread out before it's lit.  How I miss the tractor!  Of course no one to drive it....   Grief is a strange creature.   It can pop up so quickly...
7/6/13:  Forget sleep.  Survived the fireworks booms.  A lot of barking until about an hour ago.  It is now 2:30 a.m.  I've been up almost continually since I tried to go to bed at 9.  No mater where I go, I am surrounded.  I love them, but I really do need a little space to lay down.  As soon as I get up from this computer chair, there will be a race to the bed and if I'm lucky, I might squeeze in.  If I get there first, I might be squeezed out.  Guess I should at least try.  Just so damn mad at Derek for not showing up.  He owes me 26 hours I advanced him.  Glad I am a better judge of dogs then of people.
6/30/13:  Fez was overdue for a good combing.  It only takes a week of not to get him that way.  It has probably been 2 or 3 weeks as I don't remember him being one of the willing night time participants recently.  So I took him to the shop.  I sewed a little while and then spent 3 hours snipping and trimming and combing.  He looks so 'tidy'.  Left his coat about 4 to 5" long.  Took off a 7 gallon trash basket full of hair.  I do mean FULL.  His tail will still bring in leaves, but a lot less will come in on his belly, feet and 'mane'.  I need to work on his ears.  They smell.  He is just so big and powerful, that without help, I only can do what he lets me.
     That done, I took a nap!  Slept for 3 hours and I feel good.  Made a grill cheese with corn chips and a soda finished off with some frozen yogurt.  Ready to do some house cleaning.  Weather has been so nice, a shame I spent my day inside.
6/29/13:  Meltdown.  I was doing great this morning.  Eve got a fantastic family.  I was able to get Echo and Ezra together and put Eddie in with Izzy and Ebony.  He is very intimidated by them both.  Don't know if it will work.  Do know switching Eddy and Ezra would not work.  No way Ezra will tolerate Ebony and Izzy running the show.  Anyway, I am just so tired.  It keeps catching up to me.  I need to just take a nap when I feel like it.  If the dogs get fed early or late, so be it.  So many things I wanted to get done before my daughter comes in 2 weeks.  Just not going to happen.  Floor needs polished.  Area rugs need steam cleaned.  Bedroom carpet needs replaced.  It is so gross.  Been down since 1989 when the house was built.  Only original stuff left other then linoleum in the computer room and laundry room.  But they mop.  And I need the tile set in the apartment.  I meant to stop and pick up the gunk you use to set it but forgot... for the 20th time. 
    I took a few hours for myself... well sort of.  I let Echo and Ezra into the shop while I TRIED to sew.  Foam out of a mat, stuffing out of a squeaky toy, plastic cover off a just purchased crib mattress, trash out of the trash basket... Ezra has amazing height when he wants something...  After about an hour and a half, I gave up and put them in their yard.  They are enjoying their re-found kinship.  6:17 and I'm off to a cool shower and bed.  Need to catch a nap before the choir goes off at 10. 
6/23/13:  Took the day off to clean!!  Is that really taking a day off?  Why do I feel guilty?  Made up for the dogs lack of daily attention by combing on them from around midnight (since they wouldn't let me sleep) until 4:45.  Took a brief nap and was up with the sun.  No ambition today.  So many things to do but this past Wednesday just overloaded me and I can't seem to recover.  I need to process an application.  I need to lay floor tile.  I need to work with Echo so she will be presentable when her adopters arrive this weekend.  I need to stair and small dog test Myah.  I need to treat hot spots (twice daily).  Fez needs a good comb out.  Micah needs his ear drops.  I need to keep an eye on Myah because I think she is the one who stole the 5 yeast defense capsules off the counter.   I need to find help.  I do not function well alone.  It's 10 a.m. and I'm going to go take a nap!
6/21/13:  Where have the days gone?  I was off line for several days because I pulled too many plugs while moving computers and desks around.  Guy came out yesterday and got everything as it should be.  I even have internet in the apartment.  Still no phone, but at least I didn't screw everything up.  The apartment just needs the 9 tile struck down.  I was in Home Depot and Lowes yesterday and forgot to get the tile cement.  Have the grout. 
    My stomach is in knots.  Ivory is doing so wonderfully but today she goes off to service dog training.  I thought she would be trained WITH her adopter.  I've looked at their FB site and not impressed.  They don't have a regular web site.  The dog containment area sucks.  I am really worried.  She has bonded so well and is so smart.  She is not a GSD or a Doberman or a Fofo dog.  She is an LGD.  I don't think these trainers have a clue about the breed.  I absolutely adore the adopters and I love the dog.  I will be crushed if this goes wrong.  Sick to my stomach with worry is putting it mildly.
    Had some local potential adopters by yesterday.  One wants Micah.  This boy is really stealing my heart.  His ear infection is so bad.  He had to spend the night at the vets night before last.  I could not believe how much I missed him.  I'm getting too old and too unconfident (is that a word?  Must be as spell check let it slide).  Just too many 'keepers'.  I was so lucky to have 2 amazing adopters in the past few weeks and another couple coming next weekend from Texas.  They are taking Echo. I need the rest of the puppies gone.   My arms look like I have been attacked... well, guess I have, but just exuberant enthusiasm for attention.   
   2:39 a.m. so will try to go back to sleep.  Just so worried about Ivory Duddits and her wonderful human.  Some people you just instantly like. 
   Evening:  Got an early email on Duddits and my concerns were lifted.  I had not realized this was the trainer who had trained her previous service dog.   
    I took a 3 hour nap!!!  Had not intended to but fell asleep 3 times reading emails.  Only been up 3 hours but ready to go back to bed.  Geeze I need help! 
6/12/13: I slept reasonably well.  The 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon made a big difference.  I could stay awake until the dogs 'ran out of song' and went to sleep.  Eleven to 5.  Six hours was wonderful! 
6/10/13:  I lost a few days.  Had to look at the computer to see what day it is.  Wonder I am functioning at all after yesterday.  I was putting up some shelves.  Just inserting 2 x 4's between some wall studs for bottles of odds and ends.  I cut one a tad big.  The 2 above it were snuggly in place... until I forced the bigger one into the space.  First the lower one cam crashing down on the top of my head.  Reflex, I bent forward and the second one hit me in the back of the head.  I have 2 very large lumps on my head.  Lesson, attach as you go!  After crying in pain for 10 minutes, ok maybe 5 minutes, I screwed in the boards and finished the project.  Being alone can be scary.  I could have been knocked unconscious.  I don't want to give up DIY projects but I really need to be more careful or do the 'dangerous' stuff on Thursday mornings when the train club members are here.  But then who would think putting a few 2x4's in would be dangerous? 
    I am half finished with the inlay for the carpet.  I found someone to seam it together but more I think about cost, the more I dislike the person and I've not even met him.  Another 'take advantage' person.  I am so sick of people who are common labor who think they can get away with doing a crappy job and get paid $100 an hour.  $125 for 2 - 11' long seams and lay 6 tiles on concrete (about 30 minutes labor and I provide materials).  Lay 50 brick around my fountain $1800 (no decimal point in there). (3 hours labor and I provide materials).  $1300 to move 15 electrical outlets down and eliminate 10 or so others. (6 hours and I provide material).  These are the ones I didn't use but the ones I did were as bad.  $225 for 4 hours to paint the room all one color.  Looks like crap because he said he didn't need the wall prep I offered for where the patches were.  I even did the wall patching!  He just painted.  I provided everything but the plastic bags to cover the light fixtures.  Then I had to do all the cutting in myself because his tape lines weren't straight.   $500 for 6 hours of electrical work.  Would have been less hours had HE not shorted a connection.  And then we have to septic.  It is STILL not working.  Mud poured into the pump during the rain, dried in the line and is like cement. 
   Sun's up.  Dogs are telling me it's breakfast time.
    Evening:  Well, I've added 2 more lumps.  Didn't want the head to feel too special.  A lump the size of a golf ball on my right knee and a smaller one on my right elbow.  Blood and bruised too so guess if you calibrate size and condition, the head and the joints are of equal value.  Walking down to the shop and slipped on loose rocks.  I was even being extra careful because my hips are in full pain mode.  I did get the carpet inlay complete.  It is different is all I can say.  Working from the back, I just had a mental picture of what it would look like.  Didn't know until I turned it over and couldn't do that until it was complete. 
    I spent about an hour or more on the floor with Ivory combing her out.  I will give her a bath Friday and her adopters will be here Saturday.  She is so smart and so social.  She is going to make a wonderful service dog.  Willows adopter is great too and she has settled right in.  I needed these wonderful people getting these great dogs to boost my morale.  Now I just need 4 big puppies to steal the hearts of reasonably intelligent people and not some of the nitwits who have inquired. 
6/7/13:  It would have been our 14th anniversary today.  No wonder I am in such a slump.  Just got to hug dogs.
It's official.  Micah is part of the pack.  He joined in the evening 'sing-a-long'.  Only one not trying to harmonize was Fez.  He just cheers them on with 'squeak, squeak'.  Guess he's the instrument section.  They are the choir.  
6/5/13:  Busy past week and this one is proving to be also.  Heading out in a half hour to take Willow to meet Althea who will drive to Conway to meet Art, the transport guy.  They leave out in the morning for CT.  My nerves are shot.  Getting back into rescue even after such a brief span of time and having dogs leave is bitter sweet.  I know both Willow and Ivory are going to fantastic homes.  No doubts.  I wish they were all so cut and dry easy.  Just overwhelmed with so much going on and seems I'm caught in quick sand struggling in place and not able to get out. 
    The hoorays for the septic pump were premature.  The pain job in the apartment sucks.  A little my fault but only a little.  I did offer him the wall primer for the patch areas and he said it was not needed.  Even I knew they would absorb paint differently.  Sure enough.  They may be smooth, but they are obvious.  And I still have no phone.  The train guys worked at it for over an hour.  They are just so amazing.  Bill reminds me of Loren in the way as soon as I mention something, he is right on it trying to fix it.  Makes me feel bad just as it did with Loren.  I don't intend to be asking anyone to fix things.  So I need to try to keep my mouth shut about stuff that needs fixed.  I don't want to take advantage.  The mess I made of the phone is sure bugging me, though.  I left a message with the retired telephone pioneers club asking if someone would help.  Hope they call back.
    Some good news/bad news.  Holly has made it official, she is a foster failure.  She is keeping Tessa.  I am thrilled... however, they are moving away for jobs.  I will really miss her but know she will be helping many dogs in her new location.
    Sounds like I need to go pick up puppy food bowls.  They were not finished when I came up.  It sounds like a brass band down there!  Those teeth can destroy a steel bowl. 
5/30: Storm blew through about 3:00.  We just finished up the shelter in the new dog yard.  However the wind blew the rain horizontal so it was not very effective.  Oh well, they did take shelter in the igloos.  It is still a nice deck with shade and shelter from direct downpour.  Day started at 5.  Trip to vet to take Echo and Eddie for altering.  Pick up Ezra and Eve.  Made a trip back for Ivory.  Another trip to pick up Micah.  Tomorrow morning will be busy too.  Pick up Echo and Eddie then an appointment with Goofy.  He has a hot spot and is has doubled in size for 3 days.  Looks infected.  He's on antibiotics and I use the powder but he runs.  Now he refuses to eat even though I add hamburger and hide the pills in a liverwurst ball.  I'm pretty worried.  Zelda had one a few weeks ago and hers cleared up fine with the protocol.  But then she was not refusing to let me help. 
    9 p.m. and I'm beat.  Parker wants back in the bathtub to hide but he has a really hard time getting in and out and I am afraid he is going to hurt a leg.  He will have to hide in the shower or just snuggle under the covers with me.  Lacy, Zelda, Arlo, Sahara, and Hanna are afraid of storms too.  I sure have had a lot of followers all afternoon. 
5/29:  About time the trend changed and things are going right... knock on wood.  The sewage pump seems to be fixed.  I was right.  The walls to the office/apartment are looking good.  3 dogs got altered.  Two have definite adopters.  Two have possible adopters.  Three others have enquires.  Arlo and Ebony are the only ones being overlooked.  If I didn't already have so many, I'd keep Izzy.  She is really stealing my heart.  Guess because she was so scared and all of a sudden she is bonding with me.  Poor Micah is at the vet with a horrible ear infection.  I sure hope we can get it under control.  He is such a wonderful boy.  I wish I could bring him in the house too, but 5 males... well, bad enough having 7 females.
     Lacy is visiting.  She is always such a joy.  If all the dogs would be as perfect as she is.  She is confused tonight.  She always stayed by Loren on the floor by his bed.  this is the first time she has been here when he no longer is.  I think I am going to sleep in his bed so she will not be as confused.  Sweetness will figure it out and come in eventually. 
    I found navy blue carpet to blend with the gold and burgundy for the office/apartment.  I have taken time to play with some designs in photoshop.  I know how I would like to do it but it would be really hard.  If I could lift, I could do it but I am sure I will not get a carpet layer to do it.  Have to think basic simple.  Picked up materials for a doggie deck and lean-to.  Derek will be here tomorrow to build it.  I have a lot of running to do with dogs.  Then Parker comes back at noon.  Going to be tough on him.  I hope Fez does not give him a bad time.  I'm not concerned with the others.  Fez just barely knew him.  The rest were here with him as he was here a very long time. 
5/25/13:  Some people not only disappoint you but they piss you off.  I've got a list started!  Getting longer by the day.  Hopefully the painter who comes Tuesday will not make the list.  So far I have an adopter, an electrician, a septic guy, a bush hog lady, my grandson, the phone company (even the supervisor could not figure out why my bill was double what it was suppose to be), the life insurance people and the VA.  I've even got one dog on the list.  He is SO alpha and such a bully to the others.  UGH! 
    Seems like all I did today was poop scoop and change water.  The 2 things I find the hardest to do because of the lifting.  Seven scooper things full every day and that is not any from the house dogs.  They (mostly) go up on the hill.  Can't use the wheel barrow because of the steepness of the hills.  Seven trips.  Was in Lowes today and forgot the thing you put on the end of the hose to close it off.  Have 2 but need a third for the new yard.  Otherwise I have a flood by the time I run to turn it off.  Can't start it and walk back because the pups think it is great fun to pick up the end and squirt it everywhere.... darn, just remembered forgot their wormer.  It's getting dark...
    Dark:  Final worming went well.  Izzy just got her first as came 2 days later then the others.  Set down for a run through of FB and depression hit.  I sure hope someone saves the 2 Pyrs in Springdale.  I just don't have the room.  I'm just feeling so overwhelmed right this instant.  If I just had someone to come do the water every day.  I can take smaller loads of poop and more trips if I have to, but the water is my biggest problem.  No mater how I arrange hoses, the containers still have to be lifted and dumped outside their yards.  I can't just tip them over and make a mud bog.  Lifting is necessary.  Not being able to do things I could easily do a few years ago is really making me realize I'm old.  And my arms!  I remember all the old people and how they bruise so easily and bleed so easily and thinking "golly, they are old" and I looked at my arms a few days ago and went into shock.  I look just like 'them'.
5/22:  No sleep.  Finally reached my grandson.  He's been avoiding me.  I knew "she" would be back in the picture as soon as she found out he might actually be able to make a life for himself.  She is such an evil person.  I just re-wrote that sentence.  First I said Witch, but witches can have a good side.  I've not found hers.
    Susan will go with again today and we will pick up the last Komondor.  I finally got their pix up.  I'm not sure if I got the right names on each pix.  I was sure I had more then one of Echo, but she is such a sweet little thing and she just goes off and minds her own business.
    They all got wormed yesterday.  "Izadora" will be a day behind on the 3 days.   I need to get out today and pick up another bottle as I will run out otherwise.  I'll need help giving their shots.  That will have to be Saturday when Amber is here to help with puppy baths. 
    Dogs looked so great from their baths yesterday.  Last night, they had already gotten a bit dirty.  I was just too tired to get fresh pix. 
   Hopefully Derrick will show up today.  I bought 330 feet of fencing and 20 posts to make 2 more yards.  Not sure what I will come up with for shelter other then the igloos.  Too bad I donated everything only to replace it, but they needed it worse then I did at the time.  Never say never when you are a rescue.  The only end is the grave.... yours.
     Evening:  A long day.  Izadora is so scared.  I am sure she will come around for attention tomorrow.  I had too many things on my agenda today to spend the time needed there with her.
     A friends husband came over and helped set up another dog yard.  Half done in 3 hours.  He will be over after work to finish it off tomorrow.  Then Friday we will get the next one started.  I've got to get a better 'puppy' situation.  Feeding time is improving as their tummies begin to be full, but Eve and Ezra have food issues.  They want theirs and what ever the others have as well.  It is a good thing I am taking the time to work on this now or they would not be adoptable except by Komondor savvy adult humans.   I really don't know if separation is the best thing, but I only have me and 2 hands so if they each pick a victim, I can't separate two pair of dogs.    Poor Izadora only got a little food before she was run off from her dish.  I would have held it for her but she is not ready to let me close to her yet.  I can see the 'want' in her eyes, just not the courage.
5/21/13:  Been busy.  Between the remodel to the shop, trips to rescue more dogs, puppy baths, dog food and fencing trips,  and battling allergies (and ticks), I barely have time to eat. 
     Storm is still raging. Seven dogs in the computer room with me. Others are right outside the door in the livingroom. They'd all be in here, but no more floor space. You'd think the rain would knock out my allergies, but no. "Upgraded" to Claritin. That was a waste. It is not working. Took it 8 hours ago and it says 'do not take more then one every 24 hours.' I got to do something so guess it will be a call into the company. I can't function the way I am right now, runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing, swollen glands.
    Four dogs go in for baths today. I hope they don't go roll in the mud when I bring them home. Amber is coming in from KC and is going to help with baths this weekend. Wish I had known last week and I would not have made the appointment for these. I may switch 2 and save the easiest for me and Amber. I still have 3 puppies and 3 adults that need a bath besides the 4 scheduled. Would not hurt to re-bathe the 3 I already did. They still stink.
    My son is willing to bring James, my grandson, and meet me in KC this weekend.  Only chance he has to make the trip.  Now we just need to find James.  If he does not come, I don't know what I am going to do.  I desperately need help on a daily basis.   I need someone to clean water, poop scoop and socialize and work on leash training the pups.  I can pretty much manage the rest.  I just can't be lifting or be mobbed by sharp puppy claws.  That old age 'bleed easy' has set in and I look like I've been mauled... Well, I guess I have. 
5/13/13:  Another full day and my back is killing me.  I guess I need to make an appointment and try the chiropractor again.  Not sure if the ins. will pay.  Just too much legal language in those 2000 plus pages.  Yes, no exaggeration, 8.5 x 11 printed on both sides and 7" high.  Then a letter from the life insurance that I do not understand.  Scanned and sent to the lawyer.  I just don't get it.  Well, yes I do.  They want to make me 'go away' with some excuse that I didn't fill out some form properly so I don't get his life insurance which they continued to decrease by $10,000 every year on his birthday.  Guess they were hoping he'd last 5 more years so the amount would have been zero.  And I know the electrician is going to sock it to me.  I need to get a second estimate.  Maybe 3.  Just got this uneasy feeling about the guy.  Like the brick guy wanting $1800 to put about 50 bricks around my fountain.  I hope to have the energy and brain power to get my shower base in tomorrow.  I'm still confident I can do it.  I do need to check e-how to be sure my cut on the liner is correct. 
     I let Arlo and Myah back over.  Just opened the door after I fed.  Poor things just went out in the yard wanting to avoid any confrontation.  Arlo did come briefly into the livingroom following me.  He saw Fez and got uneasy.  A few minutes later, Goofy was carrying on at Fez.  All Fez was doing was laying in the middle of the floor.  This is just such a strange situation.  I am at a loss.  I did email Karen but not heard back yet. 
    Willow and Micah bark all night.  No let up.  I would like to sleep with the window open but it's just too loud.  I'm not sure what to do.  I know the neighbors are probably getting pretty tired of it.  I know I am.  I can't bring them up.  Goofy would have a nervous breakdown if I added any more.  Willow would be fine, aside from peeing on the area rugs, but another male would be too much for these guys to handle. 
    Zelda didn't eat again tonight.  She skips about every third meal.  She is still so depressed.  She has been sick with something no amount of blood work or x-rays will reveal and has been for a long time.  She is just much more pathetic since Loren got sick and doubly since he died.  If it were not for family and the other dogs, I'd just want to curl up with her and not wake up. 
5/11/13:  Got up at 2 a.m.  The shower in the shop has made for sleepless nights.  I knew I was just going to keep hating the thing.  Went down and started knocking out the wall!!  Yep. I did!  Just the 'fake' wall that made the room so small.  I packed up the shower that I really wanted and loaded it up.  I went to Lowes when they opened and got my money back.  I toyed with alternatives and ended up at Home Depot where I got more help.  I bought 2 boxes of 97 cent tile (I only needed half a box but allowing for screw ups when I try to cut it without the proper masonry saw).  I spend a grand total of $68 for the tile, shower liner and adhesive.  I have plenty of mortar and grout.  So not a bad deal considering I got $432 back for the shower.  I've never done this before but I have full confidence.  I do wish the hole for the drain was over 2" as that is going to be a hard cut.  I'm afraid to ask since they are going to be in shock when they see I tore out their wall.   Tomorrows Mothers Day so I won't get "the look" until Monday :-).  Anyway, I like my new plan. 
     I moved all the collars onto the peg board in the new 'show room' I'm working on.  I need more stuff organized and cleaned up before I can start moving bed covers and area rugs.  I tried to find my old floor person but think he might have moved away.  I really like the way he lays tile and carpet.  I have had my share of jerks.  I suspect I will be doing it myself.  I want to use pieces I have in the office/apartment.  3x4 foot tile at the door and the rest carpet.  The room is way too big for any of the pieces I have so planning a 'shooting' design.  Colors will merge at the center of the tile and go out like a fan with each "V" a variation of 4 or 5 colors.  I'll need to see what pieces I have.   It will be a fun place with interesting colors every where.  I've always been so conservative so it's time to be liberal in my designs.  I'm hoping the striped sofa at the HS will still be there when I am ready for one.  If not, something more fun might come along. 
     It's 8 and the 2 a.m. thing has really caught up.  I literally fell asleep in the bath tub. 
5/9/13:  Day started with rain, got dry and hot, not thunder and lightening.  At least it was a productive day.  Derrick came and we got the kennel back in place off the shop.  It is now 30 x 40.  I still have 4 panels left for some temp place in an emergency... like another fight.  God forbid.   Anyway, also got my wall up in the shop.  Now I can start moving things from my work room into the area where the pickup was.  I'd like to do away with the garage door and make a wall and windows, but just not feasible.  On the other side, the train guys put the walls up for my bathroom.  I am pretty disappointed.  They missed their mark and now everything had to be changed and I lost a lot of space to "dead space".  I hate waste.  Everything needs a useable purpose.  Dead space is just that.  dead!   Door is going to hit the sink every time it is opened.  Another issue.  And more dead space where to plumbing is coming in.  Makes the toilet only 2 feet away from the shower.  A tight fit.  I was busy supervising Derrick.  I should have been supervising the 'pros'. 
     Guess I will run a bath before I lose power.  Have a great battery lamp/lantern one of my adopters bought me so if the power does go off, I can still have light.
5/8/13:  I picked up "Micah" from the HS yesterday.  I was going to pick up Rosebud today but things went terribly wrong.  I was just heading out the door to go get her when a fight erupted in the back yard.  I turned off the car and ran.  Arlo was cornered.  Fez was going after him.  He kept following an attacking while I tried to pull Arlo to safety.  They both have wounds.  I have no idea who, what or why triggered it.  Goofy is very mad at Fez.  He has been for several weeks.  I have had to really be vigilant.   Anyway, I can't separate them.  They have to co-exist.   I am very torn on this.  Arlo and Myah are on Bears side.  Willow is down with Micah.  Hopefully I can get the shop in order in the next few days and the fence back up.  I may put Fez down there with all his toys and be sure I spend several hours a day with him.  I am at a loss.  I love them both. 
     I put Loren with Joyce today.  Charlie got to be placed with them also.  Sometimes throwing a temper tantrum wins.  When you are right, you have to stand up and not budge on the issue.  Strange how I feel right now.  It is like a loss all over again.  But he bought the niches to be with Joyce and that is how it needed to be.  I feel more 'alone' then ever. 
5/3/13:  Just found out the VA starts all over again as if Loren never filed last September.  This all falls to "my widows benefits".  It would still be retroactive $$ wise to Sept. but wait period started when I filed for widows benefits.  All the files got moved to some "M" state.  Michigan, I think.   Now I also find out we should have ignored all those letters asking for more information!  Why didn't he say that in the first place?!  We need a civil war.  "We the people" against "them the bureaucrats".  Just shoot them all, throw out everything and start over with the old constitution.  No income tax,  right to bear arms, and most of all, a government of the people, by the people and FOR the people.  That got lost a long time ago when elected officials exempted themselves from laws made "for the populace". 
     Paid for the new septic.  He did not balk at the 2 year guarantee I gave him to sign.  I am not going to spend money to have any more of their screw-ups fixed.  I just want this done and life back to some semblance of order.  He brought in gravel (which I paid for) which he will spread when the weather cooperates.  I need gravel so the dogs don't track mud into the shop.
    Brought Arlo and Willow up yesterday.  They were on Bears side.  (it will always be Bears side).  They were fine but the "I can't get to them so I'll get to you" mentality kicked in and I had an 8 way dog fight on my hands.  Just kept grabbing a dog and closing it in to a bathroom or bedroom or family room or outside.  Good thing there were not more dogs as I would have run out of places.  Never did figure our whose white fur with blood on it came from Fez's mouth.  Things are back to normal today... including the allergies.
    Bought hamburger for the dogs but Dawn had leftovers from lunch yesterday so I am making spaghetti for myself.  They will get the leftovers from that tomorrow. 
     10 p.m.  I am so mad at myself.  Won't be able to sleep.  I agreed to pay for the fill dirt and gravel to put the yard back the way it was before they put the sewer line in.  That should be part of the job!!! I'm going to ask for my $300 back.  I should ask for compensation for having to stand out there and supervise and turn off lights and prop open and close the fridge every time I was without power.  Trips in the night because they didn't turn lights off.  More I think about it the madder I get.  If it was not so late, I'd be calling now.  I hate Arkansas born men.  They are all a bunch of chauvinistic red neck jerks who take advantage of women.  I'm just as mad at myself for letting it happen.    Computer is fixing to shut down and I don't know how to stop it.   Loren forgot to fix it.  I am ready to just scream.... tired, frustrated.....I need to find that cave....
5/1/13: Allergies!!! I took a Benadryl at 10:30 to go to sleep. Miserable. Itchy eyes, swollen glands, itchy in my ears, runny nose. Was really "out" when I got company. At first I accused Hanna but it only took a few seconds to realize it was Myah on the bed.... on my head... pawing me.... resting her head on my neck.... pawing me...uprooting me off my pillow... pawing me..... And then it happened!... Allergies kicked in full force. I made my escape. Decided to go to the bathroom and good thing I did. When old people sneeze, they trickle. Luckily I was where I needed to be when a hundred successive sneezes ensued. Never did stream.. sneeze, drip, drip, sneeze drip drip, sneeze drip drip..... After five minutes of continuing sneezes and drips, I managed to get my last 'real' Benadryl open and swallowed. I changed my night shirt but had just changed the sheets a few hours earlier. I felt like I should take another bath. Myah, as with the others, lays out in the tall grass which I can't get bushhogged, and brings in allergins. I have 2 options, change the sheets again or crawl in the other bed which also has clean sheets. Either way I will be changing sheets in the morning as Dawn is driving over from Tulsa to spend the day and night with me for my birthday. 4 1/2 hours sleep is not enough so guess I will crawl in the clean bed, deserting Fez, Sahara and Sweetness. What a guilt trip. They are my shadows and they will be moving to be near me when they realize I'm not coming back to that bed.
4/28/13:  Survived the sale and survived today.  Big stuff will be picked up tomorrow so another busy day.  The safe, the motorcycle lift and the work benches are going tomorrow.  Then I will re-organize the stuff left into the front of the shop where the lift is.  The middle of the shop will be my 'tool room'.  I kept the drill press, table saw and cut off saw plus all the battery powered tools.  A few air tools.  Lots of hand tools and a million nuts, bolts, wood screws, metal screws and all that kind of stuff.  It still needs a lot of sorting but no hurry.  Once everything has some order to it and the office is turned into an apartment then I will start sorting the little stuff.  I love being organized but it has been very rare for a long time.
    Some computer people from the college came today to help get Lorens computer fixed and make sure mine is  as it should be.  The young man was wide eyed with envy when he opened up Lorens case and saw the high end components.  He even got out his cell phone and took some pix of the 'guts'.   Had to pull out one HD to make it boot.  Not sure why.  Later he will bring something to test it and pull info off it.  The only failure was Lorens older laptop.  He did not make a note of his password so we could not get into it.  It is full and I would like to give it to my mom.  Can't unless we can get in.  Tomorrow I will start an elimination process.  It should be a variation of his primary password as everything is.  Searched through his log book and searched for a hidden note that would give a clue but came up empty.  Very frustrating.  I don't think he ever told me it was different. 
    I found out he had a lot of really neat and expensive 'stuff'.  A Kindle(?), an I-Pod (?) that was one of the early versions that I guess is really sought after.  An external DVD burner for the new laptop.  Geeze, I should have labeled stuff.  I can't remember what the rest is called or used for but they said it was really cool stuff and I should learn to use it.  I gave that a lot of stuff they could recycle or use as components for repair and building.  I do have a stack of hard drives that I want to look in and see if there is stuff I might need.  Records of tax returns, etc.  Especially the one they just pulled out that was keeping it from booting. 
    I woke up at 3 this morning and got up and cleaned until feeding time.  Then I went back to bed until just before the computer people came.  Boy, it was a much needed nap.  But it's after 9 now and I am ready for a hot bath, clean sheets (unless the dogs have already made themselves comfortable), and a good nights sleep (unless the dogs bark all night).   Sure is a lot of "(unless)" in this plan.
4/26/13:  My Estate Sale today.  Still have stuff to carry down but it's raining... correction, storming.  I really did not need this.  I really need this stuff sold.  Life has continued to spiral down hill.  My tractor is broke.  They came and picked it up.  Appears some hunter must have mistaken my (John) Deere for a dear.  Guy said there were 'pits' and broken glass in places that only a bullet could have caused (or rocks slung by a county grass mower).  Broke where you view the hydraulic so all that leaked out.  Few other things broke too.  Over $1000 not counting the bushhog is dead.  To fix that would be more then buying new.  I told them to just put the tractor on consignment to sell.  I just have to trust them as don't know what else I can do.  A $16,000 tractor and I'll be luck to get half.  I really need the gun safe sold and out of the way.  My new washer & Dryer come today.  People backed out on buying the old.  I saw them in Lowes buying a new set on 'credit'.  That is how people get in financial trouble.  Been there, done that.  Anyway, maybe if the guys come with it early, I'll have it in the shop and get it sold.  Need the table sold too.  I want a simple table that if it gets scratched, it won't matter and chairs that are on casters.  I'm done with elegant.  You can't have 10 dogs in the house and be elegant. 
    Looks like the storm may be passing.  Hope my signs didn't all dissolve.  They were on poster board.  I spent hours making them because my printer would not let me 'cheat' on paper size.   Quarter to 7.  Starts at 8.  Probably no one will show up since it's raining.... storming... scratch that 'passing' remark.  Thunder just had to catch a breath before it boomed again.
4/24/13:  Computer person from the college will be here Sunday.  I may 'vanish' if this gets screwed up.  Yesterday went so crappy, I don't trust anyone.
     I am just so tired.  Mostly emotionally.  Why can't anyone do things right???  I pay "professionals" and they are idiots.  Yesterday was exceptionally bad.  New groomer.  Any idiot knows you brush out a Pyr (or any double coated dog ) BEFORE you give them a bath.  Mariah is ruined.  This beautiful Pyr now looks like a white Chow.  Diane, her son and myself are devastated.  She cut almost all the hair off her tail and took all her 'feathering' off her legs.  That was not even matted.  Then they shaved a huge area around her butt.  She is going to itch like crazy when it starts to grow out.  I have Myah and Willow scheduled but not going to happen.  And when I get home, the back hoe guy has destroyed my drain line, a water line and almost cut the main power line.  Ripped the pipe holding the lines to shreds.  First thing this morning (it's 2 a.m. right now) I will be on the phone to the contractor.  I want a licensed electrician out here to pipe over the lines.  If the wires are just covered up, they could rot and electrocute us all.  I have no confidence left on this project. 
     Having the sale Friday and Sat.  Betty and Nancy will help.  I get my new washer and dryer on Friday so that is going to be complicated being at the shop and at the house at the same time.  I really didn't need  a new set but I have hated these since the first load.  The new won't hold a king size comforter but at least what I do put in will get enough water to get clean.  I have been 'faking' these out with their "load sensor" for years and am just tired of not being able to just put cloths in and start the darn thing and leave.  I don't want "water saver", I want lots of water to know my clothes are clean. 
     Suppose to get a new battery charger for the golf cart.  They better not try to charge me.  It never was any good.  And the tractor people have been avoiding me.  Went down last week to start up the tractor to bush hog the back ad there was a huge puddle of oil or something under it.  It has not been started since it was parked after spending $900+ to get it fixed and $20,000 in medical bills because Loren fell off the trailer and broke his wrist when we went to get it.
     And then if we really want to get to incompetence... I don't have a clue if I am still health insured. There are 3 people in the 'department' and I have spoken with all 3 on different days.  I get 3 entirely different information.   Selling everything, finding a cave and taking the dogs is sounding better all the time. 
4/18/13:  Almost 4 a.m.  I slept like a log for 6 straight hours.  Maybe even 7.  Then I had a nose in my face.  Sweet Hanna joined me.  She has not been up much lately.  Myah is still 'herding' her so she isn't in much.  Plus the weather has been nice and she enjoys laying up on the hill.  Anyway, that was at 2 a.m.  She got down around 3:30 after I yelped because she caught me in the lip with "the paw".  I had tried to go back to sleep and she wanted more attention.  I realized I was laying in a huge pile of dirt.  I got up, shook the top sheet and began sweeping away the dirt on the bottom sheet with my hand.  Just as I was done and started to crawl back in bed, she was up again, marching across the bed and plopping across all the pillows like Sissy does.  I give up.  Hurt her feelings because I didn't come back to bed.  Dogs have no concept of human space. 
4/17/13:  Today is better.  Did not start off well at all but I think God got tired of listening to me get hysterical.  It is so unlike me.  First the guy I hired to help around here said he knew all about farm stuff but could not find reverse nor the break release on the tractor.  In the process, I discovered oil had been leaking.  Since it has not been driven since we paid $900+ for repairs (plus Loren broke his wrist strapping it to the trailer) they will come and fix what ever.  Anyway, scratch bush hogging off the list.  In just 3 days the grass in the back has grown a foot high.  No exaggeration.  So we moved on to spraying wasp nests, leaf raking and weed killing.  I don't think the mix on the week killer was right.  Way too much was missing out of the container.  Just hope the dogs don't get sick.  I kept them in for 8 hours but just couldn't keep them in any longer.  They did their thing and then I got them back in. 
     In the mean time, I had an appointment with Area on Aging to help me with the insurance.  She forgot.  I was there.  She wasn't.  More frustrated crying.  I called Candy to come this weekend.  She had offered, I said I was ok, then I wasn't ok but she had made another commitment.  Anyway, I'm ok again.  I need to call her soon and let her know.
     I took the worker guy to lunch so he could drop me to pick up my car from the repair shop. 
     I was able to reach the insurance person with AT&T to help me with the forms.  Of all the many calls I have made, today I finally got a human.   I got them almost done.  Then I called the number for the life ins. policy and he was nice and helped me finish the forms.   Tomorrow I have to go get them notarized and mailed off (after I make copies).  Then I got a call back from a local man who can help me with the VA forms.  We meet tomorrow morning at 9.  Things are finally coming together.  Still have to deal with health insurance issues and the original VA claim and the trust documents but at least one major thing is on it's way and another will be on it's way tomorrow.  Two down and 3 to go. 
    I brought Mariah up for a little while.  Apple caused trouble.  She just wants to play and does it terrier style, not Pyrenees style.   They just don't "get" her.  Neither do I.  Anyway, Willow is so laid back, I eventually put her over with Mariah.  Mariah got the curly lip too many times so I put her back.  We will work on it.  Hopefully the words "no curly lip" will become synonymous with removal from the pack. 
    By 5 I had showered and ready for bed.  Forgot to put the trash out so it's either get dressed or wait until it's dark and take it out.  I may just hope I wake up before they come in the morning.  
4/15/13:  I'm falling apart.  The whole world is falling apart too.  Total chaos at the vets.  I just went in to pay the bill.  I was the only one in there when I arrived.  Over and over I said, "Don't forget my discount".  I knew the amount seemed high.  I wrote the check.  Got the print out... yep, you guessed it.  Also no HW test results.  What is the point of having a receipt for having it done if it does not show the results?  I waited while the waiting room filled up.  I wanted it fixed.  When I left there were about a dozen angry people in the waiting room.  Messed up appointments (3 scheduled with the same vet for the same time slot).  I got the new receipt and guess what... still wrong.  I'll deal with it later.  It felt like the place was ready to erupt into a riot.
    I ran into an old friend that I thought left the planet.  Her life is coming apart too.  I suggested she call or come over and I'd treat her to lunch some day.  Sadly, I don't think it will happen.  I tried.  Too bad as I really do like her.
    I have got to face the VA paperwork today.  I have just got to do it even if I do it wrong.  It is so frustrating. 
   Evening:  Second evening in a row the same person has said they would be here to buy the washer and dryer.  They are a half hour late so suspect they won't show up tonight either.  This is so inconsiderate.  I put the dogs out.  Then give up and let them back in. 
    I dropped the car off for servicing.  About choked at the estimate.  Tune up can wait.  Guess it won't be ready until tomorrow.  Good thing I am using the SUV for the dog trip.
    I gathered my VA papers and went to the local VA office at 11:15.  No one was there.  Killed some time and had lunch.  Tried again at 12:30.  No one was there.  Went back at 2:00.  No one was there.  I asked at another office and they said they didn't know what hours she kept.  There was no phone number on the door and no hours posted.  I also tried the local DAV office which is on the next floor.   Same scenario.  There was a mail slot in the door so I went out to the SUV and found paper and wrote a note to call me.  I have got to get these papers filled out.
     I am having to fight for the life insurance.  I had a paper they sent Loren on his birthday.  I cannot find it.  It detailed the amount, etc.  "Congratulations on your milestone birthday.  We have now reduced your life insurance by $10,000" or words to that effect.  I have went through all the trash inside and out.  All the drawers.  All the folders.  It is one of those things I was so careful not to lose... I have been in hysterical tears most of the day.  I really am coming apart.  If I don't get the life insurance and the VA settlement, I am in real trouble down the road.  I just can't deal with all the people that act like giving you what you are due is coming out of their own pocket. 
4/14/13:  I struggle through today.  For several days I have been going through "Lorens box".  The personal items, photos, childhood report cards, letters he wrote his mom and first wife while he was in Viet Nam.  I realize how much I didn't know.  It all showed through what a wonderful person he was.  But I just did not know his struggles.  He never let them show.  He was the Knight in shining armor who had to struggle to stay on the horse.   He could slay dragons but could not tell of the event.  He took a HS class in German and flunked.  I'm sure it was in an effort to talk to his grandpa whom did not speak English. 
    He was not the straight "A" student I had thought.  Not that he mislead me.  He had an IQ of 160 so I just assumed.  But he was in introvert and it showed in his grades and notes from teachers on his report cards.  I think he was your typical bored genus caught in a time when it was just not recognized.  If he liked something, he excelled far beyond the norm.  If he didn't, it was a waste of his time.  He conquered every challenge he set for himself.  If he wanted to accomplish something, he did what ever it took to achieve that goal.  But if it did not interest him, he would not put in the slightest effort.  That is how he was in grammar school right up until the day he died.  The only thing he could not accomplish was beating cancer. 
    Not knowing what to do with a lot of things is so hard.  He had no children.  He was not close with his brother.  Anything including the parents or his brother, I am boxing to send to his brother.  I have to send his dad's gun through dealers.  Their dad was a cop.  I hate having to trust people I don't know to get the gun to him.  But it needs to be there. 
     I wish I knew where to locate Joyce's sister.  I don't even know how to begin. Loren and I tried back in 1999 when we got married.  I suggested he need to do that but we hit dead ends.  Actually we never even had a good lead.  She was older then Joyce by several years so may be deceased.  Sister would be about 74 years old.  It would be nice if she were alive and I could send her Joyce's photos and keepsakes.  When we get old all those memories are so important. 
     Regrets.  I only found one photo of Loren and I together.  It was just before we got married.  It probably is the only photo ever.  We took many of each other.  One of us was always behind the camera.  Don't wait.  Hand the camera to someone else today, right now and hug your loved ones.  Have that camera clicking away.  Do it every week.  And print them!!  Hard drives crash.  Cell phones become old.  CD's wear out. Having only one photo is heartbreaking.  Actually make hard copies and put them in photo albums.  When you die, do you really think your next of kin is going to download all your pix off the computer and cell phone and keep them for the next generation???
4/13/13:  Every muscle in my body aches.  Too much lifting.  Too much being drug by the Saints.  Too many water containers to drag and lift.  I'm literally sick to my stomach from back pain.  Sick to my stomach from stress of all the paperwork I need to get done and filed/sent in.  I'm still in search of that cave I can go crawl in.  I would search harder if I didn't have dogs I love and that love me... just too many of them.
    I was blaming Apple for the puddles on the floor but it has been Willow.  I have never had a Pyr go in the house.  I think it is because she is afraid to go past the dogs blocking the doggie door.  I need to be more diligent in escorting her out side.  I had another dog I had to do that with for several weeks.  Can't remember who. 
    Copy from my FB page" Don't you just hate when someone comes to buy a chair and tries to save your soul? My soul doesn't need saving. As long as I get across that Rainbow Bridge someday, I'm good! What was really interesting is this guy uses a vet that is evil and sadistically cruel to animals. Secondly, he feeds crap dog food to his dog. Third, he knows I'm trying to sell things to help with bills since my husband just died and he was constantly trying to Jew down the price. I think the jerk needs to take a good hard look in the mirror. Preaching to me is like Tiger Woods telling Michael Jordan how to play basketball".....
    Mariah is back.  She is happy to see me.  She is a mess.  I am pretty angry that they have not picked up a comb or even taken her collar off in 8 months since I was last there to help groom her out.  The hair around her neck was so matted it was unbelievable.  I spent over 2 hours just moving around her body combing out mats and tons of undercoat.  Since I can't get to my grooming tub, I'll try to get her into Petco for a bath.  No one else will take her.  I hate that my groomer moved away. 
     Beethoven and Harley leave Tuesday.  I'll meet Holly in Marshall.  I will miss them but then I won't miss the work.  Just 2 huge, happy galoots that shake the whole shop when they play.  I just wish I could physically handle them and that Beethoven would not go over the fence... and that Harley had not gotten so traumatized by the hot wire which didn't even phase Beethoven.  Anyway, I have to tear out the kennel panels for the sewer line and I need the shop room where they are empty so the guys can put a door in.  Just cannot work around them and no where else to contain them. 
     Going to go soak my aching back.  I have been sleeping in Lorens bed because I don't hear the barking as loud.  I still need to put clean sheets on "my" bed for the dogs.   Do I actually have a bed I can call mine??
4/6/13:  I started out around 4 a.m.  By 9, it felt like noon.  By 2, it felt like bed time.  It is now approaching 6:30.  I know it's bed time... or at least soak in the tub time.
    I got the ickies cut out of Willows tail.  She has so much pantaloon that the poop sticks.  She was not very cooperative but it had to be done.  I considered calling to get her groomed but just don't have the energy to take her in.  She gets spayed Wednesday.  Myah on Thursday (they postponed her again). 
     I don't feel like I accomplished much but I was busy all day... well, almost all day.  I did take about half an hour to just sit on the deck in the swing and wish.. oh how I wish.. but he's not going to be beside me ever again.  The rest of the day was filled with going through stuff and getting pix of Willow and Apple and getting them posted.  I alternated back and forth as going through stuff is just too hard.  Strange how at first it all needs to go and then you retrieve a good part of it.  And the choices I made.  Weird.  His levis will fit me (rolled up, of course) so that's a no brainer... or no heart decision.  Bedroom slippers, another story.  Socks.  Yes, weird.  The pocket T's I listed on Freecycle along with the sweat pants.   I have someone to give the western shirts too.  I'll sell the Stetson he never wore.  Know the box is somewhere.  And so many gadgets.  I don't know what they are or how to use them.  I looked them up to find prices.  Many were never opened. 
     I canceled all the TV today.  I never watch.  then I realized I probably should have sold the TV's first so people could see how good the picture is on each.  Oh well, it's done. 
     Did I mention I sold the Corvette?  It was a heart thing but I never drove it and never would.  I'm satisfied with the price I set and the buyers are grinning from ear to ear.  I did forget to empty the CD changer so I did ask them to return any that might be in there.  Held like 36.  Didn't even check the glove box.  Did find several missing towels.  I need to call Home Health Care Monday and let them know.  I felt like the nurse might have taken them and I did tell them that I might have misplaced them but thought I should say something since a week had went by and I'd not found them.  Who would think to look in the trunk of a car I only drove to the car wash and then totally forgot I had put the towels in there to dry it.  I didn't even dry it because I forgot I put them in there.  I did so good last week but this week it is catching up to me.  The surreal is gone and the reality is crashing in on me.
4/5/13:  I was doing so good until the mail came today.  Loren had ordered a big book on "Winning the Battle Against Prostate Cancer".  He wanted so much to live.  I miss him so much.  I try to be so tough on the outside...  Inside, my heart has been ripped out.
4/1/13:  Another busy day.  I didn't have to create things to do like I did yesterday.  Banks, returned the Home Health care stuff, returned the wheel chair and went to Social Security.  I should have taken Lorens books back to the library but there is plenty of time.  Called about the CC and got zinged!!!  I didn't know what all Loren had ordered.  I wanted to be sure there were not going to be things I needed to watch for to return or things that were not ours.  Close to $200 in audio book downloads in 5 days.  I guess they are somewhere on his new computer or one of those devises he had that I don't have a clue about.  I know he didn't get to listen to all of them.  Probably not even half but if it gave him pleasure then so be it.  Anyway, they canceled it since he died.  I had to apply and was almost denied.  I was livid.  Not because of any bad credit but because I could - would- not tell them my monthly income.  I said 13 years of history with them should suffice.  Loren has never ran a balance.  That is probably why I had trouble as they never made a dime off of us.  I would have told them where to go but I use it for anything I have an uneasiness about.  A debit card, the money is gone.  With a CC, it can be disputed.  And if I ever need to fly or rent a car, a CC is a must.
     His medicine came that I called and canceled.  I was not sure what was in the package and it did not say it was from the pharmacy so had to open it.  Guess if they want it back, they can send a pickup order. 
     I had to cancel my chiropractor appointment this morning.  I was on hold too long with the cable company.  I told them I was canceling when Loren died.  I cut the bill in half.  Kicker is, the "bundle".  If I cancel all the cable, my internet jumps so much I might as well have at least the basic TV.  I do plan on checking into other internet providers.  We don't have much choice here though.   Notifying everyone of an email change is always a real problem.  Anyway, I will probably work on getting everyone to use my yahoo email.  Then the transition will be easier.  I wish I could just sell the TV's but couldn't get enough for them.  They are 10 years old but NOT made in China.  Still going strong.  A 50" and a 60" and only about 9" deep so not flat but close.  I'll probably rent some 49 cent videos from time to time or do the netflix thing.  Not a clue how that works.
     Keep finding more and more stuff to tote down to the shop to sell.  Never ending.  I want simple.  I want empty shelves!  Speaking of which, I have at least 6 and possibly 8 towels missing.  Crazy as it seems, I am sure the gal from Home Health Care that was with Loren when I was at my appointment stole them.  I had a foster girl once who stole zippers from me so I know some people just have strange obsessions.  I finally reported it today.  I wanted to make absolutely sure they were no where in the house.  She was the only person in the house when I was absent.  Also she is the only person who had been here since I put the clean ones on the shelf 3 days earlier.  They were all there then.  They were 20 years old but made in the USA so were still almost like new, thick and fluffy.  
    Myah went after Sissy this morning.  I was just ready to walk out the door so good thing it happened when it did.  Sis was bleeding but with all that thick hair, it could not have been deep.  I put her in 'time out' while I was gone, which was several hours.  We had a discussion when I put her out and another one when I let her back in.  She knew she really messed up so has really been cautious this evening.
     The sun is down, the choir has begun.  I just hope it's not a skunk.
3/31/13: 2 a.m. Not a good moment. Beethoven and Harley got out. I'm not sure where yet since it's dark. They BOTH had a run in with a SKUNK. The skunk won. They are in the shop stinking it up because I have no idea where the escape hole is in their yard. Of course they were so glad to see me, they had to rub up against me. My work room stinks already. They both rolled around on the rug trying to get the smell off. Beethoven got a direct hit. He was literally as wet as if the rain were still coming down. It quit several hours ago. I have no where to give them a bath because the part of the shop that has the water and drain is surrounded by estate sale stuff. It would take me hours to pack it up and make room. Plus I doubt I could bathe either one of them by myself. I just got out of the tub. Did you know hot water and soap on human skin bring out the fragrance even more!!! I will not be going to Easter lunch at Betty's as planned. I'm not sure rather to laugh or cry. Any other time I would be laughing. I'm afraid this is not one of them.
3/30/13:  Tried to get eye glasses prescription this morning.  Didn't happen.  Only place open was Wal-mart and the insurance does not honor Wal-mart.  Loren paid the extra insurance so I could get glasses but that ends the month of his death so unless I find someone willing to open on Easter Sunday, I am out of luck.  That benefit ceases to exist.  The dental part leaves on Dec 31 and the whole medical insurance leaves March 26, 2014.  I printed up about 20 pages of forms to fill out for the VA for various free stuff.  A flag, reimbursement of burial expenses, a marker (medallion, plaque or stone) and survivors benefits.  I could do the forms online but so much information.  I'll do it by hand and then transfer it to the online form.  Will need to deal with social security too.  One thing at a time.  Lets see... VA, SS, Health ins., Life insurance, Family Trust, and BILLS.  Oh, returning wheel chair, finding a legal home for his meds, oil changes for the vehicles...long overdue, finding a home for all the food that is still good that I got for him that I don't like, sorting out the checking accounts, intermittent conversations with the attorney, staving off a nervous breakdown...   Other then that, I have all the time left over..
3/29/13:  I have headed for Lorens room to tell him something so many times today.  Nothing seems real.  My brain is totally out of whack.  I had to go to town this evening.  I had the car keys in my pocket but was taking the SUV.  Got those keys and went to town.  When I came out of the store, I could not figure out why the key pad would not unlock the door.  I'm standing there pushing the button over and over again.  Then I thought, "Oh, I need to push the trunk button, not the unlock button".  No, my SUV does not have a trunk.  Finally after a good several minutes, my brain returned.  Got the thing opened, loaded and then got in the drivers seat.  Kept trying to get the key in the ignition but it would just not go.  Yes, I am a basket case.  Yes, I am losing my mind.  My heart has been torn out and my brain just can't grasp it.  I do not want this to be true.  I want to wake up from this horrible nightmare and have Loren back, healthy and happy.  ... I just started to get up to quiet the dog ... so they would not disturb Loren... Here I am writing about it and my brain just leaves and I'm not in reality. 
3/28/13:  I am lost in a fog of surreal.  I can't grasp that Loren is not going to just be here again.  Ever again.  I've kept myself busy.  On the outside I am confident and managing.  On the inside I am broken into pieces.  Zelda is grieving most among the dogs.  She would not go in and say her good byes.  Goofy did.  Fez washed Lorens face after realizing the lump on the floor was his favorite person.  Sissy just sniffed and was content.  I set petting his lifeless body as I would have one of the dogs.  I did not know what else to do while I waited for all the people to arrive.  I cleaned until 3 a.m.  I had to make myself exhausted or I never would have slept at all. 
    Went to the mortuary this morning.  The total sure rose from what I was told several months ago.  I argued.  I won.  At least the first round.  First time on the phone was $1095 + $10 per death certificate.  He failed to mention the cost of "rules".  I was presented with a $2449. cost.  They will not handle nor put ashes in nor place your own container (urn) in their vault which Loren had pre paid.  Minimum box cost $145 for a wal-mart looking wood box.  He tried to shame me into a $695 one.  I said no one is going to see it.  Loren isn't really in it anyway.  And Loren would much rather I use that money for the welfare of dogs.  He tried to convince me on a casket.  Geeze, lets just have a bond fire and use money as fuel.  A cardboard box for cremation is $95.  I was more then willing to get a refrigerator box from Home Depot and cut it to fit.  Another 'rule' again.  But that is where it ended.  I was about to load him up and take him elsewhere.  Final amount for the moment, $1447.  Another battle will come later.  To put Lorens box in the vault is $160 "after all we have to have employees go out there and open it up".  Geeze, I know Sunday is Easter, but they are not Angels and I'm not having them move the giant stone.  And if I want to be present, it's $280.  Don't ask.  Beats the hell out of me too.  So anyway, Lorens ashes will be with Joyce's as he wished, but if they don't put his in the vault for $50, I'll be removing hers, (I'm sure that will be a battle) bring them home and letting them rest in peace on my mantle together with Lorens.  Charlie can be put in a Wal-mart or Dollar Store vase and he can be there with them.  It may sound insensitive to some of you, but to prey on the grieving like they did Loren when Joyce died... well, it is just not happening again.  They got Loren for $6800 when Joyce died and that did not include the vault places.  Can't remember what they got Nancy for, but she was sharp enough to argue too. 
    I called the gun guy to come over and unload the guns Loren had in the house.  I didn't want to accidentally set one off and shoot a hole through the wall.  I will keep Loren's dads service revolver but told Bob to sell the other 2.  They should bring another $1500 or more between the 2 of them. 
    Too many phone calls today.  It is nice to know how many people care enough to call.  I'm going to bed.... I just realized I may have erased Lorens voice from the voice mail when I changed the message.  I'll go cry for an hour over that. 
3/22/13:  Snow is a mess.  I got most of the outside stuff moved in.  Still did not get everything out to sell.  I'm sure it will be next weekend too since it will probably be a small turn out because of mud!  It's 10 p.m.  Dogs would not be quiet so Loren called me to come up.  Little things like this that make life hard.  Interruptions.  Computer is doing strange things.  Upload before it shuts me down.
3/21/13:  Could not sleep night before last so scrubbed the floors.  Four hours.  By the time I was done, the sun was coming up.  I wish my shoulders would have joined in but I could not straighten up.  I have got to get a housekeeper for floors.  Just too much for my back.
     Today I spent about 4 hours putting prices on for the sale.   I drove Loren down to the shop and wheeled him around and he told me what things should be.  I still have finishing up to do.  Tomorrow is my last chance and I have more then 2 days worth of work left and only one and a chunk to do it in.  It is already 3:23 and I don't feel like I have accomplished much.  I will probably go to bed early, get up when it gets dark and the dogs start the nightly ritual.  Go to the shop and work until 4 when the dogs go to sleep and then I will too.  Until 6, anyway.
    Besides the sale stuff, I have about 40 pages to copy and get sent off to a lawyer about our family trust.  It is such a mess.  Found an expert in that area who will actually do everything via mail, email, fax and phone.   And reasonable.
     Lorens prescriptions are still a mess.  I was on the phone for 3 straight hours yesterday.  The gal with the insurance was very diligent, but I know she is wrong on a number of points.  What I am told just depends on who I talk to.  Same issues but different person, different answer.  Sort of Deja Vou with IRS, Medicare, Social Security, hospital, VA... 
     Next week should slow down... I keep thinking that and it does not happen...  Time to start the feeding process.  I've been up since 4, awake since midnight.  Catching up with me.
3/18/13:  I lost yesterday.  Last night there was a skunk again.  I thought the rain would keep everyone in and quiet but the skunk was too much for them to ignore.  Luckily no one got 'hit' but the yard sure smelled.  I got them in and closed off the gate.  Drove them crazy.  Drove me crazy too.  I finally crashed in bed with Loren where the barking is not quite as audible.  That was about 2 a.m.  I was out.  Didn't even hear him get up to take his pills at 6:15.  Think it was 7 when I finally woke up.
     Got a bunch of new pix of Foxxy.  They are on her page.  She leaves next Tuesday.  Her spay swelled so they drained it and she is on antibiotics.  She is too active.  Slinging confetti must be too strenuous for her.  I know picking it up sure takes it's toll on this old body.
     Got to figure out how to get Becky into the pack unless I can find a foster.  She is such a love.  She really will thrive with attention.  She is another one of those extra special ones.   She reminds me of Keeton so it will be hard to let her go.  She is just a baby compared to the rest of the gang and I know there will be a 'bad year' when several will cross the Rainbow Bridge close together.  But I can't be adding right now. 
     Got more VA paperwork off.  I hope this is it.  I called the DAV and the US senators office.  Everyone needs to hound the VA for me.  I am "losing it."   Just hysterical crying outbursts several times this morning.  I still need to deal with the "Trust" that is a mess.  I can't just hope it will not matter.  I don't read legal but it sure sounds like I will be tied to doing anything at all.  It's not like I'll spend money.  I just want to know that if I need to move near one of my kids, I will be able to sell the house and do it.  This is just all too much for me.
3/16/13:  More confetti.  Somehow I misses 2 more boxes of tags.  I have decided she needs to be a senility dog.  For those of us who lose important paper work, she would track it down.  Of course, the condition might be less then desirable when we got it, but at least it would not be lost and we would not spend hours trying to remember where we put it. 
    Loren has had a really bad day.  I don't know what I am suppose to do about it.  If I can just get through this coming week and get rid of a lot of stuff at my sale.  That will help my stress level.  BUT, there are still major legal matters that need addressed immediately.  Good ol' boy Arkansas lawyers leave a lot to be desired.  Things are in a mess.  I thought I was "safe" financially, but now I discover everything is a mess.  Better now then too late.
3/15/13:  I forgot to get Sahara's thyroid pills again.  Called it in.  Been giving her half of Sissys.  Dosage is close.  I've got to get them picked up today.  I still have about 100 pages of records to copy to get off to the VA.  I look at the stack and just want to scream.  The total is over 4 1/2 inches high.  Well over 1000 pages to send.  Maybe 1200.  Don't know what else to do.  Every page needs the "file" number on it.  Even if it takes 20 seconds to peel and stick a label tag on each...calculator time...  over 6 hours.  I barely have an hour that I'm not doing something else that HAS to get done.  Maybe I should buy one of those phone dead sets and I can peel and stick while I'm on "hold" so often with the insurance and pharmacy and doctor office and home health care and ...and... and... Time to make Lorens breakfast.  Clean his bathroom... a daily job....  copy more pages.. cry... answer the phone.... scream.... make calls and be on hold.... scream.... get Sahara's pills... cry... pick up Lorens prescription (for the third time as Dr. can't get it right).. scream... look for a cave to hide in... scream...feed dogs.... take an Aleve... cry... check email...
3/13/13:  I'm in meltdown again.  I kept rolling over and my lump touched the pillow or Hanna's head or paw.  It hurts.  My back hurts.  My emotions are out of control.  I just want to go hide somewhere.  Away from the world. 
    My list is long today.  Been up since 4.  Changed sheets and did 2 loads of laundry. Washed the dog dishes and have them filled ready to feed.   Tried for 2 days to balance the check books (Loren has too many).  Foxxy goes in to be spayed at 8. Loren will need breakfast as soon as I drop her off and get home.  Then off again. I have to pick up medical records from 2 places, a prescription from a third.  Take a different prescription in to be filled.  The nurse will be here to give Loren a bath at 10.  The house is a mess.  I have to clean some.  I really need to get the file number on over 1000 pages of documents.  It's either get labels and print and peel and stick or hand write it.  They really need sent off before the end of the week. 
     Not happy with the sale pricing.  Too confused to fix it.  One person the other day told me an item was $39.99 new.  I've looked online and cheapest I've found is $139.  Ones that look the same go up to $400.  With no brand name and model number showing, I'm at a loss.  Those items with identification are fairly easy.  This needs fixed today as a pre-sale for a select group starts tomorrow.   I may be in the shop all night. 
     Or maybe I will just have a nervous breakdown and go to bed and never get up. 
3/12/13: Too many dog in the kitchen.  I was trying to make my way into the bedroom.  Zelda was in the doorway.  I had 'helpers" pushing from behind.  I lost my balance while trying to step over Zelda and hit my head really hard on the corner of the upper cabinet.  It hurt so bad and swelled so quickly, I felt like my face was being stretched sideways and my nose was going to end up where my eye is and my chin where my cheek is.  I had visions of this monster face staring back at me in the mirror.  The lump ended up being about as big around as a golf ball.  Anyway, when I screamed in pain, the dogs all blamed each other.  None knew what happened but all figured it had to be the others fault.  Almost had a fight break out.  Everyone wants to protect mommy. 
     I'm taking tomorrow off from sale organizing.  I have so many Loren things to do.  Plus a nurse is coming to help with his shower.  House is a mess.  Dog bed covers have not been washed in several weeks.  I usually do that at least once a week.  Floors have not been mopped in 2 weeks.  Sweeping is as good as it has gotten and that has been neglected for 2 days.  With this many dogs, it looks like 2 months worth of hair. 
3/10/13: Debby's brothers are coming to help price things today.  I am so grateful and so relieved.  I know I can trust them to set the right prices on tools.  That has been my current big worry.  I got a brand new tool catalog in the mail yesterday but now I don't know where I put it.  Things are such a mess.  And this time change... I just realized.  My computer says 7:10.  Clock says 6:10.  Dogs don't realize their breakfast is 10 minutes late.
    I had curled up with Loren for awhile.  Sissy's barking woke me up.  It was a different bark.  I know her "let me in" bark and her "intruder go away" bark and her "I am doing Bears job" bark and her "I have nothing better to do" bark.  This didn't fit the usual.  I got up to realize no one was in the house and it was raining.  Either she was cheering on the others as they did a rain dance up on the hill or she was telling them they could not come in.  When I yelled for them, they all came running to the house.  Goofy took a detour and went to the garage.  He likes it in there.  The others brought their wet bodies in, everyone with a grateful nudge as they came by.  I had to change my night shirt.  By then, Sweetness, Hanna and Sissy had already gotten on my bed.  Have you ever crawled in a wet bed with wet dogs?  I didn't have the heart to abandon them for the comfort of Lorens room.  So I squeezed in and had wet bodies in my face and up against me.
    I have decided there is an advantage to having a round body.  Not one of those Bikini shapes that men think are so great.  When you are laying on your side squashed between 2 dogs, a round body allows you to turn over.  A flat body has left only 'side' room and you can't move.  There is a disadvantage to big boobs while laying on your side.  They are often mistaken as dog pillows. 
3/9/13:  Such a busy few days.  Baylor got adopted.  He was only here 6 days.  He has settled in quickly with "Guru" their Great Dane.  Susan said Guru is so happy to have a friend.  Brought new life into him.  Duke is doing ok also.  Not heard much about his transition with the small dogs in the house. 
    Oh, crap...I just realized I forget to get Sahara's thyroid medication.  I can cut one of Sissy's in half for tomorrow.  Darn it.
    A neighbor came by today trying to track down where the 2 old yellow labs from AC are.  She knows the owner but cannot remember which house in the area.  She thought I might know.  Hopefully they can get back to the owner.  Lady said he is really old and probably didn't know how to go about finding them.  Just looked up a FB page on them. I do not like the person with the page.  The dogs have not been at a home being cared for.
    The past 3 days I have been in the shop organizing for a sale.  This is going to be huge.  Tools mostly but a lot of odds and ends too.  So much stuff that I don't know what it is.  I've got several containers full of "unknowns".  I've been taking them up for Loren to tell me what they are.  I will just be so glad to get it all done.   So many duplicates of things.  Five cut off saws, 2 are identical.  Air tools, battery tools, plug in tools.  And sockets.  There must be 15 sets.  Maybe not complete, but at least 5 probably are.  I've come across over a dozen Alan Wrench sets.  A thousand alligator clamps.  I can sure understand why auctions and estate sale people charge so much.  This is a huge amount of work.
3/6/13:  Too many dogs on the bed.  Myah is wanting up there with me too.  Not a good idea as she has a tendency to push the boundaries.  The others have not fully accepted her either.  They are still working on trying to get her to understand her place in the pack.  This is not a democracy.  It is a dictatorship with one Top Dog... Carol.  Hanna was only on the bed part of the night.  When she came back this morning, she was having a tremor.  This is the first in quite awhile.  Several months ago I switched her to the Heartguard off the Ivermectin thinking that was the link.  This is only the second one since the switch so guess it is either the Ivermectin in the Heartguard even though a minuscule dose comparatively or a combination of causes.   Of course she got on the bed without warning, squashing me between her and Sissy.  Sissy struggles to move anymore.  Doubling her meds.  She is an old girl.  Anyway, getting woke up, first thing is bladder control.  I tried not to think about the desperate urge.  I didn't want to make either of them move, so I suffered.  Finally their was the bark and everyone jumped ship...  I usually encourage them to ignore it and stay.  Not happening this time.  I jumped ship too.
3/5/13:  I did a weeks work.  At least my body feels like it.  Baylor was up for a bath.  He was going to be the tester of my new tub.  He did.  Up the steps, into the tub and out over the side!  So much for that plan.  Since I had everything laid out, I was not giving up.  I let him stay on the floor and I did the bending over.  I spent a lot of time on him, trying to be sure I didn't miss any places.  I also received a surprise.  They said he was neutered.  Wrong.  Now I can't get him in until Monday which messes up him going to his new home this weekend.  Anyway, I only missed a few small spots.  He really looks nice.  working on getting the pix up. 
     Baylor was so funny when he saw himself in a mirror.  I had a small one on the floor in the office that I am in the process of renovating.   He didn't bark at his image.  He was confused why it didn't have a dog smell.  It was at an angle so he was sticking his nose behind it.  Probably looking for the butt. 
    While I was getting more soaked then Baylor, Douglas was cleaning their yard and putting down DE.  The ticks have really come out.  Hopefully this will get rid of them quickly. 
    After that we started pulling stuff off the shelves.  A lot of empty cases that I had to match up with tools.  A lot of things I had no clue even what they are or what they are associated with.  We accomplished a lot, but barely put a dent in the process.  I can see why auctioneers and these 'Estate Sale' organizers charge so much.  This is a lot of work.
3/4/13:  Wow, I'm behind.  Baylor came.  Duke got adopted.  Becky is in with Baylor and Foxxy.  Not overjoyed, but that's the best I can do.  Myah has settled into the house full time, full access.  It has been a constant challenge.  She went from fear, to fear aggression, to courageous, to bossy.  All in a matter of less then a week.  She is currently on the floor next to my feet.   I am constantly correcting her for growling if the others venture in.  She got banned to Bears side last night... all night.  She will 'get it' soon.  It is tough because I'm constantly correcting Zelda and Sahara for doing the same thing.  Chipi has picked up on it too.  So I have 4 vying for power.  Not going to happen.  I'm the top dog on 2 legs. 
     Yesterday I had Douglas over to help me sort and organize.  It is going to take me a month to get ready for a yard sale.  Luckily all but one gun is sold, all the welding stuff sold and all the radio stuff is sold.  Now I am starting on the tools.  I'll just lay everything out and keep one of each.  I don't need seven of every size wrench or 5 cutoff saws or 6 grinders.  There are about 10 work benches beyond my needs.  I am so overwhelmed with stuff.  It's good stuff.  Some I'm finding is brand new never out of the box.  I've asked my neighbor to come look stuff over and bring a note pad to write down brands and help me look up values.  I'd really like to sell the saws, grinders etc. on Tradingpost so I have more room to put smaller stuff out for a 'stuff' sale.  Douglas will be back tomorrow and we will organize the smaller stuff on some of the work benches we've pulled out.
    I bought a doggie bath yesterday.  I wish it had a door, but I may be able to improvise.  It was obviously a very expensive on at one time.  The steps look brand new.  It has a leak but being it's in the shop, it doesn't matter.  There is a floor drain a few feet over.  I still have to figure out how to do a tie thing so they don't jump out.  I need to go online as I never paid that much attention at the groomers.  Wish Amber had not moved away.  We could really do some dog washing now.  Hope to make Baylor my first victim.  He is really a stinky mess.   Not going to attempt Becky.  Not at 114 pounds and a coat so thick you can't even get to her skin.  A lot more combing before a bath.  Besides her tail needs to heal.  Fleas so bad she chewed it raw and had to be shaved like a pompom.
     I've just got so much to do.  Myah needs spayed.  Baylor needs in for HW check & probably rabies.  We don't have records.  The ticks are arriving so I need to mix up the spray for them all.  I'll have Douglas spread DE in the big yard tomorrow morning while we take the 3 for a walk.  I got a tick off me this evening after feeding them.  Just crawling.  Not attached.  Loren had a dr. apt today and another one Wednesday.  I am still working on the last VA request for "more information".  I'm still not dialed in on his prescriptions.  First they said he could have 3 refills and now they say since it is a controlled substance, we have to mail in the prescription every month and the timing has to be just right or he will run out.  The USPS is certainly not the most dependable.  Took 9 days for his last one to get here from San Antonio.  I had to pay full price for 3 days worth because the insurance wouldn't pay because it 'had been shipped'.   I'm afraid this is going to be an every month occurrence. 
   And then there is dealing with the checking account.  Taking it over has not been easy.  Loren did online banking.  I never even used a debit card.  He puts everything on a debit and forgets to tell me.  I am writing checks to pay bills thinking there is plenty of money.  He is going online buying e-books and other things using the debit card.  I don't care.  He just needs to tell me!  And the house may never get cleaned unless I hire someone.  But no one ever does it to my satisfaction.  Why would you mop with dirty water?  Once you have made the first swipe, you are putting that dirt from the floor into the same bucket that you will be using to put more water on the floor.  In essence, you are mopping with mud after the first swipe.  I know, I'm overboard, but I scrub and use 2 buckets plus the sink for rinsing each time.  Grandma always said "If you are going to take the time to do something, do it right".  Guess I take it to the extreme but it's the way I am.  All or nothing.  Half ass just does not work for me. 
2/25/13:  Another very stressful day.  Loren's medication didn't come.... again.  It should have been here Friday.  If it is not here tomorrow, back to the doctor and back getting a 2 days prescription that the insurance won't cover since it is 'in transit'.  Another letter from the VA which I don't understand.  They want more information only I don't know what we have not sent.  they must have a thousand pages of documentation by now.  Every medical record from the past 4 years when he had his heart attack.  Every military record of his 4 years of service , 2 years in Nam getting nuked with agent Orange.  I am so worn out.
     I have good prospects for Becky and Duke's adoption.  Just need to get them here for vetting.  Candy got Wanda to her new home Sunday.  Myah is doing great.  More positive progress.  She is in Bears room right now with Chipi.  Hanna and Sahara still want to cause a problem but I think in a few days all will be good and she can become part of the house pack until she gets a forever home.  Foxxy is driving me nuts.  She just has so much energy!  She is adorable and very well behaved, but it hurts Loren when she jumps on him.  She is just being a puppy and needs the others around here, but keeping everything going smoothly is just so hard with a puppy in the mix. 
    Time to feed.  Waiting all day for call backs which I figured would not be returned.  Loren has to monitor the phone while I feed and put Foxxy back down for the night.  Suppose to storm tonight.  I hope not.  I'm just not up to a puppy in all night.   She will be fine with her heat on and her blankets back in her room... if she will just leave them there and not drag them out where they will get rained on.
2/24/13:  I should never go on Craigs list.  I was looking for a used grooming tub.  New ones are outrageous and these guys need baths.  My back can't handle the floor thing and I just don't have anyone I trust to be good to my dogs.  Seen too many be rough and impatient.  Anyway, there are so many Pyrs on there people are just giving away to anyone free or cheap.  The chances of them getting in good homes where they will be understood and appreciated is so slim when people don't care, just want them gone.  If I were not in my current situation, I'd be loading up with every one. 
     I did get some great news from my daughter.  My granddaughter is planning to buy land and open a dog boarding and training facility.  A few years back she "bought" a dog from a pet store.  Guess I never really got around to telling her about puppy mills.  We are over 2000 miles apart.  Anyway, when she did, I sent her all kinds of information.  They adopted the next one from a shelter.  So I am delighted she is looking in that direction for a secondary career.  She also said when I die, she will take my Pyrs.  That is cool.  Hopefully I will outlive these but know I will never be without at least 2. 
     I made some more headway with Myah after a big setback this morning.  When I left the shop from feeding, she went into the yard to watch me go.  I had her metal bowl in my hand.  She freaked.  The only thing I can think of is the sun hit it and shone in her eyes.  She literally went crazy trying to hide.  I put the bowl down and went in to calm her.  It took over 20 minutes for her to stop shaking.  Later I took her for a long walk.  then I put her with Foxxy for an hour.  Then I closed off the back side of the yard and brought her and Foxxy up.  This is her second time in this yard.  She explored and greeted all the dogs through the fence.  Yesterday when I did it, some were fine but Zelda, Hanna and Sahara had to make a fuss.  Myah did not curl her lip.  She was calm.  Today they were all fine.  I did have to "clear my throat" and point my finger a few times but everyone stayed quite civil.  I think we may be ready for a one or 2 dog introduction tomorrow.  Not sure who to try.  She really wanted to go over with them and play.  I could see it in her expression.  I think she is going to be fine if my guys behave and I handle this exactly right. 
    "Jack" will be coming this week.  His owner died.  A Komondor/ Pyr that is a matted mess.  I'm looking forward to getting him beautiful.  hope he's neutered and HW neg.  I've been really lucky lately.  Hope the luck holds.  Anyway, we sold off a lot of 'stuff' so I can get some help.
2/21/13:  Two good nights sleep in a row!  Full of energy but the weather makes it hard to get things done.  It's icing.  Raining ice crystals, sticking to the steps and ground and slick!!!  Getting pretty thick.  Good thing I went to the grocery store yesterday.
      I was going to keep Foxxy up here all night and then thought better of it.  She has discovered Fez's toys are delightful to chew up.  Also she is deciding it is easier to pee inside then bother to go out.  But she is a smart girl.  When I went down to feed her this morning her blanket was missing out of the building. It is a queen size and very fluffy. I looked all over before finding it. This little 16 pound pup drug this huge blanket through the doggie door, down 2 steps, 15' around the building, and then up on the 8" high covered platform. Every inch of it was on the platform and it was arranged in a nice comfy circle. The other puppies had liked that spot too because they could see the house from there but still be sheltered from the weather. I know it was her because she is the only one down there.  BTW, I added a lot of pix to her page
2/19/13:  Checked on Petunia today.  Her adopter is going to London for 3 weeks so Petunia will be staying close by.  I plan to see if she can come visit for a little while.  I know it would perk Loren up to see her.  Anyway, she has obviously stolen her families heart.
     Tessa got spayed today in LR.  She was HW-.  Had Myah HW tested today too and she was neg.  What a relief.  I spent a lot of time trying to track down their vet records along with those of the goats and came up empty.  Myah was terrified of traffic.  We struggled to get into the car to go to the vet but it was impossible leaving there.  A big truck went by and she totally freaked.  I had to get Kelly in the office to help load her.  She was shaking so bad.  Poor thing.  Guess I will just have to do the bath thing here.  She got skunked a few days ago.  Not a direct hit, but still a bit stinky.  anyway, it has got to be done and I don't want to spend a fortune and put her through a terrifying ordeal as well.  She just needs to be in a nice calm rural setting with no other dogs.  I think she was attacked by some dogs recently as she has wounds that are beginning to heal and she is so nervous meeting other dogs.  Even little ones.  She is fine with Foxxy, but that's a puppy.  Trying to bring her into this pack just freaked her out. 
    Candy came this past Saturday night and stayed until Monday.  Sunday we went to Mountain View and met the wife of the blind man and saw the house.  Deb was not exaggerating.   I would not know where to begin... and this was after many hours of cleaning!   The house would really be cute if whom ever designed it had some sense of design.  It is a dome house but the walls were not planned for living space.  Emphasis was strictly on support.  Made a really chopped up mess.  Who wants rooms that are pie shaped?  Corners that are as tight as 20 to 30 degree angles.  Useless space.  But anyway, boxes of clutter, cob webs a kin to some haunted house, and mice scampering everywhere I turned.  Made my skin crawl.  At least the cock roaches did not show themselves.... or maybe I couldn't see them because I didn't have my glasses on. 
     After that we went out to the rescue.  Fences are almost all done.  Deb has done it almost entirely by herself.  It will be good once done.  It was a nice day.
     It was great having Candy here for 2 nights.  Dogs thought so too.  Sissy and Sweetness made no hesitation to climb up on the bed and squash her between them just like they do me.  Hanna spent a good part of the night up there too.  I didn't get much sleep because it was the normal "door monitor" activities for me even though I was on the other side of the house.  Last night was no better.  I will crash in a few days and get caught up... I hope.
     Lacy is visiting for a week.  I wish they were all just half as easy as she is.  The perfect dog.  Zelda has been a bit more growly then usual with her but then she has continued to get grumpier with everyone as the days and weeks go by.   
     Foxxy is spending her days at the house and nights in the lower yard.  I'm afraid she would get bored in the middle of the night and pester the old guys.   She has not chewed on anything and no pottying inside except for excitement tinkles.  She is an awfully good and smart puppy. 
2/15/13:  Seems I have no time to even sleep.  It's 8 a.m. and I've been up since 2:05 Googling prices for Lorens tools.  I have to decide what I need to keep, get pix and get the rest listed to sell.  I want the expensive stuff gone before a yard sale.  People do not come to a yard sale for $2000 welders.  My plan is to have a sale after the gun show March 2.  I'll plan for the 9th.  Hopefully all the gun stuff will be out and sold.  Less to worry about. 
    Myah is such a love.  She was the "goat dog" where Tessa and the puppies came from.  Only she is really enjoying 'retirement', sleeping in the shop, and lots of belly rubs.  The puppy, Foxxy, is Tessas' 9th.  We didn't know there was 9.  Anyway, she is alone in the yard.  Feel bad but really don't want the shop chewed up.  Myah is ok with her, but enjoys peace and quiet more.   Myah decided being on leash is great as long as the direction is "to the shop".  Puppy has the hang of the doggie door but Myah is uncertain of hers.  I tied it up out of the way.  I'll let it down in a few days when she is more comfortable.  I hope to get her in the house with the others.  I am sure she will be very receptive of new friends.  Just not so sure Zelda and Sahara will be.
     Lorens birthday was Tuesday.  We did go out to eat but he didn't feel good.  On Wednesday I spent over 4 hours on the phone about his pain patch.  Still unresolved.  Yesterday we did get the half strength locally and just doubled up.  He felt pretty good but it never lasts too long. 
     So much to do that I am just overwhelmed where to start.  Candy is coming tomorrow and she doesn't know it yet, but she's volunteering to help me give Myah a bath.
2/9/13:  It's 4 p.m. and the dogs (and Loren) are all asleep.  No one is asking for dinner so have a few minutes.  Ilse and Heather came and picked up Bruno.  I started to fill his food dish.  I'll miss him.  I went down and sewed for half an hour fixing a door curtain for Loren.  It was lonely without his nose there checking things out.
   We went to town after they left.  Had some groceries and odd and ends to buy.  When we got home Hanna was way up on the hill again.   She did make a little better progress on her own then she did the middle of last night.  I may have to separate the dogs and close her off into the small yard off the kitchen tonight.  She just hates going potty close to the house, but I just hate climbing that hill in freezing weather to bring her down. 
    It is eerily quiet.  Even Lorens computer is not protesting as it usually does.  The only sound is of my fingers on the keys.  Oops... I just heard a big thunder boom... That explains the quiet..  Guess it's time to close gates and keep them all close to the house.      
2/8/13:  I have no blog time.  I have no 'me' time.  I have very little sleep time.  With the help of Holly who came and got Tessa and the puppies, I have managed to get the Zytiga for $10 a month.  Another med was going to be $600+ a month, but am getting it for $16 for 3 months.  I have still been dealing with the VA.  Thanks to several adopters and other dog friends, I have gotten a lot of useful information on the VA process.  Having a lawyer to "help" was a disaster.  I have closed that door.. At least I hope it stays closed.  I'm pretty upset as he could have totally screwed up any chance.   An "immediate response required" letter was ignored for over a week.  Luckily I stay on top of things.  I never have been able to delegate jobs or responsibility.  No one cares as much about my "things" as I do. 
     Today is really going to be crazy.  I was up all night with Hanna.  I'm thinking "I'm losing another one". Her right rear hip is bad so she does not put weight on it. We can't do hip replacement because she has other health issues. This was her right front shoulder. You've heard the term "2 left feet", well it does not work for a dog. I slept where ever she did last night. That meant alternating between laying on a blanket on the floor or lifting this 74 pound girl onto my bed. She'd want up then an hour later want down. I knew there was no way I could carry her to the car to emergency. Loaded her up with Tramidol and just layed a pillow against her chest to elevate the leg. She seemed to feel better that way. Loren was feeling good enough to help this morning so I got her into the vet. I caught Wendy as we got to the vet and asked her to please take care of Hanna personal.  I really like her.  I also learned that Prednisone upsets the stomach and giving Tagamint will help.   I'm going to bring that up with Lorens doctor.  Makes sense that if it is upsetting for a dog, it is for a human too.  I have said for years, human doctors are the ones who could not make it as a vet.  Vets are so much more thorough, passionate and informative.  Doctors are just.... doctors.  Speaking of which, time to leave for Lorens appointment. 
     Hanna update:  She pulled something in her arm pit last night.  Luckily no dislocation or break or anything that won't be ok in time.  She was happy to come home but it was really rough getting her out of the car.  She had her mind set where she wanted to go once 2 feet were on hte ground.  It took me awhile to get her message.  She wanted to go lay in the garage.  I got her there and she looked at the mattress Goofy was on.  Like a gentleman, he got up and went over to the other mattress and gave his to her.  She climbed up and laid down and was content.  Goofy is so special!  It will be a lot of assisting her for the next few days. I am going to treat myself to a professional back massage as soon as I figure out where that 'me' hour is going to come from.
     We had a list of questions for Loren's doctor.  Made her do some research.  Good thing we are on top of stuff.  Without the questions, things could go bad.  He took it upon himself to quit some of his other meds.  Reading the info on Zytiga, it just made sense to stop them.  He was right, but one will be started again.  The other 3 will not.  This drug has only been FDA approved for less then a year so caution is imperative.
    Three o'clock and everyone is asleep but me.  I know if I do lay down, they may miss dinner.. I probably could crash so hard that even their singing for their supper would not wake me up to feed them.   Besides, I still have an insurance form to fill out, some bills to write checks for (I'm not confident with 'on-line' banking skills) and a load of laundry to finish.  I'm not even looking at my floors that have not been mopped in a month or the dust on the counters that accumulated over night. 
1/30/13:  Another kick in my gut.  Thanks to Obamacare our prescription deductible went from Zero to $10,000.  Yes, that is correct!  $2500 on regular prescriptions and $7500 on 'special' like cancer drugs.  Our medical deductible also at least doubled and may be more.  I am not ready to ask.  I just know the notifications of the bills that will be coming are massive.  Loren said 15 years ago he wanted to die broke.  He may get his wish... but I am not real fond of living broke for maybe the next 20 years.  Waiting for the lunch hour to pass so I can make some calls.  If the VA / American government would do right by the soldiers, the defenders they sent to war and then poured chemicals on them, we would not be facing cancer or poverty.  I'm angry.  I'm angry for Loren and myself.  I am angry for Chipi's "daddy" who lived in a barn, dirt floor and no insulation or plumbing because he served in Viet Nam and died of Agent Orange effects.  I am angry for the hundreds of thousands of homeless vets and disabled vets and those millions of family members who are effected by their situation.  My favorite saying "The surest way for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing". (Burke)  But we, the people have waited too long, been too greedy and been to apathetic.. 
1/29/13:  A moment to sit while I wait for lunch (3:00 if we still call that lunch) to come out of the oven.  Friday (25th) Loren ended up getting a blood transfusion at the hospital.  I finished looking for wheelchairs and getting groceries, etc.  It was late and dark by the time he got out.  I had already fed the dogs, knowing it would be dark if I waited.  He felt good Saturday and we went out to lunch.  Still felt good Sunday.  I went to Lowes as he needs a taller toilet.  Bought one only to get home and realize a elongated bowl will not fit.  The door would bump it.  So back it went.  Monday he checked out the wheel chairs to know what was comfortable.  I am just so stretched trying to get everything he will need.  Ended up buying a toilet seat thing only to find out today Nancy had offered to give me the one she had.  I totally forgot.  Don't think returning one that has been used would work. 
     Today I stopped by the elderly lady's house that got the rescue pup from Arkadelphia pulled out from under her.  I felt I needed to go console her.  It was not my fault, but some twit on Facebook.  Anyway, after visiting with her, picked up Bruno (aka Comfort) from AC.  What a sweety.  But he sure wants to be with his person.  I was afraid he would get out when I came to the house so I ran a hot wire.  I hated doing it but better then getting out and getting run over.  I snuck down a little while ago and he is in the shop laying right in front of the door sound asleep.  Beeper is going off.  Casserole is ready. 
1/25/13:  Too much stress.  Too much to get done and not enough time.  I am so unsure what to do.  Talked to a lawyer the other day about the VA stuff.  Not sure if it was the right move.  Is the VA going to say "they hired an attorney, lets put them at the bottom of the stack"?  Or will it be the other way around?  There is so much paperwork and I just got a 22 page letter from the VA on Wednesday that says we must respond before they can proceed.   I don't understand so much as the cover letter, let alone the other 21 pages.  That makes me figure we have to have a lawyer.  We only have 3 choices and this one was the one that looked the least dislikeable!  But geeze, when you look at lawyers on a scale of 1 to 10, being less dislikeable only rates him a 2.  I'm still fuming about his disregard for my PoA document.  He said I needed his.  Well, guess what, it is identical only mine is better because it is notarized with 2 witnesses.  So that was strike number one.  If today does not go better, we walk and try again.  I just do not need someone taking advantage. Especially someone I don't like! 
     Cody leaves Sunday.  Cathy is taking him to Springfield where he will meet the friend of the adopter to take him to Wichita, KS.  Then the other 7 leave on the 31st for LR and then on to Colorado a few days later.  Not sure about Tessa.  We will do what we think is best: stay here awhile, go to Holly's to be fostered and worked with, or straight on to Colorado with her puppies to a foster or adopter there who will work with her.  She is just so scared.  She is even shying away from me since I took her to the shop with me a few days ago.  We just don't have the years it took with Sahara.  If my guys would accept her, she could just stay.  But I know as for right now, I can't be running interference any more then I already am.  Plus I just don't have the free time she really needs.  Heartbreaking.
    If no one comes forward for the GSD at AC, he will be here Tuesday.  UGH!  He is so adoptable it would be crazy to see him put down.   I should just shut down the computer and screen all my calls for the next few months.  If I get anymore stressed, I will have to do that. 
1/23/13:  Non-stop for 2 days.  Lawyers office, phone with doctor and pharmacy and waiting for prescriptions, fixing meals, looking at wheel chairs, getting groceries from 3 stores because no one has everything, on the phone trying to get something Loren likes but now neither Wal-mart nor Harps is carrying it.  It was on the shelf 3 at both places days ago.  I just didn't know he would like it so only bought one.  It is just one of those days where the sun is shining, it is warm and I just want to burst into tears from stress.  A 20 page letter from the VA listing things they need to 'continue processing our claim.  Thanks goodness I didn't terminate the attorney like I considered in the middle of the night last night.  I am totally overwhelmed.  An emotional basket case.  It's only 4:30 p.m. (of course I've been up since 2 a.m. with a brief doze about 5 a.m. for a few minutes. )   I'm going to get my night shirt on, get a big bowl of ice cream and curl up with Loren and watch what ever is on the History or NatGeo channel.  If I take a bath, I will fall asleep in the tub.  Been doing that a lot lately.  Does not exactly agree with skin firmness.   
1/21/12:  It's a fricken holiday!  Someone did mention it a few days ago.  I have a list of things that need taken care of but that isn't going to happen since only the vet is open. 
1/20/13:  Another exhaustive 2 nights.  But then that is the norm.  Sahara gave me a scare.  She was so listless and was on a mattress which is not normal for her.  She usually just lays on a rug. I thought she had died.  When she opened her eyes it was such a relief.  I put a clean cover on another mattress and drug it over next to her.  Got my pillow.  Then went and got a blanket.  Decided to go potty before settling in next to her on the floor.  Bark, bark, and everyone was out the door, including her.  I had been deserted but I was happy about it.  Guess she was just tired.  After all, she guards me day and night.  As busy as I am, that is quite a chore for her.
    Made a trip to 2 grocery stores yesterday.  I'd already tried Wal-mart for the lemon drops Loren wanted several days earlier and they didn't have them.  I avoid Wal-mart when at all possible.  Had went to T&C first as I knew they had them as well as most everything else I needed.  Pay a little more but the meat is cut right from the carcass right there in the store.   You can ask for the cut you want and the amount and watch it being cut (or ground).  Anyway, T&C did not have the probiotic drink that Loren liked.  It is as good as Ensure but tastes good.  Wal-mart was out.  The space was there but empty.  I had the dairy guy look it up and it was not in the back, not in the warehouse and not on order.  That is SO TYPICAL of Wal-mart.  Guess I will call the company Monday, give my sob story and see if they will sell me a case direct.  I want Loren to have anything he likes.  Healthy is no really an issue, but when it helps his immune system, it is critical at this point in his cancer. 
    The weather has been nice, thank God.  Nippy but the freeze has went away.  I spent 2 hours yesterday cleaning up after the puppies.  They had not pooped in their room after the first night but continued to pee.  I pulled out the rug and put it under their carport.  They thought that was the greatest thing.  The ground is uneven so it was bouncy.  They ran across it and wrestled on it.  It was like they had discovered a trampoline.  Mopped up the house floor real good, with plenty of help riding the mop (after previously trying to eat the broom).  Aside from little paw prints on the dried floor, it looks good.  Put a new blanket in and they had to check it out.  This morning there was not a single pee spot!!!   If there is none tonight, I am confident they got the idea and are well on their way to being fully house broke.  On the 31, they will be going to a foster who will keep then 2 weeks then put them on transport to the rescue in Colorado that did such a wonderful job placing Ash and Ashina.
     If the weather stays decent, Betty and Nancy will come walk the dogs next week.  Goofy is really depressed not getting a walk for weeks.  Too cold and then Loren just got too bad for me to be out of reach.  No dependable cell service around here so I don't dare be gone with no way for him to reach me.  Hard enough to get out to the grocery store and feed store for dog food. 
     10:30 a.m.  Lorens asleep so think I'll go down and take some new pix of the puppies.  They are really growing.
1/18/13:  At least for a few more minutes until the clock strikes midnight.  Went to be early, slept hard until Loren needed my help.  Now am wide awake.  The dogs are so quiet too!  Anyway, amazing what a melatonin pill will do.  I should have been taking one a night for years and I might not feel so old and worn out now. 
    It has been such a hectic 2 weeks.  Trying to get Lorens gun collection sold.  So lucky I found an honest gun expert to help.  Next week it is dealing with the antique radio stuff and the HO train.  The radio stuff will probably go to a club in St, Louis.  The train will stay and be a legacy to Loren.  The train club will meet here and work on the train.  When it is finished, we will invite the public to come see it.  It is amazing.  Even the train club people think so.  I'm going to set up a lease agreement for the room ($1 a year) so even if I eventually move (or die here) they will have either the continuation of the use of the room or be compensated for all the man hours they will be putting in.   As for the radios, I am just asking a donation to Ozark Dogs.  I have not a clue of value and most never got completed.  Literally dozens of pieces of testing equipment and hundreds of tubes.  Only about 7 to 10 cases and bases.  I just keep finding more and more stuff I had no idea we had.  Sadly, the cameras will have very little value as film is non-existent.  I loved real cameras where what you took was real.  If there was a power line in the photo, it stayed.  No Photoshop to make it go away.  Nothing is real with digital.  Pictures prove nothing anymore.  You don't have to have any talent behind the camera if you have Photoshop.  I could take a self portrait and in just a few digital brush strokes make myself look 30 pounds thinner and 30 years younger.  But I'm glad I'm old (just wish I didn't ache all over) and I am ok with my weight and in my skin.  I don't even care that I might not live long enough to go bald like Grandma and mom, or live long enough to do it. 
    Loren has been eating really good the past 4 days.  I am so delighted.  He is down to 140 pounds.  Wasting away so eating a half cup of this and half cup of that all day long is great.  I just wish I knew if the loss of appetite was due to chemo or this new surge was due to it.  I hate the chemo as new studies just posted by John Hopkins show it kills cells indiscriminately so if you have more bad cells then good, percentage wise it is going to kill more good cells then bad.  It does not have a brain.   Nutrition is the best protocol.  But Good old Uncle Sam caused this so no matter what life style he lived, this was there just waiting to wage war. 
    It's tomorrow... or a new today.. Going to get a glass of chocolate milk and then go curl up with whom ever left me space. 
1/16/13:  I am so upset. Talked to a woman 2 days ago.  Needed to rehome her GSD she had for over a year.  All how sweet she was, how worried about her she was, blah blah blah.  I had a great potential adopter ready to drive over and meet the dog.  Found out she put it down today!!!  All of a sudden it was aggressive!  Anyway, I am major upset. 
    There is some local woman with a very strong accent that calls me and several other rescues on a regular basis about adopting dogs she sees on the bulletin boards in town.  This has been going on for over 6 months.  I was going to let her come out today just out of curiosity.  No way would I let her have a dog.  Anyway, Loren felt a little better today so I enticed him to go out to lunch.  Tried to call the lady back but no answer.  Don't know if she showed up or not.  I left a note on the door.  Oh well.   Anyway, the outing was too much for Loren.  I just don't know how much to push, but he does need some pushing or he just stays in bed all day getting weaker and weaker.  At least he did eat a reasonable amount. 
      Last night I was held captive for several hours.  The dogs were really good while I was in with Loren until about 2:30.  Sahara got annoyed and was insistent I get in my own bed.  Everyone followed except Goofy.  I had Sissy, Sweetness and Hanna on the bed.  Zelda and Sahara on the floor at the foot, Chipi on the side and Fez sprawled out in the doorway.  Goofy went to barking after I had dozed back off.  I got up to escort him in and he was so silly.  Ran in circles and then took off.  He ended up staying in the garage.  There are 2 mattresses and heat in there.  He likes the privacy.  Wiggling back under the covers was harder then wiggling out because Sissy and Hanna both spread out in my absence.
     Puppies are fed but need to feed these guys before it gets dark.  Snow has almost melted.  Heart is broken.  Just a sad day.
1/14/13: Puppies are doing great.  They are walking away when they get full tummies.  I leave extra at night so they don't mob me quite as bad in the mornings.  They sure enjoy the heater and their blanket in the dog house.  So much so they don't leave when they have to go potty.  I'll toss the rug when they leave but for now it might as well stay n the floor.  Floor is tile underneath so a good mopping will rid the room of smell.   At least only a little is poop.  Mostly just pee.  Speaking of poop,  I do not know how such little bodies can produce so much waste.  I am having to poop scoop both morning and night.  Five scoopers full this morning and three tonight.  That is as much as 3 to 4 big dogs.
     Me, not so great.  Was trying to get Goofy in a few nights ago and slipped on the ice on the deck.  Thought for sure my big toe was broke but it finally moves so guess not. 
     I have thought of myself as Saharas' goat for the last 5 years but I have now expanded my worth.  I am now the filling between a graham cracker and a vanilla wafer that is held in place by a sweet chocolate with feet.  I have been trying to beat someone onto the bed but I'm usually not fast enough to get in and make a "tent" with my legs.  If I can get in before Hanna or before Sissy,  I raise my legs so when the other comes crunching against me, I can still move... well, still breath, anyway.  Then Sweetness closes up the escape route at my feet.  If I don't get my 'tent' made in time, I am mummy wrapped and cannot move.  At least I never get cold.
    Loren had a pretty good day today.  He didn't get up but he ate 2/3 of a cup of Malt-O-Meal with half a banana and 4 small strawberries.  He followed that up with a 1/3 cup of chocolate ice cream.  That is the most he has consumed in one day in over a week.  I threatened him with force feeding.  I told him tomorrow is cream of chicken soup with chunks of chicken. 
1/7/13:  A nice man from the gun club came to appraise Lorens guns.  Four hours!   Loren lasted about an hour and then had to go back to the house and to bed.  I had done some Googling and was pretty close overall.  He will take the list to the meeting tonight and hopefully there will be some interest in some.  Next time the guy comes over, he will go over all the 'extras' like reloading stuff and casings, cowboy clothes and what ever.  It was all really hard on Loren.
    I really want to get down to the shop and just do 'my thing' for awhile.  Maybe tomorrow if he feels a little better.  He has a phone by the bed so if he needs me, but I still don't like to be a 'hill' away. 
    I broke down and bought cheap Wal-mart shoes.  Figured at $10 a pair if they last a month it is still cheaper then $60 a pair that last 3 months.  The arch support was in the wrong place so after a few hours they were killing my feet.  I pulled the inner sole out and put in those $1 foam inserts.  They are working great today!   They've been on my feet for 10 hours and not a problem. 
    Dogs are all sacked out.  I need to eat something before it's their turn.  The day just slipped away.  Susan has been coming down to learn the feeding routine in case she is needed.  It will save me a lot of worry if things fall apart.  The dogs will know her and she will know the routine. 
Link to USDA Class B licensees (people who may sell to dogs to experiment/ testing labs)
1/5/13:  Hard to realize it is "13" not 12.  Loren had Chemo yesterday.  He had a small burst of energy afterwards.  He actually wanted to go get a taco.  I was so glad he ate and I think it stayed down.  The nurse did say it usually takes 48 hours to see the side effects so hopefully this morning he will be able to show me a few things like online banking.  He tried to show me a few things yesterday evening but my brain is a morning brain, not an afternoon brain.  Especially not an evening brain. 
     Loren has handled everything since we got married 13 years ago.  I always handled everything in my past life.  Technology has left me behind now.  So much I need to learn and catch up on: Programming the GPS, using a debit card, online banking, how to 'fix' computer glitches, how to teach the dogs to give back rubs.  The list is long. 
     It is 2:20 a.m. and Loren booted me out of bed about 9:30.  My snoring was keeping him awake.  After that I didn't get much rest.  Sweetness on my bed.  Then Sissy smashed up against me on one side and Hanna followed on the other.  My night shirt was trapped under both of them and I felt like I was in a straight jacket in a vise.  Hanna finally got down around midnight so I could loosen myself out from under Sissy.  Got up, took 2 aspirin for a splitting headache and pounced on Zelda.      
      When I can't sleep, I comb.  Zelda was long overdue because she has come to hate the process.  I had to leash her to keep her from running off.  Her pantaloons (back end) was so matted from undercoat.  I combed her back, sides and legs and just took the scissors to her behind.  Even once the mats are cut away down to about an inch from her skin, I can comb the area and it becomes 6" long again.  Unless you've had a Komondor/Pyr mix you just won't believe it without seeing it.   She put up with me for an hour.   I put the comb and scissors up first and threw away the hair before releasing her.  That way she knew I was finished and she would not go running outside in the cold.  Sahara growled and Zelda ignored her and went onto a mattress in my bedroom anyway.   When I went to return to bed, Hanna had taken my spot, so here I sit.  I could go back and curl up with Loren but Hanna is on my pillow.  I don't like the spare pillows on Lorens bed.  Too big.  I'll figure something out as need to get more then an hours sleep.
1/3/13:  A much better day.  Friends helping on Power of Attorney stuff, Home Health Care coming (wait until they see the dogs :-) !!!  )  Little Harry has adjusted with Lucas (aka Tokota) at Ilse's.   Loren ate some Malt-o-Meal and some banana this morning.  If I could just get him to eat a little lunch and dinner.  Fez does not seem to mind cleaning up any left over.  He watches every bite!
    Took Hanna in to the vet.  Heart x-ray was good and so were liver and kidney function so will start Immiticide for the stubborn heartworms in 2 weeks.  She's going to be close to a $10,000 dog by the time her hip is replaced.  Thank goodness I've only had a few really expensive ones through the years.  She will definitely be at the top, followed by Parker at $4500 and Brooks at $3500.  Then a whole bunch in the $2K category (not counting food).  And I thought I was actually going to get to buy some good shoes... Oh well, they would probably fall apart just like cheap ones. 
    Sahara has taken over total control of the door.  Even Zelda is afraid to come in.  There is not ever going to be a fight.  I'm sure of it.  But Sahara has set herself as night guardian and no one is going to get past her to me unless I get up and say so.  We are good until a deer runs through the yard in the middle of the night or someone has to go out to potty.  Then any chance of sleep is interrupted.   Sweetness rarely gets off the bed but when she does, she barks until I escort her back in.  Poor thing is intimidated by all of them.
    Goofy has been trying to bully Fez lately.  That is taking a lot of effort to avert.  Goofy just needs walked but it is just too cold for a human escort.  Walking miles around the property without me just does not meet with his satisfaction. 
     My vet is expanding into selling healthy dog products.  He will really research not only the food, but the plants it is produced in.  I am excited about that.  Even if it is expensive, knowing I'm getting what I am paying for and that is not going to cause health problems is worth it.  Now I just flounder like every one else.  Dog food industry is just like restaurants, you really don't know what all is going into your mouth.  We have choices.  Dogs don't.  We have to be careful for their sake as they can't protest for themselves, beyond letting us know they don't like it.   Since he will have a lot of space, I hope he will carry my collars and dog beds.
    Did I mention my new red flannel sheets?  Got them and put them on for Candy's visit.  Loren booted me out of his bed a few nights ago because I was rolling over too much and snoring too loudly.  The dogs were so glad to see me return to a bed where they could join me.  Hanna on one side.  Sissy on the other.  Sweetness at my feet.  Hanging over Hanna to pet Sahara (she won't get on the bed as she has to guard the door).   In the morning I thought I had inherited another dog.  Sissy left enough hair on the pillow that it looked like another dog.  When you can't see it, it is not as bothersome.  Off they came and into the wash.  Not so good an idea.  I should have wiped them down with a damp cloth first.  All the washer did was spread it around.  I'm sure I will be sleeping with a part of Sissy long after she has departed from this earth. 
1/2/13:  No ambition.  No energy.  Major headache.  Spent several hours on line and on the phone trying to 'get things done' to prepare for all the things necessary to care for Loren.  Just feel like I'm spinning my wheels, going no where.  I was trying to create a Power of Attorney form on line.  Many areas to fill in and questions to answer.  I get to the end and I get a "warning" that the site is not legit.  Talk about panic.  At least nothing I put down was not already publicly available. 
Happy New Year:   Ode To Dan