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Carol's Blog for 2019


The views and opinions expressed in this blog are the personal views of Carol and are not necessarily intended to reflect the views of the
Ozark Dogs Rescue Organization.

Be who you are and say what you feel...Because those that matter... don't mind...And those that mind... don't matter."

 
9/23:  I love a clean yard.  Care Ministries finished the last bit of weed eating that was missed last time got done.  The leaves that the pro leaf people can't get to are mostly raked up and tossed on the adjacent property.  It will look good for a day!  Wind will blow and a billion leaves will fall.  I suspect a billion is not an exaggeration since I have close to 200 oak, walnut and some I can't remember names on the 4 acres of property I actually use.  I ignore the other 500 trees on the 3 acres never cleared.  Hoping someday DR will come up with a way to attach their big commercial bagger to a Zero turn.  It would pay for itself in the first season.
    Dr. Robinsons dogs were here again today.   As they were yesterday and the day before.  Chris got to witness what I go through.  He saw that I do nothing to encourage them.  Glad I have an impartial witness.  I just wish he'd either not have dogs or keep them home....well, preferably not have dogs.  He has no understanding nor appreciation for what wonderful, loving, intelligent creatures they are.   It is sad as all they want is someone to be kind to them.  He needs a cat!  Better yet a gold fish. 
    About 10 days and my daughter will be here.  I am so looking forward to this visit.  I always love her to come, but this time I feel better.  Both physically and emotionally.  The CBD oil I have had Hanna and Parker on for about a month has made a big difference in their physical ability.  This relieves me of feeling I need to be present 24/7.  Can't really get away for an all day, but at least comfortable with 8 hours rather then one or 2 max.    I will still worry about Jayden being a poop head.  He and Parker, he and Emo and he and Cotton still posture and intimidate one another.  Mutually instigated.  As long as there is no storms, we should be ok for an outing. 
9/21:  Black lab went to someone the lady found to take it.  It was only here 2 nights.  During the stay I gave him a bath, spent close to $100 at the vet on him and he came into the house.  Not my plan.  He widened an opening in the fence that I had put a cinder block in front of that Pumpkin had torn the chain link.  Went into the next yard where he dug under into the next yard.  Navigated the wild bunch without incident (amazing) and ended up in the dogs room!  Worried for his safety, he got to come in until the lady picked him up later that day.  I hope he got a home where he is treated like family and not tied out, but I had to 'let it go'.  I have enough on my mental plate.
     Kathleen came down for 4 days.  I always hate when she leaves.  Love my dogs but can't really carry on a conversation with them.  At least I don't understand their input unless it's "pet me" or "take me for a walk". 
     Dr. Robinsons dogs have been back every day.  Tuesday the Pyr was so excited, he scraped my arm with his un-cut sharp claw and opened up a 5" long gash.  It bled a lot.  I called his office since I couldn't find his cell number.  Then I called the sheriff office.  As I was hanging up, a deputy and SOB show up at the door.  I had forgotten I had the cameras set so the whole thing is pretty much recorded.  I downloaded and saved the whole thing.  Glad I did.  I was not acting half as 'crazy' as I thought I was :-)  It shows his arrogance.  Sadly, he was out of visual and audio range when he asked the deputy to arrest me for 'stealing' his dogs!  If the volume is up, you can hear most of the deputies response.  I know the deputy had to remain neutral, but I think the arrogance came though loud and clear.  I just wish I had a better camera system.  This one really sucks.  It cut off and then back on so I have about 12 videos rather then just one. 
    I got an 'all clear' letter from my IRS advocate.  Said I will be receiving the official IRS letter in a week or so that "my documentation was accepted and there would be no further action".  What a relief.  I know I am right, but I was so afraid I was going to have to hire a tax person to re-file it.  I know the 2018 is the same screw up so I am making an appointment right at the first of the year to re-file that one amended. The IRA is all gone come 2019 so I won't have to worry about even filing 2020 until I sell the house and avoid capital gains.  (will be huge capital loss).  
     I just want simple... everything....simple.... Small house on 2 acres.  No neighbors.  My old dogs for company.  Monthly visits from Kathleen and 3 visits a year from my daughter.  Minimal computer. (just for communication with family and a few adopters).  Minimal sewing.  Minimal leaves!!!    Minimal cleaning and repairs.  No TV (which I don't watch anyway).   No robo-calls.  No aches and pains....OK, I'm getting a bit too wishful. 
9/15:  Took in a small black lab.  Just fostering.  It was hanging around a church for some time and the church people (whom ever they are) said it had to be gone because of a function they were having.  I posted on Facebook with pix of the dog and the story I was told.  Well, the personal attacks I got.  I tell it like it was told to me but apparently some of these church people took issue with me saying that church people wanted it gone.  I don't even know what church it was at.  Anyway, it was suppose to be a senior with mange.  It's not a senior by any stretch of the imagination.  The skin condition looks more like flea allergies.  Sweet dog, but then 99% of them are. 
   Fraz has been doing good.  No seizures.  I can finally relax a bit, but still separate if I am going to be gone to town. 
   Talked to Kathleen.  Lakota is having medical problems.  I feel so bad and am so worried.  He goes back to the vet for more blood work.  This time to be sent off.  His blood sugar was at 20 and it should be around 80 to 100.  Opposite of diabetes.  I'd be looking at the food.  I'm at the point of 'looking at the food' for every ailment any more, human or canine.  The government has sold out the American people to big business.  Everything is polluted, unfit for even dog consumption. Not a conspiracy theory.  Just don't have my head under a rock. 
  The lab is crying.  Guess I'll go down to the shop for a little while.  Once we've been to the vet and know his health is ok, flea allergy and not mange, I will see if he will 'fit' in the house. 
9/11:  How to catch up?  Guess I won't.  Two days ago Fraz started seizures again.  I've barely slept.  Jayden went after him.  Typical when a dog seizures.  But Jayden was easily diverted and devastated he made me mad at him.  Still a bit of watchfulness  when they cross paths, but as long as I am present during a seizure, there will not be a problem with him.  Since stress did not seem a trigger, I did some investigating.  I switched them back to NutriSource grain free food a few weeks ago.  Had weaned them over slowly.  Rosemary used as a preservative in grain free can be a seizure trigger.  So back onto Fromm.  Good thing I had bought plenty as well as the NS.  So now I have some dogs that won't eat Fromm and some I don't dare feed NS to.  And some that just don't matter.  It is getting complicated and even more so for lack of sleep for several nights... and days.  Anyway, I think between the Phenobarbital and getting him back on Fromm, he will be ok. 
    Each time he had a seizure, which was 11 in about 40 hours, he would pee on the floor and lay in it.  Plenty of mopping floors.  Last night I put him in the shower.  That was an experience but I had to get the urine off him.  And the slime from his drool.  That was a challenge, especially since I had not really planned ahead and had no Dawn nor even dog shampoo.  I used some of my shampoo but worried it would not be good for dogs.  We survived with only 2 escapes during the process.
    Neighbors dogs again.  Love the dogs.  Hate the neighbor.  Going to see if I can find a free lawyer and see if I can serve the neighbor with notice:  "If your dogs trespass on my property, they will be contained.  You will be charged $30.00 per day per dog boarding fee payable before their release".   Animal control can do it and shelters have done it, so only seems logical a rescue can do it.  Bet it will get his attention, especially being officially served by a process server.  With Frazes' seizures, I particularly don't need my dogs in a frenzy. 
9/3:   Splitting headache.  I don't normally get headaches so don't even have 'in-date' aspirin or Ibuprofen.  Ate some jello with whip cream so hope that will help.  Had beacon and French toast for breakfast so it really should not be a hunger headache. 
     Never got the carpet steam cleaned.  Just all the grass mowed.  I hope I have ambition later.  Floors look more like the outdoor ground then tile inside.  I just wish someone would make a floor scrubber that holds a gal. of water and has an off and on switch for sucking it up.  Mopping just kills my back and doesn't really get the floors clean.  They need scrubbed almost daily. 
     I bought a new Riccar vacuum.  I love it.  Sandra fixed my 20 year old one but it will need re-soldered when she gets here.  I'll use it in the shop.  I hate bagless ones.   Boy what a difference in both cleaning the rugs as well as cleaning the vacuum.  And it is self driven! 
     I'm having a dozen trees cut down in the front yard.  In the 17 years I've been here, they have just blocked out the sun and I have very little grass anymore.  It's just dirt and mossy looking stuff.  There are 81 trees just between the house driveway and the shop driveway!  If I counted them all in the 'useable' areas that I walk under, there would be well over 100 in the front and easily 120 on the hill where the dogs go.  Those are spaced over more then 2 acres so I have good grass i most places.  A dozen will hardly make a dent but it will open up some space for sun to come through.  Not money I want to spend, but in the long run, it will be a wash.  Maybe I can better handle the leaves rather then hiring it done. 
    I've upped Hannas meds.  Her 'wheels' are a total waste.  When she is down, I cannot lift her 100 pound body to get her harnessing on and lift her to attach her to the wheels.  A few days ago after major struggle, she just collapsed in her wheels and they came apart at one joint.  At least I could easily get her out, but realized what a total failure all this work was.  At least I tried.  Boy did I try!  I need a ramp for the front porch.  Those 2 steps are impossible for her.  We go out through the family room.  Just one small step down.  I've laid area rugs across the floor so she does not slip.  But it is so much farther to the front grass that way.  I may just have to escort her to the back yard each time.  The wild bunch are giving her a hard time if I am not there to get after them.  They are surely smelling the cancer.  Patty is being particularly obstructive, standing in her way.  This is very difficult but not any more so then it was with Goofy.  I just don't want to let go too soon.  She has to decide.  Not me. 
8/29:  Finally some ambition.  I feel bi-polar sometimes.  Mowed the front.  Raked by the back deck and burned leaves.  Sprayed for bugs. Took 2 showers.  One from sweat and one after bug bites.  Dogs are fed and I'm ready to crash.  I finally found the old program Golden Girls so watch 2 episodes a night to make me laugh.  That and the Carol Burnett Show were the best. 
     Yesterday got my money back on the fraud from my rescue account.  Wahoo!  Got cash and closed the account.  Went and bought dog food, but forgot the 'cookies'.  I need some to put the CBD oil on in the evenings.  It has really seemed to be helping the 3.  I still have to pick Hanna up and get her legs under her, but she is managing once up.  We now have an evening and middle of the night ritual of walking in the front yard for her to potty.  I need to work on a ramp out the front door.  Just 2 steps but they are too hard for her.  Going through the family room is slick and so many more steps to the grass.
     If weather holds, tomorrow I'll mow the upper area.  I wish I knew how to hook up the sprayer so I could get it sprayed too.  I can't do it at the same time because the spray is about 4 times the width of the mower deck.  It would be quadruple spraying and be a lot of waste of very expensive stuff.  Got to do something about the bugs.  No ticks.  Well some seed ticks, but mostly fleas or chiggers.  I'm not sure which I pick off of me every time I step on the grass.  I smell like a cedar tree in heat!  Does no good.  Steam cleaning the bedroom carpet also needs on the agenda this week.  Got to be sure all the crawly critters are gone. 
      I'm having 8 trees removed from the front yard.  Been putting it off, but I think so many trees are contributing to the bug problem.  I know they are contributing to the leaf population.  Also the grass has almost vanished due to no sunlight.  The trees were not so gigantic 17 years ago when we bought this place. The cost will probably pay for itself in 3 to 4 years. The bid was right what I had deemed appropriate.  I was surprised as expected double, which I would not have even considered.  Care Ministries can have the firewood and sell it.  I just don't want to mess with it and I've not used the fireplace in 15 years.  They scare me.   .  
8/26:  The vertigo goes on.  Could have went through the window last night.  Curtain and rod saved me.  I've tripped over stuff, like dogs and flipped up carpet for a long time but usually not as dramatically. 
     Hanna and Parker are declining fast.  Too much sadness around here.  I've been taking them both out before bed.  They prefer to potty in the front yard, I guess.  Then in the middle of the night I hear rustling, someone trying to get up.  So out we go again.  Hanna can still hold everything so I have to be sure to take her out or she will be terribly uncomfortable.  Parker left a puddle 2 nights ago so waking him up in the middle of the night is going to be mandatory.   They love their futon and no way to clean off a pee stain.   Mattress pad and sheet protect from poop, but not pee.  I could get hospital bed pads to put between pad and sheet but Parker would have urine on his body and I don't want that.  So we will take our midnight or 2 a.m. stroll down the front yard.
    Speaking of which is infested with either fleas or chiggers.  I forgot to spray myself on Hannas walk and within seconds of stepping on the grass, I was attacked.  Back in the house, I washed down my legs and feet and then sprayed myself before waking Parker up to go out.  Not sure if I was attacked again or it just took a few minutes for the original bites to start itching.....again. 
     Hardly slept last night even between walks.  That's not unusual but some of the things are that get into my brain that keep me agitated.  I watched a reasonably good movie last night and a really good movie the night before.  I think it is all the little 'starts' of movies that do me in while searching for a good one .  So off with the TV again.  I only bought it for Sandra to watch.  It just frustrates me. 
     It is going to be a clear sky day and not too hot.  Several days of rain gets really depressing.  And I'm so tired of being alone.  Kathleen is the only person who can tolerate me.  Afraid if I did move closer to her, I'd run her off too. 
     Later:  Facebook is too stressful.  Too many self-righteous idiots.  A good thing that goes bad on a regular basis.  I'm going to vanish to everyone but a select few.  I'm tired.  I want simple.  But the world won't allow it.  I'm sick of Government.  I'm sick of profiteering on the backs of the individual.  I'm sick of ....the list is long.  
8:23:  Why do I even get out of bed?  I just spent almost 2 hours in Photoshop making a feeding chart so if something happens and someone needs to take care of the dogs, it will be easy.  Poof, it's gone.  All of it.  I can't do anything right anymore.  I can't eat right.  I can't sew right.  I can't say the right words.  I can't clean house right.  I can't take care of the property.  I can't manage finances. I can't do the computer things like I use to.  I can barely manage to get my body from point A to point B. And I can barely manage the dogs. 
8/22:  Spent hours working on this and poof!  So had to go away from it.  Way too much stress in my life. 
    Was really sick all last week.  Kathleen came to my rescue.  She is the best friend anyone could ever ask for.  I need someone to share these dog responsibilities with.  The day to day stuff.  Just having someone to talk to helps too.  Most of all I need a good cry.
   So without re-reading what I wrote, here is the last 3 months:  Someone took a vacation on Ozark Dogs Rescue account to the tune of $1762.81.  The bank had their 90 days and basically I have been called a liar and thief and they are not giving the money back.  I thought that was what FDIC was for, so if the bank screwed up, you'd get your money back.  Along about the same time the IRS sends me a letter I owe $3960 plus interest and penalties until I pay up.  Of course I DO NOT owe it.  Sent in all the documentation.  My ":Assigned Advocate" never returns my calls.  I've tried not to think about this shit, but how do you not? 
    On the dog side:  Freedom would like me for lunch.  Not as an invited guest, but the main course.  Working long distance with a very qualified behaviorist/trainer.  Freedom is fine in "MY" space, but outside in "HIS" yard, things get very uncomfortable.  This morning he was silly and fine, but last week he was really bad.  Of course, I was getting sick.  Maybe he knew it.  The previous bites have a whole different explanation.  The 3 are trying to determine pack leader and he had some notion by me protecting Hanna from Pumpkin, that he needed to pick a side. Pumpkins side.  I got to 'dope him up' and get him into the vet for a nail trim.  I wish I had had the dew claws removed when he was neutered 6 years ago.  I just did not realize they were going to be such a frequent problem. 
    I've had Jayden for about 3 weeks now.  He is near perfect, but I just can't keep him.  Hoping BDHP in Colorado will take him.  Waiting on confirmation.  I turn down at least 4 dogs a week!  It just tears me up inside.  And those are just the ones people call me about.  Does not include the the ones on Facebook that are shared to my page that are due to be euthanized.  Rescue is an addiction.  The withdrawal is so very painful. 
     Darcy went to BDHP and got adopted in 3 weeks.  They sent pix. 
     The neighbor doctors dog is here every day.  First time no tag and was at a neighbors.  I have since had a call from every neighbor thinking it was mine.  I give them the Dr. phone number and tell them to call.  Hoping if enough people called daily, he'd listen better then he listens to me. All I get is "There is no leash law".  Well, because there is no "law" don't make it ok!  This arrogant ass told me to not pet nor feed his dog and that it was my fault he had to get rid of the lab because I fed and petted it.  He tells me to leave his dog alone as it will come home if I don't interfere.  Like an idiot, I do that.  Then the more I think about it, the madder I get.  Just who in the hell is HE to tell ME what I can and cannot do on MY OWN PROPERTY?   So I pet the dog and let it in and screw him!  One day I told him , according to law, I have the right to shoot it, but I would never do that.  But shooting him wouldn't phase me a bit!  Yes, I really told him that!  The dog is so neglected and I would love to comb and cut out the massive mats, but I think that might be overstepping.  He is such a jackass, I'm sure if I helped the dog, he'd find reason to call the sheriff.  I did go on several "rate the doctor" sites and gave him a one star with the explanation that "I don't know what he is like as a doctor, but as a neighbor he is arrogant, inconsiderate and a jerk."   It made me feel better!  
     Steam cleaned small area rugs this morning.  Still weak and having to rest after each one.  6 more to go plus the bedroom carpet.  Got fleas in the house and I'm eat up.  The cedar oil is not standing up to them.  Almost to a point of getting chemical crap to put on the dogs.... but that is a last resort.  Jayden seems the biggest carrier.  He let me soak him with the oil yesterday so hopefully ....    Care Ministries comes tomorrow so will have them spray outside where the dogs lay. 
8/5:  Computer is back.  Hope to catch up soon. 
6/4: Hardly seems possible I said good bye to Leslie almost 2 weeks ago.  Hanna is gagging a lot.  Parkers legs are getting tangled up more frequently.  Cotton is stiff in the joints if I forget his DGP.  Sadied anti-anxiety pills are starting to work.  $42 for 28 pills (2 weeks).  For that same $42 only less ($40) I can get 360 pills so have a call into the vet to call it in.  I'll take this last script back. Ridiculous.
     Mowed again Monday.  Darn rain just makes everything grow so fast.  Weed eated the 2 yards next to the shop this morning.  Much more to do, but that pinched nerve in my neck/shoulder is like a thousand hot needles.  Sitting here at the computer does not help. Sitting at the sewing machines is even worse.  Anyway, it is fixing to rain any moment so couldn't get another area finished if I started.  Guy from Care Ministries did not follow instructions and he cut the strings way too short.  I didn't realize it until I was finished this morning.  No wonder it was so hard.  24" not 12"  
     Jenny has been a Blessing to Thayne in WA.  They lost their Sky to cancer yesterday.  Jenny had fallen in love with him on day one.  She was by his side the whole several days they fought for his life and at his grave site watching over.  These are the kind of things that make taking the chance worth it. 
     Didn't get much sleep last night.  Call came at 11:30 p.m.  I had just laid my book down at 10:30.  I don't run to the phone.  Got up for the message.  Some guy found 2 stray dogs and was concerned and trying to help them and no one would come help.  No phone number.  People assume everyone has caller ID and a cell phone.  I have neither.  I assume it was him who called back at 3:30 a.m. but did not leave a message this time.  By then, I just stayed up. 
     Kathleen was down for 3 days.  We worked hard on the dogs and stayed up talking way past our bed times.  I so enjoy her company.  One sided conversations with the dogs is fine, but I do enjoy an exchange sometimes, besides woof woof. 
     Sandra will be here in 3 weeks.  I hope I can take her places.  With Sadies anxiety under control, I hope we can get away for more then a few hours. 
5/24:  The church group came yesterday and most of the yard work got done.  9 guys so I was not able to supervise everyone.  Instructions were mis-understood on some things so disappointed it is not all as it should have been.  Flea and tick spray got wasted in the front yard where not even I walk.  Probably chased them all over to where I DO walk.  I mowed the back yesterday so they would know what needed weed eated, but they kind of mis-understood some of that too.  I mowed the front today and discovered the guy completely left out my hill that I specifically pointed out.  Hopefully I can run the DR Trimmer on it tomorrow.  Too steep for the lawnmower. 
     Girls came today.  I was too tired to supervise them either.  But they are pretty good on their own.  Cotton got combed.  He picks up so much debris from outside.  Tomorrow will be combing out the rest.  Maybe next weekend when Kathleen is here, I will have more energy and Freedom can get a bath. 
     Hanna came back to the shop so my opening the gates to let the dogs together did not serve her well.  Pumpkin is so awful.  She scares Hanna. 
     My back/right shoulder is on fire.  It has been for about 3 weeks.  Maybe more.  Have a Dr. appointment Tuesday.  A list but I'm sure he will just dismiss my concerns like he always has in the past.  I do need to get a script for an inhaler.  Don't have asthma very often, but when I do, I really need it.  Wish he'd refer me for massages for my back/shoulder.  Then the insurance would pay. 
     I miss Leslie.  Hanna looks so much like her.  Sometimes it is like she is still here. 
5/22:  Said good bye to Leslie today.  She could stand early this morning, but by 9 she was down and could not get up.  I tried to help her with a sling, but it was hopeless.  It was time.  Wendy came during her lunch so she wouldn't have to suffer until tomorrow when I had the appointment to get Leslie a 'perk up' shot that helped Zelda so much.  It was just not meant to be.  My biggest sorrow is Emo.  He keeps looking for her.  He was right there watching, but afraid of "strangers".  He just knows Leslie is gone and keeps trying to find her.  This is just tearing me up.  He won't let me comfort him.  He has continued to be illusive although touchable when beside Leslie.  I don't know where we will be at now with her gone.  I don't know what the others will do either.  Fraz and Patty are still outside enjoying a nice spring day for a change.  They were not as attached to Leslie as Emo was.  Pumpkin has not come over to look for her yet.  I don't think Pumpkin realizes the doors are open.
5/19: 

Storm last night so little sleep. Girls came at 8 a.m. to bathe Pumpkin. (last of the wild bunch). I always close the doggie door in the shop so our "victim' can't escape until we are finished. Never gave Sadie a thought.

Sadie has separation anxiety and it has accelerated since Darcy left. Maybe she think she might have to leave again too. Got back to the house 2 1/2 hrs later. She had dumped the water container (again). At least 1 1/2 gal on the floor and onto an area rug. She was covered in mud. So was my bed, under the sheets, my pillow, the bedroom carpet and every floor in the house.

After total melt down, I got out the steam cleaner to start on the bedroom carpet...… THE DRAWERS IN THE BATHROOM CABINET HAD ALL BEEN PULLED OPEN …… I'm impressed she thinks I am small enough to hide in one, but really, Sadie.... This is extreme.
   Day did not end there.  I got the carpet and 2 area rugs cleaned.  I just let the mud dry so I could vacuum up the 'dust'.  Came down to the shop to feed Hanna at 3:30.   (1) Hanna had somehow gotten closed in a room.  It was sweltering hot with no escape.  I was so sure I had accounted for her before I went up.  (2) Sadie had been there.  I guess she felt like she had not done enough damage at the house.  All the trash baskets with dead ticks and Pumpkins hair was strewn across the apartment.  Got that cleaned up and vacuumed.  Got Hanna in the apartment with an extra AC blowing cold air.  The other room is closed off.  I don't know how much more I can take.  Leslie is so bad.  I don't know what to do.  The muscle from my neck to my shoulder is on fire from pain.  Has been for a week.  Even heavy duty stuff is not working.  I'm coughing from pollen and when I do my ribs feel like they are breaking.   
    Going to take pix of 3 dogs needing a place to go.  Lady is having triple by-pass.  Giving up 2 young dogs and a 14 year old deaf/blind dog she has had since it was born.  I really think the kindest thing would be to hold it close while it is euthanized.  Just don't know how it would adjust to a completely new environment at her age and condition.  Let her go in peace held by the person she knows and loves. 

5/18:  Survived food poisoning.  Popeyes is definitely off the list again and for good. 
     Not making any progress with Leslie.  Today she would not cooperate for me to drop the CBD oil in her mouth.  This is getting tough.  She just wants to be near me.  Trouble is Hanna has moved to the shop which makes being near everybody impossible.  I am struggling both physically and emotionally. 
5/13:  Leslie is not doing good.  I'll run her in for blood work today and on Thursday, a vet appt. with Rob.  I know it is old age, but if there is something I can do to make her more comfortable, then that is what I want to do.  She is not eating.  Neither was Parker.  Parkers got solved with fresh cooked hamburger and scrambled eggs.  Not working for Leslie.  Can't get her pills down her at all.  Even making them into a cheese burger.  She nibbled at the scrambled eggs and beacon this morning but ate less then half an egg.  Hardest part is not being able to get on the floor to love on the ones who can't stand up for my attention.  I run away from the 24/7 care I want to give them because emotionally and physically, I just can't give enough. 
    Hanna has decided she likes the shop so I spend part of the night trying to sleep down there and the rest at the house.  Last night I went to bed at 6:00 p.m.  Woke up at 10:00 p.m.  Came to the shop at around 11.  Had to bring Hanna her dinner and pills since she had not come to the house for them.  I slept on the love seat.  It is the most comfortable sleeping place.  Preferable to any of the 4 beds available.  It just wraps around me and I don't wake up hurting. 
     Jenny and Darcy are both doing great.  Both have moved onto the bed with their respective parent.  Thayne sent a pix.  Darren told me in an email.  Darcy will move on to a forever home.  Jenny is already at her forever. 
5/8:  Darcy was delivered 5/3.  I've had several updates so that is great.  Seems she is fitting in.  I was sure she would.  Jenny arrived 5/6.  Totally exhausted from her trip.  There were several hundred middle school kids on the Ferry ride when Thayne picked her up.  She got a lot of attention but think she slept through most of it.  Thayne has been great with communication also. 
    Hanna has moved to the shop.  I can't get her to come to the house.  I slept down here in the apartment until 2 a.m.  Then went up and slept next to Leslie and Parker.  Stretching myself a hundred yards is a bit far.  I like my own bed but rarely get to sleep in it.  I need to have someone help me switch mattresses around.  I ache. 
    This morning after feeding everyone else, I fixed Hannas breakfast.  Then got my donuts and milk and headed down to have breakfast with her.  I guess she had gotten impatient as she found her own breakfast.  She had a dead rabbit in her mouth.  At least it appeared to be dead.  Could have been in shock.  I'm hoping.  Anyway, I put our breakfasts inside and grabbed a plastic bag.  The race was on.  She was not going to give it up.  This is Hanna who can barely walk and barely see.  I finally caught up to her and get it away and tossed it over the fence.  It was still warm and there was only one tiny puncture wound on it's side.  I'll hope it was ok, but really stretching it to think so.  I lost my appetite.  Felt bad for the rabbit but handling it also made my nauseous.  I did recover.  Donuts are my downfall. 
     I am so sick of rain.  I mowed a week ago but grass was still a bit damp.  Not had 2 dry days in a row so it is a foot tall in places.  The house is always full of muddy foot prints.  Parker, Leslie, Cotton and Pumpkin only go outside to potty.  Sadie travels where ever I go, picking up mud between house and shop.  The others lay out in the rain until they get wet and then bring it all in.  I mop once a week which makes it really hard as so much has dried.  My back just can't handle it daily. 
     This past weekend we started baths with the wild bunch.  Saturday was Patty.  Sunday was Cola.  Next weekend will be Pumpkin and Emo.  Followed by Cotton and Fraz.  Leslie and Parker are just not up to it.  And Hanna is so darn thick if we ever got her skin wet, she'd never get dry.  Freedom has such a different coat, he just doesn't get dirty.  Sadie gets dirty a lot.  We now have a routine.  When she comes in covered in mud, I just point to the bathroom and she gets in the shower!   I just love this girl and obviously she loves me.  Extreme separation anxiety. 
     Update on the gas expense of the 2200 miles.  Right at $400.  What a relief that (1) the SUV did well and (2) gas prices were not astronomical.  So Jenny's trip will have been just under $2000 with airfare and gas (I still have gas to get my SUV back) not counting the money I gave Sandra and KC for doing this. 
   Looking again at Idaho property.  It is just not going to happen unless a miracle.  Prices are like California. 
    Damn rain just hit hard again.  I sure hope the dogs have all come in.  I'm at the shop.  Next break in the rain, I need to run back up to the house and check on Parker. 
5/3:  Such a sense of loneliness.  Sandra and KC just left an hour ago heading back to WA.  My daughter will be back in June.  I sure hated such a short visit, but was so glad to see her.  KC has matured so much in the past 5 years.  I am really proud of him.  The shop is so empty.  I still miss JoJo.  Having Jenny and Heidi, ever so briefly was nice.  But winter is barely over and it will roll around again.  I just can't have responsibilities in the shop when weather is bad.  Not rescuing is like closing a great, but stressful novel before you get to the end.  Wondering the outcome, but unable to find where you put the book. 
4/28:  I said good bye to Heidi.  I only had her 3 weeks.  The vets thought she might make it 2 months.  It was just not to be.  She was holding steady until 2 days ago.  Then she quit eating.  I even scrambled eggs and fixed ground turkey breast.  She nibbled at the egg.  And then she just would not eat.  Was throwing up the water she drank.  And then yesterday afternoon, her back legs just gave out.  Even with my help, she could not stay up.  I laid on the floor with her most of the night.  I finally crawled in bed.  But I lay there watching her breath.  Luckily Wendy was the vet on call.  I know by 11 this morning that she was suffering terribly.  Bt noon she had crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  This hit me harder then even my long time ones.  I so wanted to make up for some of the bad things she had lived through.  She just did not give me enough time. 
      Sandra and KC will be here Thursday.  Dave offered to drive me to the airport.  What a relief!  I am so terrified of getting lost, which I have every single time.  Then Friday morning Sandra and KC will share driving Darcy to Denver and Jenny back to Washington state.  I never thought about the rising cost of gas.  If it keeps going up, I'll be lucky for them to get there under $1000.  Then in Oct. Sandra will drive it back to me.  Another $1000.  So with air fare, this is $3000 to deliver a dog to Thayne.  But I know he will give her a great forever. 
    That will put me at 11.  I don't think Leslie will last too much longer.  She refuses to take her meds and clings to me.   Parker just seems to keep going, much to my amazement.  I just wish Pumpkin and Hanna could get over what ever their disagreement was.  But neither will let it go so the doors and gates stay close between them.  I worry about Patty, but especially Fraz.  I know he has had more seizures and they jump him.  His ear was bloody a few days ago.  He just does not want to stay on the front side.  And forcing him only makes him more nervous which is likely to bring on a seizure.  Even with 11, life is not going to be simple.  But I love them all. 
4/25:  It has rained almost constantly.  I am so sick of it.  And the mud.  I have 5 of the wild bunch closed in the dogs room and my room.  Got smart.  Had a plastic table cover I got at the thrift store for 50 cents.  New in the package.  It fits perfect over my queen bed.  Put it over my sheets and then a sheet over it.  Won't have 'soak through' this time.  I had to close them in because Cola and Pumpkin won't let Patty, Fraz and Freedom into the rooms.  They were outside laying in the rain.  Same yesterday.  I got them sort of dry.  Don't know when I will be able to open everything up so everybody has choices.  None of the pack will stay at the shop.  I've tried.
    Just in such a slump.  Weather doesn't help, but I need direction.  I need a goal.  I'm not one to just set back and let life happen.  I need to be an active participant.  I need a road that leads to a destination and then another road that leads to another. 
    Poor Jenny stayed in the outside shelter.  Not sure how long but her food bowl was still full.  Took me awhile to realize the plastic flap on the doggie door had come down.  She is use to it held up out of the way and an open space to come in.  She didn't know to push the flap.  She gobbled down her food.  It must have fallen down right after I went to the house last night. 
     Allergy pills are barely helping but sure putting me to sleep.  A take one as soon as I get up and 2 hours later, I'm falling asleep sitting up. 
     Too much Facebook.  I am getting too critical of stupid.  I guess people have a right to stay stupid.  And for every argument there is pages of Google to back up both sides.  Thus expanding the stupid.  Sort of like the old child game where teacher would give the first student a paper with a sentence written on it.  Then it would be whispered into the next students ear.  By the time the circle was complete, the last students information was absolutely nothing like what the teacher had started with.  That game should be mandatory for logging into Facebook every day.  We take such license in embellishing the beginning to suit our agenda.  Google posts are the worst example followed closely by Snopes, which has been debunked repeatedly as not factual.  But if it agrees with them, then it is 'great'.  We are robots to a tech world....as in the movie 2020 put out so many years ago.  Sci-Fi becomes reality.  Sadly we don't believe Sci-Fi (which stands for Science FICTION) until it takes over.  I'm sure somewhere in the future there will be "beam me up, Scotty" throughout the universe.   Glad I will be long gone, but hope not forced to watch from above. 
4/21:  So much has been going on that I hardly have time to sleep.  My daughter and grandson are flying in May 2 and driving my SUV back to Washington state with Jenny (aka Jerry aka Geri)  and dropping Darcy off in Denver on the way.  That will put me back at 12.  Heidi is new.  She is a hospice dog with advanced cancer.  Thought she was a Komondor / Pyr mix but having second thoughts on it.  Can't think of the breeds, but possibly white Puli or maybe even some Schnauzer breed.  She has an attitude against other dogs so that is making things difficult.  She won't get to join the house bunch but she will have me during days when I sew in the shop.
     Sadies' separation anxiety has multiplied to the point of hysteria.  Mine and hers!  We have had rain and rain and mud.  I don't know what this mud is, but it's not normal mud.  It sticks to fur like tar and dried on the floor and walls like concrete.  Two days ago was the ultimate.  Darcy got me up at 4:40 a.m. Not that I had really gotten any sleep.  I was in the spare bedroom comforting Parker and Leslie during the storm. Wild bunch had stayed out in the rain until soaked then slept on my bed.  My bed was soaked all the way through to the mattress.  That required 4 loads of laundry.  The floors through out the house were caked in muddy foot prints. I mopped and then I closed that bedroom off as didn't want mud on the mattress.  While cleaning that bed, either Darcy or Sadie brought mud onto the other bed and carpet.  This was all before sun-up.  Fed the dogs.  Traded out the bedding and put the freshly laundered bedding on the spare bed and started the next 3 loads.  Gave Sadie a bath in the shower.  Sopped up the muddy wet floor with a towel. All this by 8:15 a.m.
   I had an appointment at 8:45 at the Ford dealership to have the SUV checked out.  Got that done.  Came home and checked in on the girls (dog helpers).  Sadie had drug in mud every where again.  I left again to go get new tires.  Got home and gave Sadie another shower. Mopped again.  Girls left at noon.  Took a break and came to the shop and sewed for an hour.  Went back up to find the spare bedroom door had been left open.  Sadie had been looking for me, I guess.  I guess she thought I was under the covers or between the sheet and mattress pad.  MUD!.  At that point, I cried!  I had to start all over. All my mopping had been useless.  Laundry had been for nothing.  Seven loads were still not complete and now I had 4 more.  Plus the carpet and area rugs had to be steam cleaned before that tar/concrete dried.  And the floor mopped again.  This time the walls were also splattered with mud. She had splattered mud all over the toilet and sink and even as high as the light switches and mirror.
     Sadies third shower of the day. At least she is getting the hang of it.  Just marched right in when I pointed to the bathroom.  Walked right in the shower!! 
      By the time I finished the laundry, mopped the floors a final time and steam cleaned the carpet in the bedroom, it was 8:30 p.m.
      It has taken me 2 days to write this up.  I was hoping to make it humerous, but it just is not going to happen.  Maybe in a few years I can look back on that day and laugh, but for now, I'm still ready to cry.  What am I going to do when I have to be gone for a few hours and cna't take Sadie with?  I can't crate her.  She'd die of a heart attack.  I can't close her outside as she can easily go over or under any fence.  Temptation to make her a fake service dog..... but I would not do that....  
4/3:  So many emotional ups and downs.  Hanna and Pumpkin now have to be separated.  That has caused a lot of stress.  Freedom is digressing and getting quite the bully where as before he was the one being bullied.  I've tried moving some of the wild bunch.  Pumpkin promptly ate through the chain link fence leaving poor crippled Cola behind.  So now Cola, Pumpkin and Freedom have the back side of the house and the other 9 have the front side.  Patty and Fraz are not yet comfortable without the whole pack but the weather is nice so when they get hungry enough, they will come up to eat.  Leslie and Emo prefer this side anyway.
    Darcy has come a long way.  Destruction is at a minimum now.   Some day I will make a list.  10 rolls of toilet paper.  4 bedroom slippers.  One computer mouse. 2 feather and 2 fiber fill pillows.  4 pencils.  That's just what comes to mind at the moment.
    I'm taking in Heidi, a hospice cancer girl.  She will come Sunday.  Will see Rob (vet) Mon or Tue.  for instructions.  All diagnostic vetting has been done. 
     Geri came from Linda (Green Forest AC) yesterday.  She said "he" was Jerry, but upon further inspection, it's a girl.  She has either been hit by a car or beaten.  Also snake bit.  She is scheduled for vet tomorrow, but I may have to up that to today.  I really wanted Wendy to see her, thus the extra day delay. 
2/21:  Finally sleep!  Steam cleaned carpet and area rugs yesterday.  Machine conked out half way through.  Took it in and got a new one (exchange under warranty) and damned if it didn't quit before I was done.  It was the only one in stock, so I'll wait a few weeks before taking this one back and trying again.  Vacuum is acting up too.  Just spent $80 on a new switch.  Think the roller brush gears are shot now. 
      One of my adopters has had some really bad situations the past few months.  Health, hospitalization, huge CC theft which the bank is not reversing and a neighbor calling police on dogs barking during the day!   I don't think that is a law but she is giving up the dog she adopted from me.  I understand her stress although my stress is nothing compared to hers.  Breaks my heart because she is such a kind woman.  No one deserves the stuff she is going through. 
      I'm still flip flopping on what to do... where to live.  This place makes me exhausted and I don't know how to turn off my "neat and clean" side.  I love my hill and really had set on building up there, but so many set backs, that now I am wavering.  Looking at MO again and maybe close to Kathleen or maybe Kate who is also retiring from rescue.  I don't want to be a burden the Bob and Kathleen.  I know they would come anytime I needed them, but it would not be fair to them.  I just need a person in my life who has no other life and we could work together for common interests and goals.  Love dogs and be able to change a light bulb :-) 
    Didn't get enough sugar fix this morning.  Seeing double and auras rotating in my peripheral vision.  Not a clue if what I'm typing is what I'm intending! 
2/15:  Finally sorta caught up on this blog.  Rainy, dreary day.  Dogs are a muddy mess.  I got donuts this morning but it's 2:00 now and I need some lunch so heading back to the house.  Never know what to expect when Darcy has been alone. 
2/14:  My dogs are my Valentines.  
2/14 Prayers for my daughter. This has not been a good year so far. Huge vet bill, she has been sick for several weeks and now Washington state is under snow and her storage building is collapsing on top of about 50 of the childrens Power Wheels she works so hard to restore to both give away and sell. It will not covered by insurance. Neither were her vet or medical.
2/08: Thank God Kathleen came down. I was in the hospital. Kidney stones. Home now. They are dissolving but I'm worthless to take care of the dogs. I know the paramedics thought I was a nut case as all I could talk about as they were loading me up was the instructions on what doors needed opened and what gates needed closed.
    Update: Sunday 8 a.m.: Still got some pain and some nausea. I won't take the Hydrocodone. And the anti nausea makes me nauseas! Am taking the antibiotic and the stuff to dissolve the stone. Couldn't manage without Kathleen.
2/07: Weatherman was right on! Damn thunderstorm at 4 a.m. With the broken doggie window Darcy had a great time bringing in as much rain as she could and drying it off on my bed then going back out for a 'refill'. Parker managed to sneak by me and get stuck half in and half out of the bathtub. I could not back him up, so had to help him in. Then he got his legs tangled and was stuck and in pain. He could not help so I am in the tub with barely enough room for my feet trying to lift a 100 pound stuck dog. He wasn't very steady once out. (neither was I!) Poor guy. Got storm pills down him and Leslie and they helped when the following round hit about 5:30. It is one of those "I just want to go off in a corner and cry" days. I am praying the apartment is not flooded. The yard sure is and my wet weather creek looks like a year round one.
   
Thank you God! The apartment is not flooded. Darcy is running off some energy in the very muddy 'creek'. I can handle the mud. Apartment flood, no, not at all. So today is going to be ok.
2/05: Never a dull moment. My dog food was scheduled for delivery Monday. Didn't come. FedX said Tuesday. I fed the last this morning so figured I was good. Didn't come. Now it says tomorrow so I went to town to grab a bag. Came home the this!! This is my innovative doggie door that has survived several years. There was a crack in one glass, but now on all 4 sides. Inside and outside of each piece. Guy will be out tomorrow afternoon to let me know what this is going to cost! I bet Darcy has a head ache as I don't know who else would have tried to go through the glass rather then the opening.
    
Lowes guy came out and told me who to get as there is no way to replace the window without taking the whole door out. I kind of figured that. And he told me to be sure I got tempered glass for the doggie windows when I build on the hill. He was impressed with Darcy and she was her usual "Did you come to see me" self.
2/04:

Leaves are finally up. Great company and real dog lovers. I still have some in the small yard areas which I will rake and burn.

Need to find someone to help me move fencing. I just can't drag 12' long kennel panels up the hill, stand them up, hold them in place and attach each section. It is not a one person job. I need to section off the hill so when they start construction, the dogs will still have plenty of space but be kept out of harms way They need kept secure while upper fence is down and workers are hauling in and out. ….

I wish I could make up my mind on my house floor plan. It all worked fine until I decided I really do need a garage. Just threw the whole plan off. I like lots of windows. A garage either eliminates a wall of windows or blocks views. I want all rooms handicapped accessible with pocket doors so that makes planning bathrooms almost as big as a small bedroom. Hopefully I won't be needing pushed around in a wheel chair, but after trying to maneuver Loren around this house in his, I want to be sure access will work smoothly

2/01:  6 Robocalls today and it's not even noon!
   Ever get one of those "something is wrong" feelings? I felt overwhelmed 5 hours ago. Checking to be sure all family is ok. Know my dogs here are ok. I think most of us get those feelings. This one is really strong and can't shake it.
1/29: I'm moving ahead with my "move". Just going to build up the hill. The dogs love the hill and I just can't climb it so instead of going and getting them and bringing them down, I will just go live up there with them! I know to anyone who does not love dogs, this sounds insane. To me it makes perfect sense. Building a space a fourth the size of what I now have. Original plan was a fifth the size, but that became too drastic  Won't be fancy. A Pole Barn House. $60 sf vs $150 sf! Still tweaking the plan. Poor guy figuring cost my bop me over the head if I tweak it too much  I'm finally feeling positive about something. I really needed this.
1/24: A hint of sunshine for awhile. Brought me out of the "Dreary, I'm freezing and just want to stay in bed" mode. Sewed in the morning. Steam cleaned the bedroom carpet and washed all the bedding in the afternoon. It's going to be off limits just for tonight. I want just one room clean for 24 hours! So sick of MUD!.
1/15 again:  A WOW moment!  Darcy enticed Freedom to play chase.  It was beautiful to see Freedom having fun.  I've waited for this moment for over 5 years!   Make keeping this girl worth all the rolls of toilet paper. 
1/15:

The Adventures with Darcy

1/15/19 Today began with a midnight “squash mommy” episode. Sadie and Hanna were on one side of the bed. Sadie against my legs and Hannas rear between my shoulder blades and her head at my rear. Then comes Darcy. Since there was only a sliver of room on MY side of the bed, after her standing over me for attention, she stretched out butt in my chest, tail in my face and her head on my feet. When all body parts started to go numb from lack of circulation, I managed to toll over so I could bend my knees in the small space between Hanna and Sadie. This woke Darcy up. She could not get off the bed because Leslie and Pumpkin had moved into all floor space on what had become Darcys' side of the bed. Emo was at the foot of the bed and Parker and Cotton on the floor on the other side. Darcy stood up. I turned onto my back. Darcy stepped with both paws in the middle of my chest. I began to cough for air. That startled Emo, Leslie and Pumpkin. They ran out of the room. Darcy laid down full body on top of me and I was gasping while trying to get my arms free out from under the covers. I finally got Darcy off me. She did not leave without washing my face.

After getting the dogs fed, I went to the grocery store. Upon returning, toilet paper roll number 7 graced the bedroom floor. There was none in the bathroom because after roll number 6, I began putting them on the back of the toilet rather then on the roller. Foolish me! It had unrolled with the roll part well under the bed. Of course, the more I pulled, the more unrolled it became. This is added to one feather pillow and 2 fiber fill pillows, one computer mouse, Camp trailer title, notebook, lost count of pencils and ink pens, two bath towels (which will become hand towels. I don't waste if and when I can recycle), one kitchen towel, one package of Brawnschwager, 2 bedroom slippers, two shoes (no, neither the slippers nor the shoes were a pair and no they were not for opposite feet, so I couldn't even make a new fashion statement.) And, of all things, dog hair! Yes she eats dust bunnies of dog hair! Should I be thankful? And yes, she has lots of dog toys but then I don't think she knows she's a dog.

I have a new-to-me sofa. I only paid $50 but it is really nice and the color is perfect. I got it Saturday morning. I'm afraid Darcy will chew on it. I covered it with a quilt but she had been pulling it off. I sprayed the quilt with straight vinegar and she licked it!!! Yesterday Kathleen and I took Darcy to the pet store. We tried the Bitter Apple, Fooey, Etc. She was not phased! Licked our hands like it was a treat. I bought one anyway. Waste of $16. Last night I sprinkled black ground pepper on the quilt. Figured if she pulled, it would get in her nose and she would stop. The quilt was half off the sofa when I was finally able to get my legs to working from the nights 'squash' job.

I suppose some of her restlessness was because I had the gate to the upper hill closed for 24 hours. She was not able to run off as much energy (who am I kidding?) Reason for the gate closure was mud. Lots and lots of really sticky mud. I got her and Sadie in the shower and gave them a bath. I didn't want a repeat too soon.

1/14: Update on the Wild Bunch. Fraz has not had any more seizures. His personality has totally changed. He is now wanting to be near me. That is wonderful since he NEVER wanted me to be close to him. However, a little jealousy or 'picking on the sick one' has begun. I've had some brief but blood drawn fights. I'm hoping they will iron themselves out as I am at a total loss of who to "kick out" of the house and put in the shop. I've worked too hard for 5 years to get to this social point with this feral bunch.
1/10: 

4:00 a.m Fraz had a bad seizure....again. To my knowledge, his first one was at the vet's office a month ago. Since the "wild bunch" can be pretty elusive, staying up on the hill, I don't know for sure if he had any before or since. But at 4:00 a.m., he was in the kitchen. Heard a loud crash. Knew it was not Darcy as she was on the bed with me. Fraz was by the doggie door and had fallen under the bar stool which ended up crashing to the floor several feet away. Thank God it did not go through the sliding glass door. Got everyone else closed outside. (that is a real feat in itself) I had some slightly out of date (6 weeks) Phenobarbital left from Kate, so I got the Brawnschwager out and wrapped up 2 pills. Fraz was pretty 'out of it' when he stopped seizuring so I was able to direct him into the spare bedroom and close the door. Let everyone else back in. Never giving the Brawnschwager laying on the counter a thought. Not to worry. Darcy made short work of it.

I went in the bedroom and laid down next to Fraz. The more he got back to normal, the more anxious he got. Figured stress would trigger another seizure so let him back with his pack. This is going to be a really rough 'forever'. How can I keep him close to me and watch him if being close to people, including me, creates stress. Going to try the CBD oil route if It comes in capsule form. No way will he let me put drops in his mouth without totally stressing him out. A real catch 22. Hell if I do and hell if I don't.

2019 is NOT starting off well at all. And I could not wait for 2016, 2017 and 2018 to be over!

******** And it got worse!!!! 6:00 a.m. I don't know if he had another seizure, but all of a sudden I heard the 'attack' sounds. Fraz was on the ground screaming and two of the dogs were over him. Still dark and the outside light didn't give enough for me to tell who. (they all look alike anyway.) I screamed and they backed off but I had to go back in the house and slip into shoes. (This takes time. A whole other story). I got back outside and got Fraz steered into the house. Leslie, Emo, and Pumpkin were already inside. The 4 are closed in my bedroom for now as I try to figure out who I will move to the shop. I have to keep Fraz near me, but then would he be happier down there with one of the others. But not knowing who jumped him...…. I know it was not Leslie, but Leslie is VERY old and glued to me so putting her down there is not an option. Cola is crippled, but she can be a real sh*t head. She could have been the attacker. Could have been Pumpkin. Maybe Freedom. Unlikely Patty, but then I just don't know. I do know that when a dog has a seizure, the others do go a bit crazy. So I keep Fraz at the house, but who do I move???

I really am struggling to hold myself together.

1/08:

I have ZERO knowledge of cell phones. Need advice on phone and provider. I don't want fancy. I want (1) no contracts (2) no expiration of minutes (3) don't need texting. (4) video capability would be nice.

I think we only have AT&T and Verizon. Don't know what Wal-mart offers.

Service at my house is getting better so I might not have to climb the hill length of a football field to use it. After the emergency call about Zelda, my fiber optic land line went dead for 2 hours. I had to drive around banging on doors at midnight to use a phone. I just need one for emergencies like this and since I'm having to pay for something, I would like to take an occasional video of the dogs playing and be able to upload it to the computer.

1/06:

The Day After

Another piece of my heart was just sent across the Rainbow Bridge. Some of those pieces were taken after just a day in my life. This one thirteen years. The longest I have ever had the same dog in my life. And I ask myself, “Is this one really harder?” Not surprisingly, the answer is “No”. I gave her unconditional love. I gave her the best I had in me for every day I had her. No regrets. No “I wish I could do over” or ”I wish I had not done this or had done that”. From the day I got her from the kill shelter until the day I let her go, only one thing sparks regret: that she had to share my attention.

I think of Click. So happy to be free of his jail cell only to part within 24 hours because he had a highly contagious and fatal disease transmittable to humans. My husband had just been diagnosed as terminally ill. I could not take the risk and no other rescue was going to either. That one hurts the most, even after 7 years. Then poor Nomor. He was to be my last rescue, thus the name No more. He also was here during that time when my husband was dying. Nomor had a degenerative bone disease. After just a few months, the bones were just to brittle to walk. And there was Nicholas. He had an intestinal injury that because of location, was inoperable. We can only guess what horror caused this. Angel came with 6 cancerous lumps. Surgery on those and then 5 new ones showed up. More surgery. More lumps. I could not put her through a third surgery. I had to let her go after 3 months. Edison was well past his life expectancy. A big old drooly Saint. I only got to love him 3 months. Shelby who got bloat. A month later her tummy twisted and she was lost on the operating table. She was due to go to an adopter until the bloat. When I explained, the person backed out. I'm glad because at least she was with me until the end. And Kate. Dear sweet Kate. She left last year. Due to previous vet malpractice, she came with sever seizures. I tried my best to get her into a foster home near the University of Colorado where she could have been in a new study for CBD treatment of seizures. She died in my arms with the assistance of my vet. She went into an unending seizure and all I could do was take away her suffering. Way too little time with these. They are the ones I cry over.

I slept good last night. I knew Zelda was no longer in pain. I know she joined all the other hundreds of dogs she knew that have crossed before her over those 13 years. She joins Goofy, Sahara and Chipi who crosses the Bridge last year. I know she is happy. Maybe sad looking down on me because she misses me and knows how much I miss her I know she is sending love and comfort with every memory. I am ok. I have to be ok. I still have 12 dogs depending on me for the rest of their life or mine.

1/05 I'm having to tell Zelda good bye in a few minutes. Vet is on her way to my house. 13 years she has been with me.  Zelda is no longer in pain.  She crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night.  She was not responding to the shot and new meds. 
1/04: I've become so popular in the realtor world since my listing ran out. Four letters from agents yesterday and 4 today all telling me why I need them. Well, by golly, if you have such a huge list of potential buyers, why didn't you show my house when it was listed?

I have filled in 2018 with as much as I could take from Facebook posts I made since my computer was down.